Stowed-ton Adventures

19th session - 1/25/18
Rods, Avalanches, and Road Trips

This session opened up with the group exhausted from the previous fight, but now in the need to continue the excavation of the metal giant rod in the ground. The group was able to convince the goblins to start working for them to and to begin digging. Harshnag was able to use the giant metal rod they found, with some help from Gob, to use it to located them to another giant metal body part. It was a foot that seemed like it belonged to a huge metal monstrosity, dwarfing the size of a normal giant. Gob then used his power of messaging to tell the locals from Tribor to come and help the goblins with the excavation and to store the giant foot somewhere safe. The found the toughest meanest looking goblin and put him in charge so the group could continue their journey. 

They continued on their path and were by a group of ogres which they easily dispatched. They then made it all the way to a cold town that was on the edge of the mountains and went on a shopping spree. They were able to buy many winter necessities likes coats, gloves, food, climbing equipment, many socks, a sled, camping gear, and other needed items. After thier shopping spree they continued on their way. 

Soon after they ran into a majestic group of elk. Fox was able to communicate with them and get them to help push our sled along so we could move quicker. We continued out journey forward.

Soon after they ran into a majestic group of elk. Fox was able to communicate with them and get them to help push our sled along so we could move quicker. We continued out journey forward.

Soon after they ran into a majestic group of elk. Fox was able to communicate with them and get them to help push our sled along so we could move quicker. We continued out journey forward.

Soon after they ran into a majestic group of elk. Fox was able to communicate with them and get them to help push our sled along so we could move quicker. We continued out journey forward.

Soon after they ran into a majestic group of elk. Fox was able to communicate with them and get them to help push our sled along so we could move quicker. We continued out journey forward.

By this point we had an elite army of transportation elk that were able to pull out carriage at super speeds.

Soon after the group arrived at a battle ground where barbarians and frost giants were trying to kill each other. The group said fuck that and tried to sneak around. Kragnor sadly sticks out more then a swastika at a gay pride parade. The giants were able to see him trying to cross undetected and sent a rock hurtling towards the group. The rock missed Krangor but slammed against the mountain behind them causing an avalanche to occur burying the group in piles of snow. Gob was able to use his control of water to clear everyone out and the group continued on, deciding not to get involved in giant/barbarian affairs. 

During every night when the group sleeps Gob would set up an alarm to wake if any intruders tried to infiltrate their camp. Thank god he did cause this night a group of cragcats tried to attack. The group destroyed the kitties once they were all awake and ready for battle, but they did mess up a great dream of being a super ninja assassin god that Melfias was having. The group also skinned the cats for their furs as it had some protective properties.  

The group was finally able to make it to the temple of teh all seeing mother after many strenuous days of travel. With abated breathe the group looked to continue their journey to finally meet the giant oracle. 

NEXT TIME ON VORPAL BLADE Z WHAT DANGEROUS AWAIT THE GROUP INSIDE THE TEMPLE?! WILL THE ORACLE ACTUALLY HELP THE DEVLISHLY HANDSOME PARTY!!11? WILL KRANGOR EVER BE ABLE TO SNEAK LIKE A PRO111?? WILL GALTHETES MAKE SOME BAD ASS MITTENS OUT OF DEAD KITTY CARCASSES!!? FIND OUT ALL THIS AND MORE NEXT TIME ON VBZ!!!!

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18th Session - 1/18/18
Friendly Giants, Not so Friendly Giants, Orcs, and a Rod

This session opened up with the group introducing them selves to the new frost giant, Harshnad, that had just appeared and helped in protecting the soldiers from the bad giants attack in Goldenfields. He seemed like a very docile and friendly giant and talked about his hatred of other giants causing harm to humans. He said he was on a quest to head up to see an oracle at the spine of the world. We told him about the giants Kingsmoote and he said he was already aware, but wasn't sure if he knew his place in it. That is why he wanted to go to the oracle to find out. The group knowing they wanted to stop the havoc of the giants needed someone they could trust to become the new giant king and this friendly giant so far seemed like their best and only option. The group decided to travel with him to the oracle. It was a week and a half trek just to get there and would probably end up being very dangerous. With hope in their hearts the group set out.

After traveling for a couple days the group ran into a large pack of orcs walking with some enslaved humans tied up in ropes. The group knew they had to devise a plan to get numbers on the side and save the humans. Gob, being the brilliant illusionist that he was, devised a plan to create the image of a giant ice dragon flying through he sky, while Melfias would create terrifying sound effects to scare the orcs away. The rest of the group would hide in the shadows and slaughter any orcs that did not run. Their new giant friend would go up and act like he was controlling the fake dragon and scare away the orcs as well. Or so that was the plan. In reality all of that happened, but the friendly giant went and began to preach to the orcs telling them they could turn to a life of kindness and didn't have to do these evil things to the humans. The orcs were petrified in fear of what they were seeing and ran away anyway. The human were also scared shitless and tried to escape as well, but luckily they were tied down. After dispatching the orcs the group calmed down the humans and talked to them about their situation. They said they were from a near by village that was attacked by orcs and they were taken for prison. They were simple farmers. One had had his walking stick broken. Gob used his wand of magic wand to make many sticks appear and Melfias used mending to fuse them together to make a walking stick for him. The friendly Giant widdled a wooden skull based off the near by dead orcs and Melfias fused that on the stick as well. The human was very happy. Melfias invited the humans to go to Cragmaw castle to be farmers there as they needed a source of food. The farmers said they would consider it and went on their merry way as did the group. 

The group continued their journey until they came about a group of goblins digging holes in the ground and found what looked like another giant rod in the ground. The group didnt know the purpose of the rod, but knew that giants they had fought in the past had given up thier lives try to get it before and the group thought they might need this one as well. The went up and started to talk to the goblins to get a feel for what was going on and whose command they were under. They stated they were being enslaved by a group of fire giants and were digging out the rod plus anything else they may find. The group told them if they instead dug up the road for them instead they would guarantee all of them a place to go live at Cragmaw Fort. Some of the goblins seemed interested, but most did not. Over to the side was a group of shovel merchants. Allora went over to them and bought 5 shovels off them to help out the goblins. The merchants were excited to make a sale and the goblins were excited to have actual tools. Fox began to concentrate to get a sense if giants were around. She could send a group heading right for them. Battle was about to begin…

The ground went and hid in some of the holes that the goblins ahd dug up and waited for teh giants to approach. They readied themselves so they could surprise them with a fury of attacks. Melfias was able to cast hypnotic pattern on one of them and make him see dancing lights. Gob launched some scorching rays at another. Fox took an oath of death against one and unloaded some arrows. Krangor began furiously slashing with his pole arm once one got in range. Allora shot some arrows at them with her Giant Slaying bow. Galthetes jumped out of the hole like a banshee from hell and began to swing his twin swords with rage and malicious intent. He was so intense it began to frighten one of the giants who ran away as fast as he could instead of fighting against the enraged half elf.  Once the group finished their surprise assault the real fight began. 

