Stowed-ton Adventures

Session 25 - 6/15/18
Cragmaw Under Siege

The session opened up with the group running back to Cragmaw castle, while being perused by a large group of giants in the distance. The group needed to devise a plan on a way to slow these giants down and quick. 

Once the group returned to the castle they started to prepare for the on coming battle. Gob devised a plan of making a trap at the bottle neck of the main road that lead to Cragmaw. Using Mold Earth he dug out a 40×20×10 hole and had Krangor cut down trees and turn them into large stakes which were placed in the bottom of the pit. Fox took lead of an elite squad of stealthy goblin archers and brought them to the woods and laid in wait to ambush the coming giants. Galthetes waited on the opposite section of the woods to see if the giants approached from a different angle and planned to move to Krangor and Gob when the time was right. Melfias stayed in the castle and got the rest of the goblin army ready and told them to go to battle stations. While making his the trap, Gob sent out Hooty to do a scouting run as the giants pursuit had stopped, and the group questioned why. Hooty soon discovered that the giants were breaking down a hill side and making a nest from which they could toss boulders at Cragmaw castle during the siege. These boulders could easily do a ton of harm to the Cragmaw forces and to Cragmaw its self. The group needed to come up with a way to stop the boulder siege or they would be spending the next year rebuilding the castle they had just finished repairing. Melfias assured the group to not worry and he had a plan to deal with the stone balls of destruction. The group apprehensively put their faith in the plucky bard and manned their battle stations for the coming attack. They allowed time to pass as they needed the fight to come to them, to properly hold off the giants as all of their traps were located at Cragmaw.

After a few hours of waiting, from the woods emerged a force of about 8 giants and 10 winter wolves. Behind them, from about 250 ft beyond the tree line, boulders were being tossed at Cragmaw. It was time for war. Upon seeing the giant force, Melfias cast greater invisibility on him self. Gob and Krangor moved back from their pit, which Gob had used an illusion to make it look like a normal dirt road. They goaded the giants to attack them. Galthetes seeing no giants coming from his direction moved to meet up with Gob and Krangor. Fox shot a rope arrow into a near by tree to make a trip line trap near her position.

 The giants pursued as planned. They came rushing forward, and the first two giants tumbled down into the pit and fell onto the wooden stakes taking significant damage. The goblins hiding in the bushes were commanded by Fox to fire a volley of arrows at the group of giants and wolves. The goblin archers at the castle fired a volley of arrows as well. The goblin skirmishers got into formation near Gob, Krangor, and Galthetes ready to take on the giants main line. Krangor released the power of his ice gem to unleash a storm of sleet and ice into the middle of the giant group causing them to slip and slide and making movement much more difficult. Gob unleased a fire ball into the middle of the group scorching their skin and causing massive burns. Melfias began the next step of his plan. Using his newly learned spell, dimensions door, Melfias teleported him self to where he saw the heads of the giants that were lobbing rocks at the castle. Upon getting there he remained unnoticed as he was still invisible. He found the large gathering of huge rocks the giants had made as their siege ammunition. He began to make the rock crumble by repeatedly hitting them with blasts of shatter. 

The goblins were the first to make a kill as a volley of arrows took down one of the giants. Soon after, another fell to the stealth squad lead by Fox. Gob shot off a few more fireballs into the heart of the giant group. The group of giants were hurting and they knew something needed to change.

It was time for the giants to go on the offensive. A giant took a near by wolf and threw it at Fox's face. This knocked Fox over and made it harder for her to use her bow and command her troops. Soon that giant plus two other wolves went to take out the stealth squad. One of the wolves tripped on its way to the group buying some much needed time. The giant also slightly tripped, but he took the rope out as he was passing by. The giants that were in the pit were finally able to crawl out of the hole and they rushed Cragmaws main line lead by Galthetes and Krangor. Gob knew it was time to pull out his own trump card, Polymorph! He turned a near by goblin fighter into a raging giant monkey! The monkey began crushing near by giants under its hulk like fists. The giants needed to break not only Gobs concentration, but also his body. The wolves and giants teamed up to break Gob in half, but Gob was able to survive for a while due to his mastery of the shield spell. Sadly though his luck ran out and a giant smashed him into the ground.

Around the same time, Fox and Panthony were starting to get exhausted and injured them selves. With Fox distracted by trying to keep her own life, the stealth squad were less effective and soon Fox and Panthony both fell to the ground due to the constant assault by the wolves and giants. It was up to Krangor, Galthetes, and about 42 goblins to take care of the 2 giants and 3 wolves remaining in the main battlefield. Melfias was in the back lines with the three giants that were hurling boulders. He had been able to finally shatter the rocks, but he needed a way to escape and hopefully stop the giants from joining the fight against his friends. He tried to cast a hypnotic pattern on the 3 giants, but were only able to affect two of them. When he used this spell he lost his invisibility and the last giant learned about his presence. It was time to run. Melfias began to run and dodge as fast as he could back to Cragmaw castle in hopes of being saved by the Cragmaw army. The giant in pursuit was able to get in a few hits and finally when Melfias was able to get back to the trap that Gob and Krangor had made, Melfias was dropped. On the plus side, by the time he had gotten there Galthetes, Krangor, and the army of little green men had been able to take care of those last 3 wolves and giants. Krangor smite them with the power of the gods, while Galthetes used his menacing attacks to make the enemy combatants flee so the group could focus on each enemy one at a time. 

While the giant chasing Melfias was elated to finally knock him on his ass, he soon came to the realization that he was alone and staring at a large army that was ready to rip him limb from limb. He began to flee back to the hill from which he threw his rocks. The Cragmaw army was exhausted, half alive, and pretty broken…. but more importantly they were victorious. They had suffered only the loss of 3 goblins and not a scratch was made to the actual castle its self. The group would need some time to heal up after the assault and decide what to do about the near by giants, but for now it was mostly time for rest.

NEXT TIME ON VORPAL BLADE ZZZZ!! WILL THE WORLD FIND OUT ABOUT CRAGMAW CASTLE NOT TAKING A SINGLE HIT DURING A SIEGE?!?! YOU DAMN RIGHT THEY WILL!!! WILL SIT AND REST OR WILL THEY TRY TO CHASE AFTER THE REMAINING THREE GIANTS?!?! WILL THEY CONTINUE TO GATHER MORE GIANT ARTIFACTS AFTER THIS!? HOW WILL MORGLOB BE AFTER THIS FIGHT?!? HOW IS FRANK AND DROOP I HOPE THEY WERE NOT HURT!! FIND OUT THE ANSWER TO THESE QUESTIONS AND MORE NEXT TIME ON VBZ!!!!

