Cragmaw, Town stuff, and FRANK!!!
1 JUN 17
Note!! Anything with (()) means this action was done outside of the live session.
The group started off the session by finishing up their short rest in a room with a passed out dwarf. They chilled with the guy for about 10 mins while they patched themselves up and he slept peacefully in what seemed like a concussed state.
After the group was ready they began to try and wake him up. It was a little harder then expected but after a few smacks and having beer thrown in his face he finally was alert. He happened to be the dwarf, Gundren Rockseeker, who the group was on the look out for. He told us of a map that he had with him originally, but could not find on him at the moment.
The group tore the room apart and ended up finding it hidden under a bed. They also found a magical leather sack that held a ton of gold and could hold o so much more! Gundren requested the map be returned to him and the group debated for a while whether to trust the dwarf or not.
They also debated whether or not to bring the dwarf with him. Eventually Gundren forced their hand and tagged along for the duration of their journey. The group was starting to get a little full of NPCs, with Hooty, Pantherny, Gundren, and Droop all tagging along with the 6 actual cool people. They began to explore the rest of the castle…
The next room they entered was a run down church with 3 goblins praying to some whacked out goblin god. One of the goblins was obviously the leader and was saying how his god Msdahgwueihgegpiuhg would smite us. That obviously did not happen! Instead the group easily killed the goblins friends and then interrogated the leader.
After telling him about the damn owl bears and bear owls that were already dead, he finally gave some good info about a treasure inside a brazier(not to be confused with Dairy Queen!).
For being so helpful the group decided that it would allow the fanatic goblin to meet its precious God Mfiudfdsiuaghafg by stabbing the shit out of his belly. Inside the Brazier they found a statue of a half elf that allowed a person to get quicker movement! Huzzah! The group then continued on.
In the next room the group found many weapons and armors hung along the wall including short swords and cutlasses. They also checked out some crates and were able to find Sildar's gear and a bottle of dwarven brandy, containing twenty servings of premium spirits. The group finished checking out all of the rooms and decided it was time for the big showdown in the kitchen.
Upon entering the kitchen the group found a large fat goblin chef who introduced him self as Frank, 5 helper goblins, and 4 body guards. Frank invited the group to sit down and eat with them. The group was obviously apprehensive about this invite as the last time a random monster asked them to sit down for dinner they all got their faces melted off.
Frank said he wished to cause no harm and could hear the commotion. Melfias pulled out the lead bug bear's head with the crown mended to its skull so it wont fall off when using it for intimidation purposes.
Frank recognized the head and knew his boss had been killed. He again asked for the group to eat. The group said no at first but asked if the goblin was in fact a good cook. He said he was great but it was tough for him to perform with the shitty ingredients he was given at this castle. He mostly made things out of rats and trash, but stated if given the right ingredients and tools, he could fashion wonderful meals. He again asked the group to try his food.
The group started to trust Frank more and sent in the the group's food tester, Droopy, cause if he died people would get over it pretty quickly. He went in for a bite of the food and absolutely loved what he tasted… and he didn't die.
The group, starting to trust Frank more, asked if he would be interested in staying at the fort and could have room and board if he and his followers helps do repairs around the castle and became the castle chef. Frank excitedly agreed and to show his loyalty went and cut the throats of the 4 body guard goblins.
The group was pumped they had just become best friends with Frank the classically trained goblin chef! The group decided to party hard with the goblins for the night to celebrate their new friendship and everyone got to take shots of dwarven brandy and get sloppy drunk. It was a real bonding moment and I am sure will deter Frank from ever betraying the group. The group then left Frank 120 GP for repairs and payment for the goblins work, and left Droopy as the fort's consigliere.(Frank assured them that Droopy would remain unharmed) Satisfied with the state of the fort, they headed to town to return Gundren, Sildars gear, and deal with town's issues…
In town, the group returned Gundren to Sildar, and discussed their upcoming plans for Wave Cave Echo. Gundren wanted to help at Wave Cave echo to clear it out and find his brothers. Sildar wanted the groups help to further help the lords alliance and make things better for the town. The group also returned Sildars gear.