The first giant went and took his club and eviscerated poor Krangor in a single attack leaving him twitching in pain in his deep dark hole. Another threw a rock at Fox and crushed her like Muslim woman that cheated on her husband with a jew. The goblins that remained loyal to the giants began to also attack the group, but luckily they were poor fighters and were not able to do much. After that harsh counter attack by the giants the group needed to step up thier game cause this was not going to be an easy fight. Gob was able to shoot off a healing word to Krangor to get him back on his feet and cast slow to hinder the giants greatly. Melfias was able to get a healing word of his own off to bring back Fox so she could crawl from under her Muslim rock prison and get back in the fight. She needed to kill the giant she swore an oath to kill and began shooting arrows and sending panthery to attack. Krangor was able to get some slashes of holy energy in with his pole arm and cause some damage. Galthetes continued to spread fear into the mind of a single giant and slash off some chunks of its flesh. Allora continued to shoot off arrows at the giants. Eventually the group was able to bring down one giant which was of great help by the huge damage done to it by Krangor. Sadly, it came at a cost as the giant next to it set its eyes for Krangor as well and crushed him again. Another Giant was able to attack Melfias and ruined his concentration on his hypnotic pattern bringing another giant back into the mix. The dehypnotized giant began to chase down Galthetes for scaring his friend and slammed him with his stone club severing injuring him. Things were starting to look rough…. until a shining glimmer of hope arose on the horizon. In the back Gob had been concentrating on using his all of his magic might into a single super charged magic missile spell. With the force of a super sayian SSJ4 goku, Gob released the fury of 7 magic missiles into the face of the giant that was harming his friend Krangor and making the giant explode on impact. Galthetes knowing he also needed the help of some of that sweet magic missile love began focusing on dodging the attacks of teh giants as much as possible. With both giants on kragnor now dead he got up from his hole a second time and ran to attack the giants attack Galthetes. Fox and Allora also assisted with a barrage of piercing arrows. Melfias sat in the corner getting beat on by some goblins and trying to shoot of spells as best he could. the shovel merchants helped as best they could with the goblin menace. Harshnag also assaulted the a near by giant inflicting huge damage with his war axe. Soon another giant fell and it was down to a the group vs one lonely giant. While the Vorpal Bladez may have been weak they still had their secret weapon….. SSJ4 KAMAYAYAYA MAGIC MISSILE BARRAGE OF DEATH AND FEEL BAD SPELL FROM GOB!!!!!  He released another magical assault on the lonely giant and made him fall to his knees where Galthetes awaited with his twin blades of no mercy and he slashed off his head. Exhausted and tried the group went to sit down and take a much needed break…

NEXT TIME ON VORPAL BLADEZ ZZZZZ DID THE GROUP RECRUIT A RELIGIOUS FANATIC FOR A KING??!!? THAT MIGHT NOT BE GOOD! HOW ABOUT THAT MAGIC MISSILE SHIT WAS FUCKING CLUTCH!!! WHAT THE HELL DO THOSE RODS EVEN DO. THEY BETTER BE WORTH THE TROUBLE!! HOW ABOUT AN ILLUSIONARY ICE DRAGON THAT SHIT WAS THE TITS!!  WIL IT TAKE 4 YEARS FOR THE GROUP TO TAKE TO THE ORACLE?!?! FIND THIS OUT AND MORE NEXT TIME ON VBZ!!!!

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12/2/17 - 17th Session
Cosmos, giants, and money...

THIS WAS COSMOPOLITAN NIGHT AND I HAD WAY TO MANY. THIS WRITE UP WILL BE VERY SHORT CAUSE OF THIS FACT

The group started out waiting for their money in the hotel room. The guy showed up with a few police officers who waited in the lobby while he went up to the actual hotel room. There he gave Melfias the 20k that was left to pay, minus his 7k fee. Shockingly there were no issues and everyone left with their head and limbs in tact… and slightly richer. 

The group traveled back to Cragmaw Fort to give Frank the new found money so they could complete construction on the castle. They also put down some money to help complete their new road as well. They talked to Frank who said everything seemed to be going well except Morglop might need to be put into his place. The group talked to Morglop and told him to chickity check him self before he wrecks him self. He nodded in agreement. He wanted to throw a big party for the groups return home and also to unveil the new painting that the group had received from the cloud giant. After the dinner, the group placed the covered painting on their mantle and pulled down the curtain. Behind the curtain, appeared a self portrait of the cloud giant wizard laying naked on majestic furs fully sprawled out for all the world to see. The picture also by some force of magic was now locked in place. The group then rest for the night full of delicious Frank food and under the watchful eye of the naked cloud wizard.

The next day some of the group stayed back at the castle debating on the best ways to build a  trade route including the construction of a double wide road, businesses along the road, shoulders in case of break downs, and other fun aspects of civil engineering. Melfias, Krangor, and Galthetes went over to Stowed ton and talked to Clark to learn how the situation was over there. They gave Clark some money for the fine work he had been doing and told him that he was still in charge. They then went and gave him gold to start up a trade school that focuses on wood working, alchemy, smithing, and warfare. They went and found people around the town to help teach at this new school. Clark would oversee the project while the group continued on their adventures.

The group then went off to Goldenfield to deal with Melfias' family grow situation and to take care of the giants that were inhabiting the area. Upon getting to a giant hill in the middle of the fields they saw many giants at the top laying siege to a small regiment of people. The group snuck up to the top of the hill and began to take out the giants one by one. Fox used her keen hunters eye and Oathbow to deal devastating damage to the giants. Panthony, not to be outdone by his lovely master, brought his A game and his razor sharp claws to the mix. He began slashing and biting the giants and tearing out chunks of viscera from their jiggly fat laden bodies. The rest of the group also chipped in and a long hard fought battle raged on. In the distance they saw another giant coming straight for them and the group prepared to have to add another name to their list of giant kills. Instead, this mysterious frost giant began to attack the other hill giants and helped out the group. With his aid the group laid waste to the remaining giants and proved once again victorious. With that the group decided to begin their talks with their new found ally…. and Melfias threw up in a bucket. 

NEXT TIME ON VORPAL BLADE ZZZZZ WHO IS THIS MYSTERIOUS GIANT AND WILL HE BE FRIEND OR FOE?!!? WILL MELFIAS EVER LEARN ANY SELF CONTROL?!!? WILL FOX CONTINUE TO ROLL LIKE A BAD ASS WILL MELFIAS HELP OUT HIS FAMILY DRUG TRADE??!!? HOW ABOUT THAT NEW SCHOOL WILL IT ENRICH YOUNG MINDS?!? FIND OUT ALL THIS AND MORE NEXT TIME ON VBZ!!!!

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11/9/17 - 16th Session
Witches Curses, Melfias Family, and Brothers inheritance

The session opened up with the group trying to interrogate the newly captured witch. After some threats and bargaining the group got no where with the cackling fiend. She refused to talk and only stated how she was going to kill everyone. The group hog tied her bony ass up and brought her back to the centaur village so they could deal with her. Bojack was very excited to see the reason for their curse in shackles and gave the witch to two of his trusted guards. The centaurs then threw a large festival for the group in their honor. Melfias tried convincing Bojack to lead his people to a new home near the groups fort, but he still said he would not leave in ancestral lands if there was no reason to. With the group went to sleep for the night drunk on mead and full of cockatrice. 