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Session 24 - 5/30/18
Giant Artifacts and hippy chicks

This session opened up with the party enlisting the town people of stowedton to help with repairs on the airship while the party traveled out in search of giant artifacts. The group set out to Morgor's Mound first. Upon arriving at their destination they found a giant mound with what appeared to be dragon bones sticking out of the ground. Fox, Panthony, and Hooty stealthily went ahead to scout out the location. They found the grounds mostly empty, but they found many excavation sites. Gob used detect magic to see if they could find any locations of magical items. They were able to find two and began to dig. It took them 3 days of digging but they were able to find a bag of holding, a Greater Potion of Healing, and a Giants tooth. As soon as the group touched the took out the giants tooth many of the surrounding bones came to life and they were attacked by a group of undead storm beasts!

Since these were undead, Krangor and Galthetes began to really lick their chops cause they couldn't wait to drive their blessed weapons into the bony monsters. Galthetes got to work right away and hacked off an entire limb of the closest storm beast to him doing huge damage and burning its body with the holy power of Lightbringer. Not to be out done Krangor slammed his pole arm into the monsters side and activated his powers of divinity causing massive holy damage to the monster and making it shatter into dust and bone fragments. Gob then blessed the group to improve their chances and Fox sent Panthony to claw away at the beasts while she shot arrows into its face. Melfias was able to blind all three of the remaining foes and by this point date was clearly on the side of the parties. One by one the group attack and broke apart the remaining monsters and came out victorious. After gathering their items the group continued on their journey to Raven Rock.

Along the way they came to a river that they needed to cross. They forded the river Oregon trail style and safely made it across. Upon getting to the other side and setting up camp 3 Hippy looking elf chicks came up and began talking with the group. Melfias was all excited to see some ladies even in their were a little dirtier and smellier then he would have liked. Gob detected that the necklace that one of them was wearing was magical and let the rest of the group know and Galthetes decided that he wanted it. The girls began talking to the party about being one with earth and saying they wre born of Gaia the earth mother and all kinds of other hippy bullshit. Fox did not trust these bitches at all. Galthetes was able to separate the one with the necklace from the rest of her friends by saying that he needed to mediate with her to get closer to earth and then wanted a warm embrace. He tried to pick pocket the necklace off the elf, but was caught and she began to cause a ruckus. Melfias seeing this all go down cast suggestion on the uppity elf hippy and told her to relax let Galthetes take the necklace and then run down the river away from the group for the next 8 hours and dont stop. Linda, the friend of the charmed elf, saw something was wrong with her friend. Melfias quickly cast blindness on her so the friend would have a chance to run away, hoping the other elf hippies would follow and they did. Krangor's god was none to pleased with the events that occurred and cursed him for the next week. All he was doing was setting up the tent so he kinda got fucked there by Melfias and Galthetes. Galthetes and Melfias were pumped to get a new magic necklace and asked God to identify it. He discovered it was basically a GPS necklace and someone or something was tracking it. Galthetes took this as a challenge and wanted to meet this person so he wore the necklace. The group made camp and continued on their journey the next day. 

Upon arriving at raven rock Fox, Panthony, and Hooty again went to scout out the area. They found a raven statue with many small and larger ravens surrounding it. They found a mysterious alter as well. Fox began to try and communicate with the ravens and became acquaintances with them. Gob then used detect magic to find if there was any magical items in the area. They found two spots that had potential. One was right below the raven statue while the other was under the alter. The group figured if they started digging right in front of the ravens home they may not like that. Gob and Fox came up with the idea to make an illusion of a dragon while Melfias used his magic to make sound effects. Combined with the great imagery and sound of Melfias and Gob the fake dragon was able to scare away the crows and the group got to digging. Eventually after digging for a few hours they found a ring of magma.  Galthetes took it as he could not cast any spells and this may help him. The group then needed to rest and they were in hostile territory. Melfias cast Leomulds Tiny Hut to protect the group from any night time enemies. They were able to sleep the night with no issue, but the ravens had returned. The group again used the Gob and Melfias method of instilling fear with the illusionary dragon and made all but a couple ravens leave again. They began digging under the alter and found a giant bone. They took the bone and placed it in their bag of holding. They then set off for  Moribar as there was a teleporter that would take them to Neverwinter and then they could travel back to Stowedton. 

On their way to Stowedton the group could all of the sudden hear the savage screams of giants. There were many of them and they were out for blood. They were rushing towards the direction of cragmaw castle. The group for the first time were about to have to defend their home! 

NEXT TIME ON VORPAL BLADEZ Z!!!!! WE MUST PROTECT OUR HOUSE!! WHAT KIND OF SHITTY THINGS ARE THE GIANTS GOING TO DO?!? IS MORGLOP GOING TO USE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO DOUBLE CROSS US AND TRY TO TAKE THE CASTLE FOR HIMSELF?! HE WOULD BE REALLY DUMB TO DO IT BEFORE THE GIANTS WERE DEAD. HOW MANY ARTIFACTS ARE THE GROUP GOING TO WANT TO GET AND WHAT WILL THEY DO?!? WHAT AWESOME TRICKS CAN THE GROUP COME UP WITH IN TIME TO PROTECT THEIR CASTLE!!?? IF YOU LISTEN TO THE WIND CLOSELY YOU CAN STILL HEAR THE PITTER PATTER OF A HAIRY ELF GIRL RUNNING DOWN A RIVER WHILE SHE IS CHASED BY HER FRIENDS…. FIND OUT ALL THIS AND MORE NEXT TIME ON VORPAL BLADE ZZZZZ1111!!!

 

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Session 23 - 5/10/18
Castle Building, Rats, and I Shit my self

So I got really sick right before this session started with a vicious stomach bug so I really dont know what happened with everything. Here is what I do know happened. I had to throw up and while doing that I couldn't control the other end and I shit my pants. Then my wife had to come and bring me plastic bags and a towel because most of my clothes were covered in shit. I then had to get naked and wrapped a towel around my self and walked to the bathroom to shower all the liquid poop off my body. I then tried to stay up and yell suggestions from the couch while the other people played. That lasted for about 15 mins before I fell asleep. During those 15 mins I know we built the following rooms for our castle: Library, Dining Hall, Garden, and Smithy. I believe after that the rest of the group went on a journey to visit our old stomping grounds of stowedton and found out about some rat problem. I dont know thats about it.