Sildar said he would need 7-10 days to recruit people to the cause of venturing into wave cave echo. The group then went on their merry ways and did their individual tasks. Also, many members of the group had put in orders for new armors and many of them arrived. Krangor got some bad ass plate armor. Melfias, Glathetes, and GOB all got really sexy breast plates! Woo WOO!
First and foremost, the group decided it needed to get rid of the mayor. He sucked, was not good for the town, and did not help the group at all. They devised a devious plan to get rid of him.
Using the spider letter they had found in the Red Brand house, Allora used her skills in forgery to make another letter stating that the Redbrands were planning on killing the Mayor. They also discussed potentially kill the mayors family, having Melfias fuck his wife and letting the mayor find out, framing the mayor for killing and fucking young orphan boys and then paying off an orphan boy to be a fake witness, somehow getting his kids taken from him, and basically any way they could to make the mayors life a living hell. These ideas mind you were though up exclusively by Jillian and Monica. If Tony and Nathan were ever to cross Jillian and Monica not even God may be able to help them. They will probably find them selves in a prison cell with Bill Cosby and Jared from Subway.
Anyways…. after bringing things down a notch and not involving children and/or rape, the group delivered the letter as is to him. Melfias told the mayor that the group could hide him out in their new fort while they get a boat prepared to ship him away to a distant land. The mayor agreed, but demanded that his family come with him. Another debate ensued very similar to the previous one but eventually we allowed that to happen and the mayor and his family were shipped out of town using Melfias's family connections.
With the mayor gone it was time for a new man of the people to rise the town ranks and Make Stowedton Great Again! Krangor went to the town clerk and met clark who also happened to be a cleric. He was given a form to fill out that needed 10 signatures to be able to run for Mayor. Krangor enlisted the help of Melfias and together they set out for signatures!
The first place they went to was visiting the town cleric that trained Melfias. Krangor told her of his plans to help the homeless orphans, increase security by building a wall and making the goblins pay for it, and increasing trade in the area. She eventually signed.
Next they visited the local item store. The owner said if he was allowed to move to the Cragmaw fort he would be willing to sign. They agreed.
Finally in a flash of brilliance Melfias said they should go and get signatures from the whores that Melfias had been frequenting. The hookers were very excited to see the pair of men and with a few coins were willing to sign the paper as well. They also gave free hand jobs on the side to both because they were paid a decent amount and actually did like Krangors plans for the future. Life was good.
With 10 signatures in hand Melfias and Krangor returned to Clark the Cleric Clerk and to hand in the form. He said that only 6 out of the 8 whores were legitimate citizens and he still needed 2 more signatures. This is when the group learned a very good life lesson: never trust bitches who suck dick for money. They asked Clark if he would be interested in signing and gave him the same spiel. He actually seemed interested in signing and stated both his wife and mistress in the other room would probably sign the form as well. Who woulda though Clark was a straight OG pimp. In the next room the two ladies were having cups of tea and agreed to sign the form as well. The task was complete and Krangor was on his way to becoming the next mayor of Stowed-ton!
Once the Mayor left town, Allora and Fox decided they wanted to investigate what the mayor had been up to. Allora went to his home which was pretty empty, but did find a shopping list and a fake gold coin with the mayors face on it.
Allora then left the house as there was nothing else of importance. Fox went to his office and found a bunch of useless files… but under his desk she found a torn up picture of a man with some cutesey writing on the back. Who was this mysterious man?
While at the Clark the Clerk's Office, Melfias started to find out who owned the land of Cragmaw Fort, and if he could take it over to start to build on it. There were some minor things that needed to be done but it didn't look like anyone could stop him. He then began preparing for the rebuild of Cragmaw Fort!
Melfias said for rights to the land, he would help protect the roads and the town of Stowedton. ((Clark offered his services to Melfias for keeping track of the books of the fort and after asking the local town people about the opinion of Clark he agreed. He also showed clark the mysterious coin the group had found in the Mayors safe and Clark said he knew nothing of it but would check to see if the mayor had been swapping out money with fake money and seeing if it circulated to any other near by towns.))