In the middle of the night, the sound of screams began to fill the air. The group got up from their slumber and went to investigate.  In the middle of the village they found many injured or dead centaurs. Bojack ran up to them saying the witch escaped and has attacked the village. Off in the distance the group could hair the familiar cackling that has been haunting their dreams. The group made haste after the eerie sound and found the source to be inside a barn. 

Upon opening the door to the barn the group found the witch with a gaping wound in her neck lying in the middle of a symbol made in blood. A dark blight emanated from the symbol as if it was ready to desecrate the surrounding land. This was the witches parting gift for the group. Melfias was able to slow down the spread of the blight by dispelling some of its magic, but the ritual had already been completed and the blight was still there. The group went out to tell Bojack of the situation. The group believed the centaurs should leave this land while they still had time and they should burn down the town as the blight feeds off of life. If the group burned everything around the source of the blight, then the blight might not be able to feed its self and die out. Bojack agreed that they needed to move, but still relented about moving near Cragmaw castle. He said it would be up to the village elders. They would call a meeting to discuss their future plans. As for this night the group and the centaurs worked on evacuating the village for the night. 

The night morning after helping the centaurs flee the blight the group decided it was time to head to Watersdeep and try to get that sweet inheritance from those brothers the killed a few weeks back. Since this was also the home of Melfias he figured he might as well go see his parents for the first time in many years.

Upon arriving Melias and Allora devised a plan to go to the bank with the needed paperwork to try and claim the 50k of gold inheritance. Melfias would dress up like the family lawyer, Dr jew lawyer Jaruselestien and Allora would dress up as one of the brothers and wear their face as a mask. Upon arriving at the bank the teller said everything seems to be in order, but per the wills wishes there must be a notary present as well as the brothers remaining aunts and uncles, which only 1 of each still survived. Melfias tried to be sly and saying how the brother did not get along wiht his family and only wished to have the gold now and be done with this endevor, but it did not work and the teller demanded that this happen to get any gold. Melfias and Allora left the bank and Melfias called up an old friend of his who was a notary. During the meet up Melfias told him to just do this normal notary job for his friend and don't do anything out of the norm. Allora gave him 1000 gold that was fake and which hopefully the guy did not notice its legitimacy.  The next step were to get someone to play the aunt and the uncle. Galthetes jumped up at the opportunity to play the aunt, which was kinda weird, as not much excites Galthetes other then money. Krangor agreed to play the uncle.

The group had never seen Galthetes as excited as when he got to put on his new corset and fake boobs. Maybe this was a side of Galthetes that has just been waiting to burst out. The group with their fancy new disguises went back to the bank to begin the will reading. Galthetes and Krangor bickered with each other like an old married couple which made the whole scene very believable. They also fought with Allora to show the family dysfunction. The bank teller allowed the notary and the fake family into a private room so he could read the will. During the reading of the will it was obvious that the writer of it had great disdain for the aunt as she was not allowed to touch anything and especially not the china. Wonder what kind of crazy bitch we were impersonating. Galthetes seemed to take offense for the real aunt as he was not pleased he could not see the china. Once everything was read the notary started to get an inkling of what was going on and demanded a bigger cut once he saw the group was about to get 50k. After some negotiations the group agreed to give him 3k if he could get the money that night. 

The group went and rented a hotel near by as a meeting place to make the transfer. While the group waited Melfias decided to go and introduce his new friends to his family whom he had seen since he set out on this adventure many years ago. Upon arriving Melfias mother, Melfia, was very excited to see him. Melfias was obviously a mamas boy as they got along quite well and shared many of the same flamboyant mannerisms. After some small talk and catching up Melfias decided to go and talk with his Dad, whom he did not get along with. He Dad was gruff, ruthless, and business like at all times. He welcomes Melfias and then made comments about his friends and his life style. Melfias tried to convince his dad that he did not have to keep selling fairy dust to people to survive and could go into other drug trades like milk weed and pixie powder. Melfias dad, Vistar, scoffed at these remarks and said they know the fair dust trade and unless Melfias can offer something better this would be the trade they were in. Melfias agreed to help his family get their business back together by getting them some new connects, but demanded to be part owner of the business and for the drugs that they traded to be on the softer side. Vistar agreed and Melfias and the group set out back to the hotel to deal with the inheritance. 

Back at the hotel the notary arrived, but seemed very worried. He began talking with the group and gave them 30k. The group could tell something was wrong. The notary said he didn't have enough time to get it all and nothing was wrong. The group threatened his life and his families life. The notary would not relent and said he could get the rst of the money the next day. The group elt him go and said if he did not return or pulled anything funny they would kill him. They also sent Allora behind him. When the notary left the hotel he began communicating with someone using a scrying stone and said that the group had taken the money but it was starting to get scary for him. He then disappeared into the crowd. 

The next day the group left Hooty and Pantherny as scouts around the building to watch for anything suspicious. Eventually they saw police guards start walking to the hotel with the notary in tow. Stuff was about to get serious. The group had planned on an escape path in case things got hair, cause it looks like shit could be going down soon…

NEXT TIME ON VORPAL BLADEZ ZZZZZZ!!!!! DID THE NOTARY FUCK THE GROUP OVER… YA PROB! WILL THE CENTAURS HURRY THE HELL UP AND MAKE UP THEIR MIND ABOUT MOVING!!!11 WHO NEEDS A WEEK TO CALL A MEETING WHILE THEIR VILLAGE IS ENGULFED BY BLIGHT!? MELFIAS MAY BE A MAMAS BOY BUT HE JUST AS MUCH OF AN ASSHOLE AS HIS DAD LETS NOT KID OURSELVES. OYA GOB ROLLED A 20 HISTORY CHECK IN A LIBRARY SEARCHING FOR GIANT INFO SO NOW WE BASICALLY KNOW EVERYTHING EVER ABOUT GIANTS WOOOOOO!!!1

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10/19/17 - 15th Session
Cantuars, Fear, and Witches

The session started with Melfias getting a call from his new centaur friends about some assistance they needed at their village. Melfias told them he would be there after they rested and to light a fire to they had a smoke signal to follow. After the rest the group woke up it was night time and they set off for the smoke signal. They used a lantern and OathbringER as their sources of light. Along the path they found a dead body with some gold on him. Soon they could no longer see the smoke signal. MelfIas called up the centaurs angrily asking them to make some sort of light in the sky of which the group could follow. The centaurs said they had already done all they could. Gob sent out his owl to find the village, which he did. The group then continued to the village.

Upon arriving to the village they were greeted by Bojack Horseman the centaur. He said his friend Todd had been murdered some how and his body was in the near by stables. They had no idea how he was killed, but a tracker from the centaur group was able to find a trailer and went off in the middle of the night to hunt down the perpetrators. 

The group went to the stables to investigate the dead body. The body was found to be very cold to the touch, but there was no marks of a struggle or any blood. There was no evidence of a break in. Upon investigating further that found that his gouch has more cold to the touch then the rest of his dead body. Gob stated they his eyes looked empty like there was no longer a soul inside him. After the group completed its investigation they went and talked to Bojack. He said he had no idea how his soul would have been taken. He then offered to sit with him and some other centaurs in their mud hut and part take in one of their rituals. The group agreed. On the way to the mud hut the group noticed made cut open gourds with shapes in them and flames flickering inside. They said they were monuments to the spirits. The group went into the hut.