I am guessing Krangor talked to Clark who was like WTF have you been. Fox asked anyone within ear shot about her jar of finger nails, Galthetes brooded in the corner and acted like he didnt need anyone else when in fact he is so lonely and fragile that if we all left him he would fall into a heap and cry for 70 days and nights, and Gob went on a journey to eat the finest cheeses he could find and to ask a king if a hot dog is a sandwich. Melfias and Allora stayed back at Kragmaw Keep sick as hell trying to recover from the black plague. The End. Best Write up ever.

 

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Session 22 - 4/28/18
Airships, Manitcores, and Green Dragons

This session opened up with the group climbing into an airship, with no questions asked, upon the request of a strange looking group of air pirates. Upon getting in the ship they discovered that the group of pirate were part of some dragon cult and they were sent to help us solve the giant issue for this queen dragon. The group seeing no issue with this and being thrilled to have a damn air ship accept the offer and set up for many adventures in the high skies! They decided the first thing they should do is go back and check on Fort Cragmaw as it has been ages since they had been there. 

With the destination in mind the group set sail for the windy skies! They didn't last long before they were surrounded by a group of manticores. The manticores began shooting spikes at the party the the balloon that was keeping the air ship afloat. Melfias tried hypnotizing one so that is could no longer fly and would crash into the earth. The rest of the group start using their ranged arsenal including in the ballista and harpoon that was attached to the airship to take down the threatening manticores. The manticores were able to puncture some holes in the balloon, but were not able to survive long enough to watch the party die. The party fought back slinging arrows and spells and eventually killed all of the menacing manticores.

Soon after, the group continued their journey onto Cragmaw Keep…. unit they were rudely interrupted by an incoming green dragon. The group prepared themselves for battle once more. As the dragon got closer it prepared a devastating poison breath attack which was able to knock out a few of the group. Melfias and Gob did their best to heal people and get them back into the fight. Allora, Fox, and Galthetes shot as many arrows as possible at the dragon cause some damage, but not enough to stop the menace. The dragon, after flying around the ship making quick attacks, was able to recharge up its breath attack and unleash another poisonous assault. Because of the dragons position on top of the balloon the breath attack was not as devastating as the first, but it still cause great damage and started to bring the group to the brink. Krangor having seen his friends take to much pain decided enough was enough and called out for Gob to use his spider walk power on him. Once that was done he began to climb up the balloon like a super hero and flash stepped onto the back of the dragon. Once there, he began to hack away chunks of flesh and viscera from the back of the dragon as the dragon flew around trying to get him off his back. Kragnor was having none of it. He fused his weapon with the power of the gods and unleashed one more devastating blow to the back of the dragons head, penetrating the skull and the group saw the pointy end of the pole arm come through the front of the dragons orbital bones. The dragon was slayed once again by the renowned dragon slayer, but there was still one issue… Krangor was still on the back of the dragon as it began its plummet to earth. With quick thinking Krangor flash stepped back onto the air ship and lived to see another day. Exhausted the group healed each other and their new cultist friends back up and continued on their path to Cragmaw Keep. 

Upon arriving the group was celebrated by the goblin inhabitants of the keep. Frank made a big feast for the group and they ate a new cheese that the goblins had begun making on site. The talked to Morglop about how things were going and everything seemed fine except there was still a distrust with Morglop. They went and visited droop, who was now living like a spoiled kings son. He did seem happy though. The group commanded for the goblins to continue to make improvements to the Keep and to building some new rooms. Melfias also devised a plan to poison the goblins and the king in the event the king ever tried to over throw the group. The group then rest at the castle and decided to set out to find the giant artifacts on the following day.

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21st Session - 3/28/18
Spiders, Oracles, and the bitch slap heard across the world

The session opened up with the group wanting to finish clearing out the temple, so they returned to the spider caverns to see what they could find there. The hole of the cavern was very tight and hard to walk along so Gus enchanted the party with spider walk using his spider staff (which we later found out he wasn't supposed to be able to do. opps.) to help the group climb through the tight tunnels. Galthetes and Krangor took the lead in the tunnels and Galthetes used his excellent slight of hand maneuvers to cut down the frozen webs that we came across without alerting the caverns inhabitants. 

Eventually the group came to a T intersection and choose a direction to go. As soon as they stepped toward that direction they were surrounded on both ends by 4 giant spiders! Krangor, Fox, and Galthetes fought the spiders on one end, while frail Melfias and Gob were stock on the back end. Fox began the fight by hunters marking a spider and launching an arrow at the spiders abdomen. It was a direct hit and bloodied the spider. Panthony squeezed up to the front and got in a few swipes as well. Galthetes then squeezed with Panthony and was able to precisely attack the bloodied spider and killed him. He then slashed off a chunk of the next spider in line. Krangor then was able to poke to death the last spider killing that side of the spider wall.

On the other end two spiders attempted to web Melfias, but he was able to dodge both attacks. Gob through a few fire bolts to soften the spiders up which allowed the stealthy rogue Allora to come through and save the day. She snuck up to one of the spiders and ripped its body to shreds helping the fragile casters. She then went and killed the last remaining spider ending the skirmish. 

The group continued along the path to a spiders nest and found 3 cocoons. Melfias wanted to open the cocoon to see what we be inside, but the females of the group were to scared to play with spiders. Eventually after calling out the nature girl Fox, she relented and slowly cut the cocoon open. In one cocoons was a dead goat of which Galthetes took the horns. In the second cocoon was a dead dwarf miner with a note on him written in dwarvish. In the final cocoon was a barely living woman wearing a symbol of the barbarian horde that the group had fought earlier. Without thinking Fox stuck her in the throat cause fuck her and fuck that group. In the back corner of the room Allora found a wooden paint egg. She opened it to find a delicious gummy candy! The group pressed on and continued exploring. They found a secret exist that brought them outside of the cavern.