Allora then wanted to start to get into the practice of making and using poisons and visited the local thieves guild for someone looking to take on a new apprentice. She found a man who was willing to train her that had a disgusting face from all the fuck ups that come from making poison. Allora was willing to take the risk. She became a novice of using the poison kit!
Fox wanted to become a master of Alchemy and needed to find someone to become her master as well. The only known person she knew of was the wizard at the local magic shop. The wizard hated her and would never train her in such things. After digging deep and trying to find some inspiration she heard rumors of another man in town that was known to dabble in the alchemist arts. She went and visited him and she became a novice in the alchemist arts!
Galthetes was all excited to start to use his new smithing abilities by seeing what he could make out of the bodies of the worm monsters that attacked at Cragmaw. He went with Melfias to the local magic shop to see about the special properties of the monsters. The wizard said if he agreed to give him the innards of the bodies he could keep the outside and some magic dust to make a nice new set of bracers out of them. Galthetes agreed and was able to make a fancy set of bracers that reduced incoming damage! He also at the behest of Melfias agreed to make an iron collar that could fit around the neck of a dragon. What on earth could that be for?
GOB being the man of books went to the local library to do some research on the local Fauna and animals. He also was finally able to decipher the ancient runes on his trinket he had found, and discovered they had said to his delight "dead bird inside". He also went and tried to find out any information he could on the other trinkets that the group was carrying. He found a few sparse details.
Melfias's trinket might have to do with a demon or some sort of entity that possess. Fox's trinket looks like a regent for some sort of spell or magic. Galthetes's trinket belonged to an archmage who may be now a lich. Allora's obsidian was warm when generally it is supposed to be cool to the touch. Krangor's trinket was a doll. What will come of this information?!
As the group finished their in-town business, they spent one final night camping and discussing preparations for wave cave echo. While camping a white magical bunny appeared with the number 4 printed on its side. It also only kept saying 4!, 4! Not 5, not 3, but 4!!!
The group tried to befriend the rabbit but it clearly wasn't working. Finally they opted to lay some carrots on the ground. Fox went over and attempted to pick it up and pet it. As soon as she began to give it cuddles the bunny's spirit started to disperse and everyone all of the sudden felt a tiny bit stronger… strong enough to feel like LEVEL 4 BITCHES!!!! WOOO!!!
With the group all done and time over the group did final preparations for Wave cave echo!!
NEXT TIME ON THE VORPAL BLADE (YA THAT IS WHAT I AM GOING WITH. THE GROUP NEEDS A NAME AND THIS ONE SOUNDS COOL CAUSE WE ARE KNOWN FOR CUTTING OFF PEOPLES HEADS.) IF YOU DONT KNOW WHAT A VORPAL BLADE LET ME TAKE GOOGLE OUT OF THE EQUATION. IT IS THE SWORD USED IN THE POEM JABBERWOCKY THAT IS USED TO CUT OFF ITS HEAD. YA REAL DEEP SHIT. IF PEOPLE WANT A DIFFERENT NAME FIGHT ME OR WE CAN PUT IT UP FOR A VOTE.)
ANYWAYSSSS NEXT TIME ON VORPAL BLADES!!!
WAVE CAVE ECHO CHOO CHOO?!
WHAT WILL BE INSIDE?
WILL WE FIND THOSE BROTHERS?!?
WILL FRANK MAKE HIS OWN COOKING SHOW?! HE COULD PROB SHIT IN A BUCKET AND IT STILL
WOULD COME UP BETTER THEN GUY FIERI'S FOOD.
ARE WE EVER GOING TO GET OUR SWEET REVENGE ON THAT PIECE OF SHIT DRAGON?!
WERE OTHER MEMBERS OF THE GROUP APPROACHED BY RANDOM PEOPLE TO JOIN SOMEGROUPS!?
ARE JILLIAN AND MONICA SECRETLY PSYCHOPATHS OR IS THIS REALLY A TRUE LIFE GLIMPSE INTO A WOMANS PSYCHE?!
FIND OUT THE ANSWERS TO ALL THIS AND MORE NEXT TIME ON VORPAL BLADES ZZZZZZ