Inside the hut, Bojack took some herbs and lit them on fire and the steam filled up the whole room. The group began to go on a spirit journey. Bojack said the object of this ritual was to learn what your greatest fear was and to face it. One by one around the room different people began to share their fears and tried to face them.

Gob stated growing up he wanted to be a theater star. As a child he was in many plays and commercial stage plays and was a very good actor. The producer of his shows though was Harvey Weinstein and he was known to touch the talent. One day Harvey invited Gob over for some punch in his hotel room. There Harvey raped a young Gob. Gob still is still terrified of Harvey. He is also scared of rape… cause who isnt.

Melfias was next and he told the story of how when he went to band camp he had to do a recital. The issue for Melfias is while he may be a bard he is a very shitty musician. His parents spent 1000s upon 1000s of gold on training Melfias in the fine arts of music and still Melfias just never had the talent for it. During the recital with his rival Matt, Matt absolutely killed the show. Melfias was to nervous and not good enough and failed. His show went awful and he was embarrassed. He has always been afraid to play again in front of a group of people. 

Fox told her crazy story about how what she fears is squirrels. She says she believes they are plotting to take over the realm and no one believes her. She also thinks they know that she knows cause it is the one animal that refuses to communicate with her. She would like to eradicate all squirrels if possible. 

Alloras fear started when she found a nice white puppy. She took it home as a child and cared for it. One day she let puppy out to walk around the house. She heard growls coming from outside and ran out of the house to find her puppy had been mangled to death by a group of fisher cats. She swore vengeance on these fisher cats for their evil killing ways. She was also afraid to ever have a pet again for fear that her lack of watching over it caused its death. 

Galthetes was next and talked about his whore of a mom. She used to bang dudes by the 10 fold and many of the nice men would come in bring him a toy as a child to distract him while his mom got railed. There was one especially nice guy that always brought galthetes the nicest toys and always treated him kindly before he got his knob slobbed. One day galthetes found out that the nice man was killed by a local gang member that also visited his mom for gratuitous monkey sex. Galthetes heard about this and swore the next time he came by the place he would kill him. When he arrived Galthetes as a small 10 year old boy jumped on top of him and began stabbing him with a knife he had on it and wouldnt stop. He stabbed him over 40 times until all that was left was a bloody pulp. Galthetes mom knew this was a connected man and fear for her life. She then kicked Galthetes out of her house and Galthetes had to learn to live on his own at a young age. Galthetes was then afraid of the reaches he could go that harmed his love ones. He was afraid of himself.

Krangor talked about the fear of always being alone. He grew up as an orphan of the city streets and had few friends and no family. The friends he did have eventually betrayed him and he felt even more alone. He is afraid to go back to a time like that and that is why he enjoyed traveling wiTH the group so much. He had gained many more friends that he trusted.

The centaurs also talked about some of their fears like the death of their family, a color blind child making jams out of poison berries, and one girl who was afraid of silence.

After learned their fears the group then went on a mental quest to overcome these and fears and it helped relax the group. Some after the group was woken up by a bright light hitting their eyes. It was morning.

The group went and waited for the tracker to return to the camp. When he did he came back scared and said there were some witches that he believed cause the issue. The tracker brought the group to a bog and he said the witches were located inside there. 

The group began to sneak up in the bog and saw a cave. They used their owl to scout out the cave and they could hear the witches talking from the inside. The group began to stealthily approach the cave when they could hear the witches go silent and began to run deeper in the cave. The group gave chase into the cave and as soon as they were in the main area of the cave rocks collapsed at both of the exit tunnels. Melfias used shatter to blow away the rocks from one tunnel. The witches then yelled into the cave saying for the group to drop their weapons. Melfias cunningly lied and said that they have dropped the their weapons when really they had not. The witches believed him and came into the cave. As soon as they walked in the group charged them and got some hits on them. The witches then began to teleport in and out and dimensions. The group was unable to hit them when they were in their other dimension so they had to think of a strategy. 

Fox said that everyone should get near a wall so that for the witches to attack us they had to teleport back into the middle of the room then everyone could fire their weapons at them. This mostly worked except there was one entrance way that had a small hole that a witch on the outside was firing spells at the group from. She was able to fear Gob who had frightening visions of Harvey Weinstein trying to touch him. Melfias saw his friend panicking in terror and dispelled the magic away to save him from that rapey Harvey. 

The witches continued their assault on the group by going in and out of our reality and casting many spells of fear, sleeps, and sicknesses. Eventually once Gob was back in the fight he was able to hurl some fireballs at the witches that really hurt. Melfias shot some magic missiles, and the rest of the group bashed them i the face with their weapons or shot arrows. Allora took this time to go and sneak into the witches bedroom and try to steal from them. She cracked open the lock of one of their footlockers, but didnt notice the toxic gas trap. She took some damage and the witches came and attacked her. She was hurt with a sickness. The group ran tot he room to try and help her. Krangor and Galthetes were able to get some hits on the witches to soften them up… But it would be Allora that would get her sweet sweet revenge for the maladies the witches caused her. 

With the eye of an assassin looking for blood, Allora ran up to the cackling bitches and jammed her venom fang deep in the belly of the withered crone. With one swift pull of back of the dagger she was able to yank out one of the kidneys of the witch bitch and caused her great pain and suffering… but she was not done. She then took her other dagger and jammed that inside of the writing fiend and pulled out her OTHER FUCKING KIDNEY. The witch was well on her way sepsis with out any kidneys to clean out her blood. With both witches weakened and barely holding on for dear life Galthetes ran by both of them and gave them both one final slash to end their despicable lives. Everything was going great except for the part where Melfias was over near the death hole getting fear and fucked up by the 3rd witch that was outside the cave.

Melfias was half dead lying on the ground seeing visions of him failing during musical performances. Krangor being the true bro that he is ran up to Melfias and laId his hands upon him and brought him back from the cusp of death. Fox, Allora, and Galthetes prepared them salves at the cave entrance once Gob molded the earth that was in their way into a nice clear entrance. One that was done the group exploded outside ready to tear the final witch apart. Melfias wanting some sweet revenge of his own was able to get outside before the group could sink their blades into the rotting flesh of the witch. He cast hypnotic pattern and the witches was now stuck in a trance surrounded by a group of 7 angry assholes ready to tear her limb from limb. They came up with a better idea of tying her up and taking away he casting instruments. They would instead have a good old fashion interrogation that I am sure will end with a nice decapitation….

 

NEXT TIME ON VORPAL BLADES ZZZZZ!!!!! WILL THE WITCH TELL THE GROUP ANYTHING IMPORTANT?! WILL THE CENTAURS HELP OU THE GROUP A BUNCH SINCE THEY JUST HANDLED THEIR CRAZY WITCH PROBLEM?! DID BOJACK AND TODD HAVE A THING…? LIKE YOU KNOW A THING? LIKE GAY HORSE SEX TYPE THING? PROB ON THE DL….. I HOPE HARVEY WEINSTEIN IS A REAL CHARACTER THAT WE MEET AND GOB IS FORCED TO DO SOMETHING WITH HIM THAT MAKE HIM SUPER UNCOMFORTABLE.  FIND OUT THE ANSWER TO ALL THESE QUESTIONS AND MORE NEXT TIME ON VBZ!!!!