They pressed on until they found a big rom with a pillar in the middle surrounded by spider webs. The group began cutting the webs until they were ambushed by a queen frost spider and two normal spiders. The queen was able to web Galthetes in place who struggled to escape from its enveloping grasp. Krangor was able to get some nice hits on one of the standard spider weakening it greatly. Fox and Panthery did the normal arrow claw combo attack and killed one of the spiders. Allora then snuck in and disemboweled another spider and all that was left was teh queen. Melfias being the crafty silver tounged bard he was decided to use vicious mockey to really hurt the spiders feelings. After about 20 minutes he finally released an insult so disparaging and uncouth, that we dare not type the words here. The queen spider was very very sad. The group teamed up to kill her as quickly as they could, but not before she was able to release a deluge of baby spiders that scrambled to cover Gobs face. 

Gob started to scream and wither in pain and panic, as his mind raced thinking of ways to get rid of the spiders. He yelled out for someone to hit him in the face to crushed the spiders. 

Melfias jumped at this once in a life time opportunity to smack the shit out of Gob. With the utmost confidence and the force of a wet blanket Melfias unleashed a perfect back hand into Gobs smug spider cover face. It made Melfias feel so good to hit Gob that he thought about doing it again just for funsies, but alas they did have to make sure that Gobs face was not consumed by spiders. Melfias drifted off to cloud 9 and thought about hitting Gob in the face many more times and how great and manly it made him feel. It was the first time he had ever actually hit someone with physical force, not just singing at them like some sort of deranged man siren. Melfias, now standing at full mast from causing physical pain to someone, snapped back into reality and the group continued try to kill the spiders munching on Gobs face. Krangor tried to drown them out using his stump cup, Allora tried to wiped them off his face and crush them beneath her feet, Gob tried to use change water to melt the ice around him and grown the spiders on his face, Fox sent Panthony to lick them off his face. Eventually, we were able to kill the swarm of baby spiders much to the pleasure of Gob. The group then went and searched the queen spiders lair and found a sapphire and a potion of crawling. They then returned to the main door surrounded by runes.

Upon getting to the main door the group had to figure out a way to open the door. Gob was able to translate the letter found on the dwarf and it offered a clue stating that the arms of the giants affected the door in some way. Eventually the group decided to try touching the runes with the weapon and decided to have Harshnag touch the frost rune with the frost giants traditional weapon and it worked!. The door became a portal and the group stepped through.

Inside the found the corpse of a dead giant with a morning star and breast plate. As the group approached it a ghost appeared and began to talk to the group. He said he would give the group the location of the actual oracle if they agreed to help him kill his dad, a cloud giant. The group agreed and he said to move his body as the oracle was below him. They did and found an ice mound with a rune etched in. They melted the mount and there was the great oracle. Everyone was allowed to ask one question from the mighty oracle. Fox asked about her finger nails, but got no real information. Allora asked about Cragmaw castle and found out that Morglop was plotting to take over our castle. Galthetes asked who his dad was and found out he was a terrible but amazing entity. Melfias asked about what would be the next step in ending the rampage of the giants and the oracle stated that they must go and  visit the leader of the storm giants, but to get there they must get a conch of teleportation which are held by the leaders of the other 5 giant tribes. Also, there were giant artifacts throughout the land and the more artifacts they bring to the oracle to more ways they would have in dealing with the storm giants. Krangor asked if Harshnag would be a new giant king to which the oracle agreed that he would definitely bring peace among the giants. Gob seeking true wisdom asked the oracle if it would rather fight one bear sized duck or 50 duck sized bears. The oracle being overwhelmed with pride and awe for being asked such a succinct question began to open up Gobs soul and allowed his body undergo a transformation. (He got a new mini that actually was of a cool wizard). With the final question asked the oracle went dormant once again.

The group searched the oracles room and found a magic breast plate and a bunch of painted egg like objects. Inside Krangors egg was a tiny mirror. When Krangor looked deep into the mirror he to could feel his souls true form awake and he was born a new in a new form. (He also got a new mini that actually looked like a paladin with a pole arm.) 

With all of the business done at the oracle the group took a long rest and continued to leave the temple. When they got outside they found waiting for them an airship being commandeered by a group wearing similar uniforms. They called down to the group inviting them into the boat. Without thinking twice the group oblidged and the session ended…

NEXT TIME ON VORPAL BLADES Z… WAS IT A GOOD IDEA TO GO ON A STRANGE CULTISH AIRSHIP NO QUESTIONS ASKED?!?! PROB NOT BUT FUCK IT!! WILL FOX EVER GET ANY REAL ANSWERS ABOUT HER TOE NAILS?!!? IS MORGRLOP DUMB ENOUGH TO TRY AND ACTUALLY TAKE OVER OUR CASTLE!!!?? ARE WE GOING TO HAVE TO KILL A BITCH?! POOR HARSHNAG BROUGHT US TO THE ORACLE AND DIDNT EVEN GET TO ASK A QUESTION. POOR GUY! IS MELFIAS EVER GOING TO GET HIS CHANCE TO KILL SOMETHING WITH HIS BARE HANDS?!!? PROB NOT CUASE HE IS A GIANT PUSSY BUT MAN DID HE LIKE HITTING SOMEONE!! FIND OUT ALL THIS AND MORE ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF VBZ!!!

 

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20th Session - 3/3/18
Eye of the All Father Temple

The session opened up with the grouP standing in front of the entrance to the Giants holy temple, The Eye of the All Father. They planned to go and explore it in search of the oracle for advice on what to do about the giant problems plaguing the land. 

Upon getting to the entrance Fox noticed fresh snow printed leading into the temple. Allora went out ahead to scout for traps for the group and everyone else slowly followed behind. Allora found what she thought could be an active trap. The group decided to send Panthony, now regulated to trap bait duty, up ahead to see if he could make it through the room without being crushed, maimed, or out right killed. Gob cast dancing lights so that he was able to see and Panthony slowly made his way across the hall with no issues. When he got to the end of the hall he could hear loud grunting coming from a group up ahead. The group began walking towards Panthony. Panthony ran back to the party and the party prepared for an ambush. Melfias, Fox, Gob, and Allora climbed to some alcoves found along the top of the hall way and hid. Krangor, Galthetes, Harshnag, and Panthony waited for the mysterious group to come as they hoped to talk their way out of a possible fight. That plan went up in smoke as soon as they saw the contingent of barbarians rushing for them with bloodlust in their eyes. The battle had begun.

