This session opened up with the group resting after having had survived the siege on their castle. As the group was healing up an envoy of centaurs arrived at the castle saying their were coming to help with the siege and to warn them of the coming giant presence. Sadly, they were a little to late. They were also with a giant ox of a man with a glistening barrel shaped chest, legs for miles, and long flowing mane of hair. He introduced him self Turok. Before, he could even get the second syllable of his name out, Fox had already invited him to her room to pet her pussy. He said he wished to join our group and help with the coming war against the giants. The group welcomed him with open arms and Fox with open legs.
With minimal losses and since the castle did not get a scratch on it, everyone decided it was time to celebrate with a giant feast. Frank cooked his finest foods and the group partied the night away. They all felt inspired by the amazing feast and the feelings of victory.
The next day the group gathered up their things and headed for Stowedton to go and retrieve their airship. Before leaving, Morglob told the group that his scouts were able to find the Kobold Den. Melfias thought the task of taking the den out was a little below their league so he convinced Morglob to send this 3-12 best soldiers to take care of it. Morglob agreed as it would be good battle experience for them. The group soon set off for Stowedton.
Upon arriving in Stowedton the group hoped in their airship and set off for Flint Rock as to mark another target off their giant artifact map. On the way they received a message that the goblin soldiers sent to take care of the kobolds den had not been heard from for a couple days and Morglob requested that we go and look into it. The group relented and changed coarse for the den.
Upon arriving at the den they found a large mound with a small entrance being guarded by 4 kobolds. Fox, Galthetes, Gob, and Melfias snuck up to the kobolds and silently eliminated them. They then sent Fox into the tight caves to scout ahead.
Inside the mound were paths barely big enough for a person to squeeze though. There were little holes found all around the inside of the paths. after getting in a decent amount of distance with no sign of the enemy Fox called for the rest of the group to follow. The group soon came to a pool of blood which was determined to be that of goblin. The group knew their goblin squad was here somewhere and they had to find them.
Soon after, they could hear scurrying in the walls around them and it was getting loud and louder. The group decided to push further in to get away from the scurrying, but it was to late they were already in the kobold trap. Soon little wooden spears of death were coming in from the tiny holes that were open all along the path way and were getting stabbed. Melfias tried to shatter one of the paths where he thought he could see a kobold and they found a second path and a few kobolds of which they killed easily.
More and More kobolds were appearing and shanking the sides of the group, so they decided to run out of the den as quickly as possible. Gob wanted to launch a fire ball into one of the tiny holes hoping to kill as many kobolds as possible once the main group was able to escape. The fire ball was able to cause some damage, but again it was like shooting a gun into a swarm of ants. The group needed a new plan.
Gob began to think about the history of hunting and destroying kobold dens and realized the best way to take care of a kobold den was to smoke it out. This forced the kobolds to come to the surface where they could be killed en masse.
The group began to look for secret entrances out of the caves and clogged up as many as they could find. Gob then placed his ass cheeks up against the entrance and released a stinking cloud. Sounds of retching and the splashing of digested food hitting stone could be heard from inside the den. Soon some kobolds began to exit the den, but were shortly killed as they poked their heads up. The group could also see a few other trails that had the yellow smoke leaking out which allowed them to seal off more exits. Eventually they found the other main exist was located at the top of the mound and attacked as a short of chimney for the den. The group clogged this up and began to set fires around a few entrances to smoke out the remaining kobolds. They began to flee the den as quickly as possible, but again were soon killed by the group once their showed their position. Soon the exodus of kobolds stopped and the group waited just a little bit longer to make sure al the kobolds were chocked out by the smoke. Once they went a few minutes with no activity they group declared them selves victorious again! …. With one small issues. While smoking out and suffocating the kobolds they had most likely also done that to the goblin troop basically ruining the whole reason they went to the den in the first place…. BAH fuck that they killed a kobold den… America Fuck YA! With their task done the group hoped back into their balloon to get back to their task of finding giant artifacts.
Upon getting into the balloon the group started to feel very uneasy and feeling they might have come down with DMitis. They felt a certain yearning to return to the kobold mound and explore the inside. The group decided due to this overwhelming sense of uneasiness they should go deeper into the den and maybe try to find some goblin survivors.