 

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9/28/17 - 14th session
Crazy Giant Wizards and a bad ass tree

I was really busy this week with work and my cousins wedding so I am writing this like 2 weeks later. I forgot a bunch of details. This will be a very loose overview.

We opened the game with Fox being contacted through her mind by some unknown entity. He told us he is a giant wizard in a floating and castle and told us where to meet him. We went there and took a magical journey in his floating castle. He talked about how there is no current king of the giants and and there chaos within the ranks. He also said how he knew Foxs grandfather and told he the location of what he left for her. His belonging were left at the Grandfather Tree. After the group got done talking to the wizard they asked for a ride to the Grandfather Tree. It was a 3 day journey and during one of those days the wizard went slightly insane and mumbled to him self. The group was slightly scared but couldn't really escape as they were stuck in the air with him. Eventually the next day the group was dropped off at the tree.

At the tree the group was ambushed by a bunch of local tribes men. Gob got to use his stinking cloud to smoke out some of the casters and Melfias got to dispell a spirit wall that one of the casters had put up. The group went through and slaughtered the tribal assholes. They then went to the grandfather tree where they found many sick centaurs. The centaurs ran from the group, but Melfias thought it might be worth while to try and help them out. As he approached the tree some dryads appeared from the tree and demanded we leave. We asked if it was possible to help the sick centaurs. After some convincing the dryads agreed to help the centaurs if Melfias and the group protected the tree while they did the work. 

The dryad performed a ritual that sucked the poison out of the centaurs and turned it into a black rock that got shot at melfias face. Melfias kept the rock. The centaurs were very pleased to have been rescued and gave Melfias a rock that would call upon them if he was ever in trouble. Melfias offered a new home to the Centaurs because their current one was being attacked by a sickness. They did not agree to move right away, but agreed to at least to listen to Melfias proposal. Melfias was given another stone that allowed him to communicate with the centaurs.

Fox went and dug up where it was marked her grandfathers treasure was. Inside she found a brand new fancy collar of defense for her pet panther, Panthery! They were all very excited. The group was exhaused at this time and went to bed.

 

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9/16/17 - Thirteenth Session
Side questing and too many espresso martinis

WARNING THIS NIGHT WE MADE ESPRESSO MARTINIS. I HAD ABOUT 7-8 OF THEM. THERE WILL BE MANY MISSING OR CLOUDY DETAILS

The group started up by interrogating the last ogre that was left over from the battle. He didnt have many details to offer the group, but Galthetes though it might be fun to ride him into battle. The ogre agreed to allow him self to be chained up to the cart and help pull everyone around, and when Galthetes wanted to, he could use him as a battle mount. 

The group then continued on their way along the path and came across a wandering merchant who was traveling with some mercenaries. Gob sense that a wand of his was magical and created magical items. The group wanted it and debated if they should kill him for it or do an actual trade for it. After a bunch of back and forth the group decided to do a trade and gave him a dragon head, heart, and 200 gold in return for the wand. The merchant happy with the trade traveled off. The group excited to see how this new wand worked tried it out. It instantly created a new magical wand and the old wand died. The group tried it again and the same thing happened. The group had gotten a wand of magic wand creation. the group was PISSEDDDDDDD. They decided to turn their cart around and go hunt down this merchant. 

The tracked him all the way into the near by woods, until they found a place where the trails split into three. The group sense where some humanoids were and decided to go that way. They found a lone monastery out in the woods. The people living in there claimed to be of the enclave. Fox got really excited about this and they had a long ass pow wow and talked for a while. About what I have no idea but i am sure it was important and Fox can give you all the details. 

The group, now really pissed off, decided to just head back along to their original destination. There they found the harper contact that Gob was supposed to meet. The contact showed Gob his network of teleportation devices that would allow easier travel for the group around the map. This was actually pretty awesome and would become very helpful.

Next the group headed up to where Fox was supposed to get her bow. We couldnt find the guy with the bow, but found out he traveled to another city that our new teleportation system could get us to instantly. We got to that city and Fox using her bad ass investigation skills found the house of the guy she was after. Inside she found her nice new bow and 1000 gold.

After that the group returned to Cragmaw castle and gave Frank the 10,000 gold in black mail money the group had stolen from the trust fund brothers. That will bring them much closer to their goal of rebuilding the castle. The group then went back to triboar and then continued north.

The group went to the place where Alloras assassin was supposed to be. Out of no where she started to get hurt badly by wind. The group could not see the invisible enemy. Krangor started swinging wildly and was able to hit the cloaked assassin. He ran away and the group healed up their wounds. Melfias was dumb and forgot to use fairie fire to make invisible enemies into focus.

The group packed up their shit and ran away as well. They went up to help Krangor with his friends quest. There they found the wanted dwarf. Krangor used zone of truth on him and interrogated him to confirm he was in fact the dwarf from the wanted posted. He used hold person on the dwarf and tied him up. The group then dragged him to the local authorities. The group was given 5,000 gold as an award!

Somewhere along the way Gus got a new flying cat as a pet. Also, we tried to communicate with the flying castle by saying that we had Fox here with us. They sent us back a message that was written in gibberish. We learned a ton about the history of giants and the pecking order and how they dictate who has power.

It was at this time that your unscrupulous author began to feel the affects of the martinis and went and threw up. He did make it to a toilet and did throw up on purpose, and it was a good thing he did as it helped him greatly the next morning. Fox was also passed out by this time. Melfias went and snuggled up next to Fox and both went to sleep prematurely ending the session. This was the best and worst session we have ever had. There are many details I am missing from this recap. Also, we got to see Allora dance on you tube that was great. And we debated if 4 people are having sex is it a 4some or an orgy. The world may never know.

NEXT TIME ON VORPAL BLADE ZZZ!!! HOPEFULLY IT WAS BE MORE COHERENT THEN THIS!!!!

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Twelfth Session - 9/4/17
Letters, Questing, and Choosing a Path

This session opened up in the aftermath of our last great battle against the hill giants. We had managed to protect the town and we discovered what the giants were going after. On one of the giants we found a rod of finding that led us to a 11 ft adamantine rod. We had no idea what the purpose of it was, but we figured it must be important if many giants were willing to sacrifice their lives for it. We discussed excavating it and storing it in the town with the town leader. They agreed to help.

The town leader then told us all she was a part of the group known as The Harpers and she needed our help. They were a group of people that worked in the shadows for the betterment of the citizens of the country. She needed us to bring a badge to a half orc located in a distant city. We agreed to help.

The rest of the group that still had a living friend that they fought the battle with, were each given a request. Melfias was to go and bring leather products to a nearby town. Gob was to bring the badge for the Harpers. Fox was to go and find a weapon master about a nice bow of giant slaying. Krangor was to go and collect on a very large bounty. 