The battle started with Gob lobbing a perfect fireball in the middle of the incoming barbarians and causing pain to each member of the horde. Fox made the leader of the barbarian group her sworn enemy and began peppering him with arrows. Melfias then began to make them dance with some hypnotic patterns, which affected all but two of the barbarians. A shaman hiding behind the group began to cast spells that caused a mystical aura to appear around the clashing members of the two parties. The barbarian horde then spent time waking up the members affected by the dance spell. While this was happening Krangor, Galthetes, Fox, Panthony, and Gob brought the pain. Gob released another fireball hitting many of the barbarians once again, Fox shot more arrows into the barbarian leader, Galthetes began slicing and dicing the lowly members of the group, Krangor used the power of his holy might to smite the enemies, and Panthony jumped from the top rope and landed on the spell casting shaman to break his concentration. Not to be out done by a Panther, Allora nimbly ran along the top of the alcove and jumped off and with all her force jammed both of her daggers into the Shaman instantly eviscerating the shamans liver and bringing a quick death to him. She then fed the liver to the ever hungry Panthony. Melfias then cast faerie fire on the remaining barbarians giving a significant advantage to his allies attacks. With a weakened and debuffed barbarian horde the rest of the group made easy work of them and killed them one by one till none we left standing. The group searched the barbarians for any value loot and found an Amulet of protection from searching. As Allora was the one to usually sneak around she was the one to receive the amulet. After some slight healing the group continued on deeper into the temple.

In the next room the group came to a statue of what looked to be a huge giant god with 6 smaller statues of giants looking at the god statue. Each of the smaller statues were holding a weapon while the God statue had its arms out looking at an arch way that had ruins in it. The archway had a stone barricade that could not be moved. The group decided this most be some sort of puzzle and there was a way to open the rune arch way. They tried to have Harshnah place his weapon into the only statue missing a weapon, but nothing happened. The group decided to continue on as maybe the weapon they needed was hidden somewhere in the temple. 

They ventured forth into the northern door and found two paths to take, a hall way and a stair way. The group went up the stairway first to find many bedrooms. They ransacked the bedrooms and ended up finding a magical icicle that could do many cool things. Allora was the lucky recipient of that as well. The group then went back down the stairs and to the hall way where they found a statue of a giant with arms out stretched and had a magical aura. Melfias thinking that the giant statue would come alive and kill them decided to dispel the aura of the statue. The group then began to search the side bedrooms found in this hall way. After going through most of the rooms all of the sudden stone walls covered all the exits of the hallway and bedrooms and the group were stuck with no where to go in the hallway. Suddenly, out of the ice at the end of the hall way a giant stone ball appeared and began rolling down the hallway to crush the adventurers. Melfias was the closest to the wall and had little time to react and was sadly crushed. The rest of the group either was able to climb up the walls to get out of the balls range or hide in a corner and dodge the ball as it approached. The ball then went and crashed right through the giant statue, broke the stone wall behind it, but covered up the exit out. The bad part was that the group was now stuck in this hallway with a giant boulder sealing it from anyone getting in or out. The good news was that the group was now stuck in this hallway with a giant boulder sealing it from anyone getting in or out which means it was time to rest!! After the rest Melfias used his shatter spell to blow open the remaining bedroom doors to check for loot of which there was none. He then began shattering the giant boulder in the way slowly, but surely. Eventually after another full day of shattering the boulder crumbled and the group was able to escape. 

The group returned to the main hall where the giant statues were and went to the south this time. Upon going in they found a Giant's cafeteria. In the corner of the room they saw what looked to be a Frost Giants Axe. They then checked the room for any other treasure and had Harshnag grab the axe.

On the way out of the cafeteria a giant centipede and two gents ambushed the group! The centipede instantly went for poor Allora and swallowed her whole! Krangor angered by the site of seeing her friend swallowed rushed the centipede and swore an oath to kill it giving him advantage on his attacks from his god. He slammed the fiery centipede with his polearm's divine power three times and caused it to scream in pain and throw Allora back up. Being invigorated by Krangors rage, Galthetes got into the fray and slashed the centipede fives times in quick succession and causing it to fall over. Gob then cast slow on the centipede and the two geths causing them unable to move as freely as they wished. Melfias viciously mocked the centipede to distract it from eating anyone else. Fox and Panthony handled the two geths on their own using their awesome team work and coordinating their attacks. After taking some more chunks of flesh from the centipede carapace it slowly began to see the light to centipede heaven. Krangor made sure it had a one way trip to meet its maker. He then laid his hands on Allora and Galthetes to return some of their health. The group then gathered up the new axe and returned to the main hall where they would continue their adventure at a later date…

NEXT TIME ON VORPAL BLADE Z CAN THE GROUP ACTUALLY FIGURE OUT HOW TO OPEN THIS RUNE DOOR??!! THERE WAS A SPIDER CAVE THAT WE DIDNT GO DOWN REMEMBER TO GO DOWN THAT!!! IS ALLORA GOING TO GET ALL THE COOL ITEMS?!? IS PANTHONY OK BEING A SACRIFICIAL LAMB?! ARE WE EVERY GOING TO ACTUALLY MEET ANY GIANTS IN THE GIANTS HOLY TEMPLE?!? FIND OUT ALL THIS AND MORE NEXT TIME ON VBZ!!!!

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19th session - 1/25/18
Rods, Avalanches, and Road Trips

This session opened up with the group exhausted from the previous fight, but now in the need to continue the excavation of the metal giant rod in the ground. The group was able to convince the goblins to start working for them to and to begin digging. Harshnag was able to use the giant metal rod they found, with some help from Gob, to use it to located them to another giant metal body part. It was a foot that seemed like it belonged to a huge metal monstrosity, dwarfing the size of a normal giant. Gob then used his power of messaging to tell the locals from Tribor to come and help the goblins with the excavation and to store the giant foot somewhere safe. The found the toughest meanest looking goblin and put him in charge so the group could continue their journey. 

They continued on their path and were by a group of ogres which they easily dispatched. They then made it all the way to a cold town that was on the edge of the mountains and went on a shopping spree. They were able to buy many winter necessities likes coats, gloves, food, climbing equipment, many socks, a sled, camping gear, and other needed items. After thier shopping spree they continued on their way. 

Soon after they ran into a majestic group of elk. Fox was able to communicate with them and get them to help push our sled along so we could move quicker. We continued out journey forward.