While in town the group also got mail from their friend, Clark from Stowedton. Krangors letter was about Neverwinter requesting troops and workers to help along the sword coast. He agreed to send the skilled workers working on Fort Cragmaw to the Sword Coast. Fox discovered that her grandfather had passed away, but left a great treasure for her somewhere. Gus got an SOS message from an old teacher of his from a near by town. Galthetes got a letter. Not much else is known. Allora got death threats from the thieves guild. Melfias got a letter from his parents which he fully ignored. 

After the group rested up and helped out the town for a bit. They needed to decide where to head next. On one path to the north they could help out Krangor and Allora in their quests. If they decided to go to the East they could help out Melfias, Gob, and Fox with their quests. It was decided for the good of the group to head to the East and help out Gobs friend with the SOS message first.  

The group arrived at the town listed on the letter and were stopped by some guards. They demanded to look through our stuff for any contraband. After some disagreements on whether we should allow this or not the group relented and let them look. They found nothing and we were allowed inside. We went to the chapel and found George an old teacher of Gob's. He began telling Gob about how he got caught up with a local group called The Krakens, and they had his family hostage. He owed them some sort of debt and to get out of the debt he had to smuggle in three creates into the town. The group asked about the crates, but got no extra information. The group decided to help out anyway. 

Back outside the group found the three creates near a river. After some discussion they decided that the best coarse of action was to hide the creates in Alloras bag of holding, then kill a deer and stuff the bag inside the deer. Fox went out and hunted for the nearest deer and the plan was in affect. The group stuffed the bag real deep inside that deer and went back to the guards.

The guards seemed much more interested in searching the group then last time. The did very invasive searching and somehow found a bag of fairy dust in the back of the cart. Everyone looked at Melfias thinking it was his, but he promised he did not place it there. The guards demanded 200 gold to overlook the indiscretion. After trying to negotiate with the guards the group forced Gob to pay up the 200 gold cause this was for his friend. He agreed. 

Inside the group met up with George, who brought everyone to a sketchy looking house. Galthetes and Gob took out one of the crates and went down into the basement with George. At the bottom landing was a locked door with a peep slide that opened. George said some weird words and the door was opened. Inside they found a man with a hooded robe on. He said he was the darkness and all kinds of other weird emo shit. He demanded to have the other two creates brought to him. Melfias and Krangor brought them down. He then said that George's debt was paid. Gob began to talk to The Kraken member about potentially hiring him for an assassination attempt and he gave us his calling card for the future. The group left with George and headed back to the church.

George seemed like he was happy to have this task done and relieved for his family. With nothing else going for him the group invited him to stay with them at Fort Cragmaw among the goblins. George would agreed if he could bring his family and if we hired some mercenaries to watch him during his travels. Gob ponied up about 200 gold for this. The group then got 1200 gp from George for for filling the task, 200 of which he stole from the church collection plate. The group didn't care where the money came from and then left the town.

The next town the group went to was a hunting village near a forest. Melfias ran right into town and found the person he was supposed to deliver the saddles to. He got his money and got to keep the cart he was given to deliver the merchandise. While Fox went around to the locals to see if they knew anything about her grandfather. One guy mentioned that he had heard his name before and they he had been seen talking with a wizard in a floating castle. Fox began trying to investigate whatever she could about this castle. She found someone from her group, The Emerald Enclave, and he said he had seen the castle land a couple times in some near by areas. 

While staying at the inn the group met 3 brothers who were going out to hunt for hill giants. That is a pretty extreme thing to hunt, but the group wished them good fortune and they went on their way. After spending the day in the town the group decided to rest up for the night. There was a curfew in the town and if you are out past it, some bullshit hunter ghost attacked you, but the group didn't have time for this crap so they just went and got a good nights sleep.

The next morning while trying to leave, they noticed that two of the brothers returned to town and they looked like they were in rough shape. Melfias went to talk with them to see if they were ok. He asked them where the third brother had gone and they said a hill giant had killed him and also had attacked them. He then showed his wound which he claimed came from a giant club. Fox sent Panterny MD over to lick the wound and make it all better. He noticed something was fishy and brought it to Fox attention. The group noticed the wound was much to small to be from a club, but looked like a hit from a thin sword like a rapier that the brothers were using. Melfias demanded to know the truth of what happened and the brothers spilled their guts. They had made a brotherly pact to go out into the woods and hunt hill giants and whoever killed one first would get all of their families inheritance. The missing brother had killed one, but the other two brothers didn't want to give him their inheritance, so they killed him.

This disgusted Melfias and the rest of the group. Melfias demanded some details on the inheritance involved and wanted some hush money. They agreed to pay up 10000 gold to the group to keep them quiet. The group agreed and they followed the brothers back to their room where the gold was hidden. Once inside Allora took over and sliced both of their throats and searched the room. They were able to find some documents on the inheritance. She also took their faces as she might be able to make it into a disguise. They then cleaned up the room and put the bodies into the bag of holding. They then went to the near by inn and slept till the following day.

The next day the group continued on their path to the next town in need of their services.  Along the way they found a hill giant walking the road picking up random debris. The group planned a trap that was sure to work! Allora unloaded the two dead brothers bodies in the middle of the road and Melfias used prestidigitation to make the smell of the bodies entice the hill giant. Then, Allora and Fox held a rope to try and trip the giant while Krangor and Galthetes hid behind them ready to pounce on the coming hill giant. Gob and Melfias hung out in the back ready to sling some spells. 

As soon as the group tried to spring the trap the giant saw Krangor and ran right for him. Krangor and Galthetes ran behind the rope and the giant followed tripping of the rope. Allora ran up a near by tree that appeared out of no where and jumped down with all of her might slamming her venomfangs into the back of the giant. Krangor started letting off smites and Galthetes slashed his way through the hill giants face. A few feet away a group of 3 orges and 4 bug bears appeared as they apparently had been following the hill giant as well. Melfias ran up and cast shatter right in the middle of the group hurting all of them. Gob released some grease to trip them up. The rest of the group ended the hill giants life. Fox and Panthony ran into battle and began to claw and shoot at the ogres. Melfias let off another shatter and Gob released a devastating barrage of scorching rays. Soon all that was left to stand in their way was one lonely ogre who was hurt, prone, and covered in grease. Melfias asked him if he wanted to die or live and to start telling him everything. The ogre screamed at the sight of the intimidating bard and began to spill all of his secrets. 

NEXT TIME ON VORPAL BLADEZ Z WHAT WILL THE OGRE SAY?! WHY WAS HE WITH THE HILL GIANT?! HAVE YOU EVER DREAMED OF CASTLES IN THE SKY?! DOES ALLORA REALLY KNOW HOW TO WEAR SOMEONES FACE? HOW IS FRANK DOING?? I FEEL LIKE WE HAVENT HEARD FROM HIM IN A WHILE. THE GM ADDED SOME REALLY NICE TOUCHES THIS WEEK WITH LETTERS PRINTED OUT FOR US AND REAL TRINKETS. MAJOR KUDOS. ALSO THE NEW MAP IS BAD ASS! WILL WE FIND OUT MORE ABOUT THAT GIANT GIANT'S DILDO WE FOUND BURRIED AT TRIBOAR?! FIND OUT THIS AND MORE ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF VORPAL BLADES Z!!!

 

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Eleventh Session - 8/10/17
Giants, Orcs, and Flaming things OH MY!

This session began with the group meeting their new best friends that would accompany them around town. The peace around the town did not last long as soon after getting our new found friends, it started to rain boulders from the sky. Hill Giants were seen in the distance throwing stones at people and homes. Also, there were orcs riding axebeaks running around town slicing up civilians. It was time for The Vorpal  Blades and their new found friends to to deal with this unsightly menace. Melfias played his war drums to increase morale of the town villagers and the fight began.

The battle started with two hill giants far from the group throwing rocks and little balls of flaming rock appearing around the town. Allora ran up a near by house to deal with one of the flamers, while Krangor ran over to deal with the other flamer on the other side of the town. Galthetes and his partner ran to the front lines and splashed oil in the streets to hopefully trip up the giants as they came closer. Fox, her partner, Melfias partner, Gob, Gobs partner, and Panthery all ran to the near by fort to get better line of sight and to shoot ranged attacks at the coming foes.

Allora was able to get a good hit on the flamer and Melfias partner was able to finish him off with an arrow. Krangor was able to also destroy the flamer that he was trying to ram with his long stick. Fox and her partner began shooting arrows at the hill giants that were tossing boulders. One giant tossed a boulder for Galthetes, but missed and crushed another poor civilian. Galthetes used the rock as cover and shot things with his longbow. Many orcs riding Axebeaks appeared around the town and starting slaughtering the fleeing town folk. 

Allora, taking none of their shit, jumped from the top of the house she was on, did a triple lundy in the air and landed, shanks first, into an orc riding an axebeak. She was able to knock the orc off the mount and take control of the mount herself and briefly tame it. She also did heavy damage to the orc. Her and the mount then proceeded to slice up the injured orc. The mount got pissed at Allora and bucked her off and ran off because it was also badly injured, but not before the orc died. Allora then went and positioned her self on top of the house laying wait for his next prey. She had her partner hide in an alley as he was a weak sorcerer that could die very easily. Her partner finally wanted to try his best and cause some havoc so he ran out into the open and shot a witch bolt at a near by hill giant. Sadly, it was not enough to kill the hill giant and the giant crushed the poor frail wizard like an ant under a shoe. The sorcerer died but his actions would not be in vain.

Fox and her partner stayed in the confines of the roof of the small fort, plucking arrows and shooting giants and orcs in the face from safety. She sent out Panthery to attack some of the mounted orcs from the ground and they were able to land many coordinated attacks mixing claw and arrow in perfect harmony to cause massive damage helping the group.

Gob began the fight by blessing Allora, Galthetes, Krangor, and Galthetes partner. He then had his partner jump onto her near by war horse and she went off and attacked the orcs around the town kicking them in the face with the horses hooves and ending lives with her great sword. Gob used Hooty as his spell vessel and shocking grasped a couple giants. He then moved up and used scorching ray to great affect on a group of orcs killing one in the process with scorching licks of flame that melted away their leathery skin. 

Krangor went in balls deep to the front lines and attacked the rushing in orcs. He was able to dodge many attacks but did take many blows, but remained standing as a true tank does using every ounce of his life force. He slashed many orcs with both ends of his polearm, while laying down a few divine smites. He partner snuck in the shadows behind him and was able to sneak attack a few orcs as well. He took some great damage though and had to run back to hide from certain death. 

Galthetes stayed hidden behind his boulder shooting arrows from his long bow doing his best impression of Fox that he could. His partner, who has a giant rage boner for orcs and giants, ran right into battle with the orcs and began crushing heads. He caused much damage and fought valiantly against the things he hated most, but eventually he succumbed to the onslaught and dropped. His actions will not be forgotten as he did much to help save the town.  Galthetes eventually mustered up the courage and ran into the front of battle and went toe to toe with a fire giant. He drew his two shining cutlasses and unleashed a flurry of attacks to one of the fire giants. He made the giant trip and just continued to pummel him while he was on the ground. Galthetes was back in his natural habitat and all felt right in the world again for him. That was until he just took much of a beating from the orcs and giants and dropped. He did well to cling on to life though until Melfias was able to get near by and give him a heal to get him back on his feet.

Melfias got in the middle of the group and did his best to control the enemies and heal the group. He used his mean cutting words to make some enemies miss their mark and not attack his allies. Melfias told his partner to go up to the tower with the rest of the archers and to shoot arrows to support the group.  Reluctantly his partner agreed. The partners first shot actually was able to kill a flamer and his partner was filled with pride. In fact he would not shut up about it for the next 10 mins. He continued proclaiming how great he was, instead of helping the group, because of one easy kill against a floating fire rock. Melfias really did not like that guy, but a kill is a kill. Melfias got back to work trying to keep the enemy at bay. Another fire giant had shown up that was very close to the front lines and he knew they could cause great damage to his friends. Melfias created a phantasmal force of water snakes that covered the fire giants skin. The fire giants spent the majority of the fight thinking it was being eaten by water snakes and concentrated on pulling them off herself instead of attacking the group. Melfias also was able to release some heals to help keep his friends alive. Melfias then used his power of command to control the mind of two Hill Giants to belly flop on to two unsuspecting orcs, crushing one, and making the giants fall prone in the middle of the streets.

Slowly but surely, the tide of battle began to turn. The Vorpal Blades were doing their jobs and doing them well. Gob went to where the hill giants were laying after doing their belly flop and noticed it happens to be in the oil that Galthetes had splashed on the streets. He then made some grease to connect the oil patch to where the other giant was also laying down. Allora then dropped a flask of alchemy fire into the oil and set ablaze the two prone giants burning their sagging fatty flesh.

Out of no where 8 new flamers appeared and surrounded the front lines of the group and Allora. The group killed one of them and found out these flamers exploded upon death hurting all those around them. Gob released magic missiles at the two that were near Alloras position, killing them quickly before they could do any real damage. There were still 4 left surround Galthetes and Krangor and they couldn't attack them without killing them selves. 

Melfias knew what actions he had to take to help the group survive. He yelled for his friends to disengage from the flamers and he moved close enough to get off a spell that will change the tide of the battle. Without a second though he released a shatter spell which instantly killed the 4 flamers, but 3 of the explosions hit Melfias. He was able to dodge some of the damage, but it still took a great toll on his life. Also, he lost concentration on his spell of phantasmal snakes and the other fire giant was now back in the fight. 

The two remaining hill giants then surrounded Melfias getting ready to beat his brains in. Melfias then used command on the two hill giants and the one flame giant causing them to do a giant pig pile on each other. This allowed Melfias to escape and set up the rest of the group to attack prone enemies. Pantherny, Allora, Krangor, Galthetes, and some of the new partners moved in on the hill giants, with arrow support from Fox and her merry group of archers in the tower. They were able to quickly take down one of the giants, while Gob finished off the other one with another set of scorching rays that proceeded to burn the last hill giant down to the bone, causing him to die while his horrific screams pierced the ears of everyone in the town.