Soon after they ran into a majestic group of elk. Fox was able to communicate with them and get them to help push our sled along so we could move quicker. We continued out journey forward.

Soon after they ran into a majestic group of elk. Fox was able to communicate with them and get them to help push our sled along so we could move quicker. We continued out journey forward.

Soon after they ran into a majestic group of elk. Fox was able to communicate with them and get them to help push our sled along so we could move quicker. We continued out journey forward.

Soon after they ran into a majestic group of elk. Fox was able to communicate with them and get them to help push our sled along so we could move quicker. We continued out journey forward.

By this point we had an elite army of transportation elk that were able to pull out carriage at super speeds.

Soon after the group arrived at a battle ground where barbarians and frost giants were trying to kill each other. The group said fuck that and tried to sneak around. Kragnor sadly sticks out more then a swastika at a gay pride parade. The giants were able to see him trying to cross undetected and sent a rock hurtling towards the group. The rock missed Krangor but slammed against the mountain behind them causing an avalanche to occur burying the group in piles of snow. Gob was able to use his control of water to clear everyone out and the group continued on, deciding not to get involved in giant/barbarian affairs. 

During every night when the group sleeps Gob would set up an alarm to wake if any intruders tried to infiltrate their camp. Thank god he did cause this night a group of cragcats tried to attack. The group destroyed the kitties once they were all awake and ready for battle, but they did mess up a great dream of being a super ninja assassin god that Melfias was having. The group also skinned the cats for their furs as it had some protective properties.  

The group was finally able to make it to the temple of teh all seeing mother after many strenuous days of travel. With abated breathe the group looked to continue their journey to finally meet the giant oracle. 

NEXT TIME ON VORPAL BLADE Z WHAT DANGEROUS AWAIT THE GROUP INSIDE THE TEMPLE?! WILL THE ORACLE ACTUALLY HELP THE DEVLISHLY HANDSOME PARTY!!11? WILL KRANGOR EVER BE ABLE TO SNEAK LIKE A PRO111?? WILL GALTHETES MAKE SOME BAD ASS MITTENS OUT OF DEAD KITTY CARCASSES!!? FIND OUT ALL THIS AND MORE NEXT TIME ON VBZ!!!!

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18th Session - 1/18/18
Friendly Giants, Not so Friendly Giants, Orcs, and a Rod

This session opened up with the group introducing them selves to the new frost giant, Harshnad, that had just appeared and helped in protecting the soldiers from the bad giants attack in Goldenfields. He seemed like a very docile and friendly giant and talked about his hatred of other giants causing harm to humans. He said he was on a quest to head up to see an oracle at the spine of the world. We told him about the giants Kingsmoote and he said he was already aware, but wasn't sure if he knew his place in it. That is why he wanted to go to the oracle to find out. The group knowing they wanted to stop the havoc of the giants needed someone they could trust to become the new giant king and this friendly giant so far seemed like their best and only option. The group decided to travel with him to the oracle. It was a week and a half trek just to get there and would probably end up being very dangerous. With hope in their hearts the group set out.

After traveling for a couple days the group ran into a large pack of orcs walking with some enslaved humans tied up in ropes. The group knew they had to devise a plan to get numbers on the side and save the humans. Gob, being the brilliant illusionist that he was, devised a plan to create the image of a giant ice dragon flying through he sky, while Melfias would create terrifying sound effects to scare the orcs away. The rest of the group would hide in the shadows and slaughter any orcs that did not run. Their new giant friend would go up and act like he was controlling the fake dragon and scare away the orcs as well. Or so that was the plan. In reality all of that happened, but the friendly giant went and began to preach to the orcs telling them they could turn to a life of kindness and didn't have to do these evil things to the humans. The orcs were petrified in fear of what they were seeing and ran away anyway. The human were also scared shitless and tried to escape as well, but luckily they were tied down. After dispatching the orcs the group calmed down the humans and talked to them about their situation. They said they were from a near by village that was attacked by orcs and they were taken for prison. They were simple farmers. One had had his walking stick broken. Gob used his wand of magic wand to make many sticks appear and Melfias used mending to fuse them together to make a walking stick for him. The friendly Giant widdled a wooden skull based off the near by dead orcs and Melfias fused that on the stick as well. The human was very happy. Melfias invited the humans to go to Cragmaw castle to be farmers there as they needed a source of food. The farmers said they would consider it and went on their merry way as did the group. 

The group continued their journey until they came about a group of goblins digging holes in the ground and found what looked like another giant rod in the ground. The group didnt know the purpose of the rod, but knew that giants they had fought in the past had given up thier lives try to get it before and the group thought they might need this one as well. The went up and started to talk to the goblins to get a feel for what was going on and whose command they were under. They stated they were being enslaved by a group of fire giants and were digging out the rod plus anything else they may find. The group told them if they instead dug up the road for them instead they would guarantee all of them a place to go live at Cragmaw Fort. Some of the goblins seemed interested, but most did not. Over to the side was a group of shovel merchants. Allora went over to them and bought 5 shovels off them to help out the goblins. The merchants were excited to make a sale and the goblins were excited to have actual tools. Fox began to concentrate to get a sense if giants were around. She could send a group heading right for them. Battle was about to begin…

The ground went and hid in some of the holes that the goblins ahd dug up and waited for teh giants to approach. They readied themselves so they could surprise them with a fury of attacks. Melfias was able to cast hypnotic pattern on one of them and make him see dancing lights. Gob launched some scorching rays at another. Fox took an oath of death against one and unloaded some arrows. Krangor began furiously slashing with his pole arm once one got in range. Allora shot some arrows at them with her Giant Slaying bow. Galthetes jumped out of the hole like a banshee from hell and began to swing his twin swords with rage and malicious intent. He was so intense it began to frighten one of the giants who ran away as fast as he could instead of fighting against the enraged half elf.  Once the group finished their surprise assault the real fight began. 