The group getting tired and desperate then went to kill their only remaining foe, the now sane female fire giant. The fire giant was pissed at the group and went to crush the leader of the town. He was able to crush the town leaders body with her burning club and the town leader dropped. The group mourned her loss, but in return brought sweet destruction upon the fire giant. Melfias using his shiny new wand of magic missile killed two more flamers and attacked the flaming giant.  Krangor, who was barely holding on by a thread, mustered up all the energy he could and plunged his polearm into as hard as he could, into the fire giants stomach. The Hlaberd tore through her flesh and her muscles, rupturing her small intestines, and coming out through her spinal column. It was enough to bring down the hulking fat flaming bitch who dropped like a dysfunctional new years eve ball. 

With the fight over and with not much time to spare the group used their scroll of revivify on the fallen town leader as someone had to take control of the situation now that the current giant menace was slain. The group exhausted, driven to the brink of life, but alive, decided it was time for a rest. They could deal with the ramifications of what happened during this fight after some punch and pie… and sleep.

NEXT TIME ON VORPAL BLADE Z!!!! GIANTS REALLY SUCK WOW! AND THAT WASN'T EVEN THE QUEEN OF THE GIANTS! THESE WERE JUST SOME NORMAL, ALL THOUGH FLAMING, SHITTY GIANTS. SHIT IS GETTING REAL. GALTHETES DROPPED AND WE LOST 3 ALLIES, BUT BROUGHT ONE BACK TO LIFETHATS NOT TO TERRIBLECOULD BE WORSE! WILL MELFIAS AND HIS DUDE KIss AND MAKE UP? MAYBE ITS TIME TO PULL OUT THE ANAL BEADS AS A TOKEN OF SORRINESS? WHAT MYSTICAL CRAZY QUESTS WILL THE SURVIVING NEW ALLIES GIVE US?! BETTER BE GOOD WE ALMOST JUST DIED FOR THEIR DAMN TOWN! FIND OUT ALL THIS AND MORE ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF VORPAL BLADE Z!!!

 

 

 

 

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8/5/17 - Tenth Session
Debate, Silly Incestuous Cottontails, and GIANTS!!!

Warning I was drunk for this session so details might be… skewed…

This session began with Fox returning from her private quest of god knows what, with her warning the group of a band of giants pillaging along the country side and attacking a village. She stated that she believes the giants were headed for Stowedton and they were also killing all the trees and animals in their path. She demanded the group go right away to solve this issue, but the group had other plans. 

The rest of the group had been working diligently on making Krangor the mayor of Stowedton and they had their own problems to deal with. After claiming the goblins were people too, a family was attacked by a group of them on the road and it upset the town folk of Stowedton. The group went to investigate the attack sight and found some interesting clues. They found what looked like new bloody armor that could fit a goblin which is a very rare thing. They also found many human tracks along with goblin tracks at the site. The group decided that they should go and question the local leather smith to see what he knew.

While Melfias, Allora, and Fox went to question the leather smith, Gob was working on a secret quest from the town wizard that no one else knows about. Galthetes spent his time turning the dragon claws from Venom fang into Venom Shanks for Allora, and Krangor continued his pursuit of becoming mayor by helping out the Poor and kissing babies.

Melfias, Allora, and Fox went to visit the leather smith to get some answers. They begun questioning him on the new leather armor and everyone could sense he was holding something back. Melfias began to threaten his life for information and the leather smith start to spill like a New Orleans levee. He said that he was contracted to make the armor by the Cottontail brothers and told us where their house was. Melfias, Allora, and Fox went to go and visit these newly discovered brothers.

In the dead of night, Melfias hid outside away from where the action was, while Fox and Allora used their skills of skulduggery to break into the house. They found no one inside when they entered and began searching for information. In a desk they found a letter in a language that they could not read, but kept it as it seemed suspicious. They also found a locked safe behind a painting. They went searching for the key and found it hidden near the bed. Inside the safe they found a ledger also written in the same language as that mysterious letter and a picture of the two brothers naked, giving each other reach-arounds. The brothers were obviously very close. The group took all of the info and decided to confront the brothers when they got home. 

The next day both brothers got home and the group began their interrogation. The brothers were not giving away any answers so Melfias and Fox took it to the next level. Melfias cast hold person on one of the brothers and Fox had her panther go and place its claws next to his junk. Melfias threatened to have the panther castrate the brother unless he started to spill his info. The brother afraid to lose both his lover and brother began to speak. 

Krangor was able to translate the found letters as they were written in Draconic, which Krangor specialized in. He discovered that the Cottontail Brothers were working with the Seinfeld group of the Lords Alliance. Something foul was afoot and the group knew somehow Fatman was connected.

After this was finished it was time for the big debate. While Krangor and Gob prepared for the debate Melfias went around town to recruit people for the audience that would be on Krangors side. With that the debate began between Fatman and Kragnor!

There were many tough questions asked like what to do about the goblins, how will the town become more secure, who will benefit from the new mine, who would be better for the town between a life long resident or a new person that just showed up, and if the incoming threat of giants was real. The crowd seemed to go back and forth in their opinion on who to vote for, but in the end it seemed like slightly more people backed Fatman… for now…

To help out Krangor, the rest of the group went around and talked to local citizens showing them that they could be educated in new trades like blacksmithing and it could greatly benefit the town. It helped sway a bit of the vote. 

With 2 days before the election and the debate concluded the group went to the local newspaper and gave them the ledger, the mysterious letter, and the letter that Allora had made showing Fatman as the reason for the last mayor to leave. These letters greatly benefited Krangor as he was voted in as the new mayor of Stowedton!

The celebration was short lived as the growing threat of the giants was immanent. Krangor placed Clark the Cleric Clerk in charge of the town while he was away ,as Kragnor and the group needed to go deal with this growing menace. 

While in town celebrating Krangor was overcome with a sudden uncontrollable urge to attack Gob. Gob could sense some sort of power coming from the ring that Kragnor was wearing and he wanted it for him self. Gob cast hold person on Krangor and while he was paralyzed went and took the ring from him. He could then sense that the ring was cursed and he knew they had to do something to get rid of the curse. Melfias said they should bring the ring to his Cleric teacher. They brought the ring to hear and she agreed to remove the curse. To do so she took out a sword and put Gobs hand on a table. She then procedded to slam down with the sword as if to cut off Gobs finger but instead she tapped the ring and the curse disapated. The ring had become uncursed and felt even stronger. Gob gave the ring back to Krangor. Gob also discovered that he had a very strong repulsion to getting balls in his mouth. After this, the group packed up thier things and set foot to go and stop the giants.

The group got to the threatened town and met many new people there that were willing to help out in the coming battles against the giants. The group would have to get along with these people as for some reason they felt connected…

NEXT TIME ON VORPAL BLADES Z!!!! CAN THE GROUP GET ALONG WITH THE NEW BUNCH OF ASSHOLES THAT THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO WORK WITH?! DID KRANGOR BECOME MAYOR AND 5 SECONDS LATER LEAVE THE TOWN BEFORE DOING ANYTHING FOR THE TOWN AND NOW CLARK IS IN CHARGE?! THEY DIDN'T VOTE HIM IN AND I COULD SEE SOME POLITICAL PROBLEMS IN THE FUTURE CAUSE OF THAT! IS THE GROUP ABOUT TO POUND SOME GIANT ASS… YA DAMN RIGHT THEY ARE!! GET PUMPED FOR SHIT IS ABOUT TO GET REAL REAL!!!

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