The first giant went and took his club and eviscerated poor Krangor in a single attack leaving him twitching in pain in his deep dark hole. Another threw a rock at Fox and crushed her like Muslim woman that cheated on her husband with a jew. The goblins that remained loyal to the giants began to also attack the group, but luckily they were poor fighters and were not able to do much. After that harsh counter attack by the giants the group needed to step up thier game cause this was not going to be an easy fight. Gob was able to shoot off a healing word to Krangor to get him back on his feet and cast slow to hinder the giants greatly. Melfias was able to get a healing word of his own off to bring back Fox so she could crawl from under her Muslim rock prison and get back in the fight. She needed to kill the giant she swore an oath to kill and began shooting arrows and sending panthery to attack. Krangor was able to get some slashes of holy energy in with his pole arm and cause some damage. Galthetes continued to spread fear into the mind of a single giant and slash off some chunks of its flesh. Allora continued to shoot off arrows at the giants. Eventually the group was able to bring down one giant which was of great help by the huge damage done to it by Krangor. Sadly, it came at a cost as the giant next to it set its eyes for Krangor as well and crushed him again. Another Giant was able to attack Melfias and ruined his concentration on his hypnotic pattern bringing another giant back into the mix. The dehypnotized giant began to chase down Galthetes for scaring his friend and slammed him with his stone club severing injuring him. Things were starting to look rough…. until a shining glimmer of hope arose on the horizon. In the back Gob had been concentrating on using his all of his magic might into a single super charged magic missile spell. With the force of a super sayian SSJ4 goku, Gob released the fury of 7 magic missiles into the face of the giant that was harming his friend Krangor and making the giant explode on impact. Galthetes knowing he also needed the help of some of that sweet magic missile love began focusing on dodging the attacks of teh giants as much as possible. With both giants on kragnor now dead he got up from his hole a second time and ran to attack the giants attack Galthetes. Fox and Allora also assisted with a barrage of piercing arrows. Melfias sat in the corner getting beat on by some goblins and trying to shoot of spells as best he could. the shovel merchants helped as best they could with the goblin menace. Harshnag also assaulted the a near by giant inflicting huge damage with his war axe. Soon another giant fell and it was down to a the group vs one lonely giant. While the Vorpal Bladez may have been weak they still had their secret weapon….. SSJ4 KAMAYAYAYA MAGIC MISSILE BARRAGE OF DEATH AND FEEL BAD SPELL FROM GOB!!!!!  He released another magical assault on the lonely giant and made him fall to his knees where Galthetes awaited with his twin blades of no mercy and he slashed off his head. Exhausted and tried the group went to sit down and take a much needed break…

NEXT TIME ON VORPAL BLADEZ ZZZZZ DID THE GROUP RECRUIT A RELIGIOUS FANATIC FOR A KING??!!? THAT MIGHT NOT BE GOOD! HOW ABOUT THAT MAGIC MISSILE SHIT WAS FUCKING CLUTCH!!! WHAT THE HELL DO THOSE RODS EVEN DO. THEY BETTER BE WORTH THE TROUBLE!! HOW ABOUT AN ILLUSIONARY ICE DRAGON THAT SHIT WAS THE TITS!!  WIL IT TAKE 4 YEARS FOR THE GROUP TO TAKE TO THE ORACLE?!?! FIND THIS OUT AND MORE NEXT TIME ON VBZ!!!!

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12/2/17 - 17th Session
Cosmos, giants, and money...

THIS WAS COSMOPOLITAN NIGHT AND I HAD WAY TO MANY. THIS WRITE UP WILL BE VERY SHORT CAUSE OF THIS FACT

The group started out waiting for their money in the hotel room. The guy showed up with a few police officers who waited in the lobby while he went up to the actual hotel room. There he gave Melfias the 20k that was left to pay, minus his 7k fee. Shockingly there were no issues and everyone left with their head and limbs in tact… and slightly richer. 

The group traveled back to Cragmaw Fort to give Frank the new found money so they could complete construction on the castle. They also put down some money to help complete their new road as well. They talked to Frank who said everything seemed to be going well except Morglop might need to be put into his place. The group talked to Morglop and told him to chickity check him self before he wrecks him self. He nodded in agreement. He wanted to throw a big party for the groups return home and also to unveil the new painting that the group had received from the cloud giant. After the dinner, the group placed the covered painting on their mantle and pulled down the curtain. Behind the curtain, appeared a self portrait of the cloud giant wizard laying naked on majestic furs fully sprawled out for all the world to see. The picture also by some force of magic was now locked in place. The group then rest for the night full of delicious Frank food and under the watchful eye of the naked cloud wizard.

The next day some of the group stayed back at the castle debating on the best ways to build a  trade route including the construction of a double wide road, businesses along the road, shoulders in case of break downs, and other fun aspects of civil engineering. Melfias, Krangor, and Galthetes went over to Stowed ton and talked to Clark to learn how the situation was over there. They gave Clark some money for the fine work he had been doing and told him that he was still in charge. They then went and gave him gold to start up a trade school that focuses on wood working, alchemy, smithing, and warfare. They went and found people around the town to help teach at this new school. Clark would oversee the project while the group continued on their adventures.

The group then went off to Goldenfield to deal with Melfias' family grow situation and to take care of the giants that were inhabiting the area. Upon getting to a giant hill in the middle of the fields they saw many giants at the top laying siege to a small regiment of people. The group snuck up to the top of the hill and began to take out the giants one by one. Fox used her keen hunters eye and Oathbow to deal devastating damage to the giants. Panthony, not to be outdone by his lovely master, brought his A game and his razor sharp claws to the mix. He began slashing and biting the giants and tearing out chunks of viscera from their jiggly fat laden bodies. The rest of the group also chipped in and a long hard fought battle raged on. In the distance they saw another giant coming straight for them and the group prepared to have to add another name to their list of giant kills. Instead, this mysterious frost giant began to attack the other hill giants and helped out the group. With his aid the group laid waste to the remaining giants and proved once again victorious. With that the group decided to begin their talks with their new found ally…. and Melfias threw up in a bucket. 

NEXT TIME ON VORPAL BLADE ZZZZZ WHO IS THIS MYSTERIOUS GIANT AND WILL HE BE FRIEND OR FOE?!!? WILL MELFIAS EVER LEARN ANY SELF CONTROL?!!? WILL FOX CONTINUE TO ROLL LIKE A BAD ASS WILL MELFIAS HELP OUT HIS FAMILY DRUG TRADE??!!? HOW ABOUT THAT NEW SCHOOL WILL IT ENRICH YOUNG MINDS?!? FIND OUT ALL THIS AND MORE NEXT TIME ON VBZ!!!!

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11/9/17 - 16th Session
Witches Curses, Melfias Family, and Brothers inheritance

The session opened up with the group trying to interrogate the newly captured witch. After some threats and bargaining the group got no where with the cackling fiend. She refused to talk and only stated how she was going to kill everyone. The group hog tied her bony ass up and brought her back to the centaur village so they could deal with her. Bojack was very excited to see the reason for their curse in shackles and gave the witch to two of his trusted guards. The centaurs then threw a large festival for the group in their honor. Melfias tried convincing Bojack to lead his people to a new home near the groups fort, but he still said he would not leave in ancestral lands if there was no reason to. With the group went to sleep for the night drunk on mead and full of cockatrice. 

In the middle of the night, the sound of screams began to fill the air. The group got up from their slumber and went to investigate.  In the middle of the village they found many injured or dead centaurs. Bojack ran up to them saying the witch escaped and has attacked the village. Off in the distance the group could hair the familiar cackling that has been haunting their dreams. The group made haste after the eerie sound and found the source to be inside a barn. 

Upon opening the door to the barn the group found the witch with a gaping wound in her neck lying in the middle of a symbol made in blood. A dark blight emanated from the symbol as if it was ready to desecrate the surrounding land. This was the witches parting gift for the group. Melfias was able to slow down the spread of the blight by dispelling some of its magic, but the ritual had already been completed and the blight was still there. The group went out to tell Bojack of the situation. The group believed the centaurs should leave this land while they still had time and they should burn down the town as the blight feeds off of life. If the group burned everything around the source of the blight, then the blight might not be able to feed its self and die out. Bojack agreed that they needed to move, but still relented about moving near Cragmaw castle. He said it would be up to the village elders. They would call a meeting to discuss their future plans. As for this night the group and the centaurs worked on evacuating the village for the night. 

The night morning after helping the centaurs flee the blight the group decided it was time to head to Watersdeep and try to get that sweet inheritance from those brothers the killed a few weeks back. Since this was also the home of Melfias he figured he might as well go see his parents for the first time in many years.

Upon arriving Melias and Allora devised a plan to go to the bank with the needed paperwork to try and claim the 50k of gold inheritance. Melfias would dress up like the family lawyer, Dr jew lawyer Jaruselestien and Allora would dress up as one of the brothers and wear their face as a mask. Upon arriving at the bank the teller said everything seems to be in order, but per the wills wishes there must be a notary present as well as the brothers remaining aunts and uncles, which only 1 of each still survived. Melfias tried to be sly and saying how the brother did not get along wiht his family and only wished to have the gold now and be done with this endevor, but it did not work and the teller demanded that this happen to get any gold. Melfias and Allora left the bank and Melfias called up an old friend of his who was a notary. During the meet up Melfias told him to just do this normal notary job for his friend and don't do anything out of the norm. Allora gave him 1000 gold that was fake and which hopefully the guy did not notice its legitimacy.  The next step were to get someone to play the aunt and the uncle. Galthetes jumped up at the opportunity to play the aunt, which was kinda weird, as not much excites Galthetes other then money. Krangor agreed to play the uncle.

The group had never seen Galthetes as excited as when he got to put on his new corset and fake boobs. Maybe this was a side of Galthetes that has just been waiting to burst out. The group with their fancy new disguises went back to the bank to begin the will reading. Galthetes and Krangor bickered with each other like an old married couple which made the whole scene very believable. They also fought with Allora to show the family dysfunction. The bank teller allowed the notary and the fake family into a private room so he could read the will. During the reading of the will it was obvious that the writer of it had great disdain for the aunt as she was not allowed to touch anything and especially not the china. Wonder what kind of crazy bitch we were impersonating. Galthetes seemed to take offense for the real aunt as he was not pleased he could not see the china. Once everything was read the notary started to get an inkling of what was going on and demanded a bigger cut once he saw the group was about to get 50k. After some negotiations the group agreed to give him 3k if he could get the money that night. 

The group went and rented a hotel near by as a meeting place to make the transfer. While the group waited Melfias decided to go and introduce his new friends to his family whom he had seen since he set out on this adventure many years ago. Upon arriving Melfias mother, Melfia, was very excited to see him. Melfias was obviously a mamas boy as they got along quite well and shared many of the same flamboyant mannerisms. After some small talk and catching up Melfias decided to go and talk with his Dad, whom he did not get along with. He Dad was gruff, ruthless, and business like at all times. He welcomes Melfias and then made comments about his friends and his life style. Melfias tried to convince his dad that he did not have to keep selling fairy dust to people to survive and could go into other drug trades like milk weed and pixie powder. Melfias dad, Vistar, scoffed at these remarks and said they know the fair dust trade and unless Melfias can offer something better this would be the trade they were in. Melfias agreed to help his family get their business back together by getting them some new connects, but demanded to be part owner of the business and for the drugs that they traded to be on the softer side. Vistar agreed and Melfias and the group set out back to the hotel to deal with the inheritance. 

Back at the hotel the notary arrived, but seemed very worried. He began talking with the group and gave them 30k. The group could tell something was wrong. The notary said he didn't have enough time to get it all and nothing was wrong. The group threatened his life and his families life. The notary would not relent and said he could get the rst of the money the next day. The group elt him go and said if he did not return or pulled anything funny they would kill him. They also sent Allora behind him. When the notary left the hotel he began communicating with someone using a scrying stone and said that the group had taken the money but it was starting to get scary for him. He then disappeared into the crowd. 

The next day the group left Hooty and Pantherny as scouts around the building to watch for anything suspicious. Eventually they saw police guards start walking to the hotel with the notary in tow. Stuff was about to get serious. The group had planned on an escape path in case things got hair, cause it looks like shit could be going down soon…

NEXT TIME ON VORPAL BLADEZ ZZZZZZ!!!!! DID THE NOTARY FUCK THE GROUP OVER… YA PROB! WILL THE CENTAURS HURRY THE HELL UP AND MAKE UP THEIR MIND ABOUT MOVING!!!11 WHO NEEDS A WEEK TO CALL A MEETING WHILE THEIR VILLAGE IS ENGULFED BY BLIGHT!? MELFIAS MAY BE A MAMAS BOY BUT HE JUST AS MUCH OF AN ASSHOLE AS HIS DAD LETS NOT KID OURSELVES. OYA GOB ROLLED A 20 HISTORY CHECK IN A LIBRARY SEARCHING FOR GIANT INFO SO NOW WE BASICALLY KNOW EVERYTHING EVER ABOUT GIANTS WOOOOOO!!!1

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