Upon getting back into the den and searching the place they found many dead kobold bodies and a prison. Inside the prison they found one surviving goblin and was on the brink of death. They were able to heal him and he told them how their group was ambushed by the kobolds and no one else survived. He said he could make it back to Cragmaw Castle. Gob used detect magic and could feel deeper in the cave there was a huge magical presence. The group decided to go to it and see what mysteries they could find in the cave.
Upon getting to the source of the magic, the group found a giant stone door surrounded by runes. The rune around the door stated "What has rivers, but no water, towns but no people, and, trees but no leaves". Galthetes being the clever bastard that he is instantly said a map. The door instantly opened and beckoned us inside. The group stepped in having no idea about the horror and frustration that laid before them.
The first room of this dwarven cavern of misery and beguilement had walls and a ceiling layered with spikes. They was also what seemed to be a dwarven clock on the wall with a button. The clock continuously ran and the group was afraid that when it hit zero it would make the spikes crush them. Upon walking into the room the door behind them closed and magically locked. They group was trapped in this spiked room and needed to find a way out. Their first objective was to find out what the button did. Upon pressing it the clock returned to its starting position and the count down began once again. The group searched the room for more clues, while Fox put Panthony on button duty. They were able to find the message "push the button push the button etched into a wall. There were also 52 tally marks. The group then had Panthony push the button 52 times and nothing seemed to happen. Turok then decided that he might be able to stop the clock with his immovable rod. He jammed it into the rotating cylindar, but it just broke the outside facade of the clock. It did not stop the timer. Gob used detect magic and could see there was magic coming from the clock, the exit door, and a circle above the door. Krangor poked the circle above the door with his pole arm. In his head her could hear "mmmm….". He told the group what happened and many decided that it would be a good idea to touch and caress the stone. Other then making the wall feel good nothing happened. The group was befuddled. This would become a common theme through out this dungeon. Melfias decided fuck it lets not press the button and see what happens. Nothing else was working. The group watched the timer with abated breath and a scared stillness in their bones as it ticked closer and closer to zero. Melfias was ready to cast shatter at the spikes in case they came hurdling town the group. As the clock finally wound down and struck zero and mouth appeared above the door where the circle was located and began to laugh hysterically. The door then opened and the group was fucking pissed. Begrudgingly and with no other choice the group walked into the next room a mind bending torment…
Inside the second room of this dwarven puzzle box was an empty room other then a button, a door, and an ornate handle on the door. The group went and pushed the button and in the corner of the room dwarven runes glowed stating "magic always wins". The group sent their new friend Turok to and try to open the door. Upon touching the handle he was shocked with electricity. The group then decided to try and hit the door with spells to maybe melt the handle off. Gob released some fire bolts and the door handle began to glow a bright red. Turok again tried to open the door and he was burned this time. Galthetes then tried to slash the handle with his two magical cutlasses and the handle now glowed red and golden. Turok, our professional guinea pig again touched the door to only be burned and hit for radiant damage. Deciding that the message said "Magic always wins" the group thought maybe the message was a lie and to now hit the handle with physical attacks. Krangor and Melfias both tried poking the handle with their weapons to only also get shocked. Melfias in his frustration then cast dispel magic on the handle. The handle could now no longer absorb element and cause damage… but it was still locked. Melfias said fuck this I am just going to try and open the damn door and when he touched the handle and pushed…. the stupid fucking door opened. Apparently, a full caster had to open the door and man this dungeon is frustrating. With even more rage filling the groups very essence they pushed forward.
In the next room they found a door at the end of a long hall way that connected to the area they entered into, which was a larger square area. Inside that square area the entire roof of the ceiling was lined with torches. There was also a button. Upon pressing the button it stated "When the sky runs red you must go backwards to go forward". The group decided that their first thing they should do is light up all of the torches to make the sky red. They then walked backwards towards the door. Upon getting to the door the pushed the handle and BOOM HEAD SHOT THAT BITCH OPENED UP EASIER THEN FOX! With a sense of hope the group continued on to the next room.
In side this room was again, a door at the very end of a long hall way. In the middle of the hall way was a glowing treasure chest with a spiked pit in front of it. Melfias asked for the wand of magic wand creation. He began walking forward and started making wands and throwing them at the pit. The wands floated above the pit. Triumphant that the pit was an illusion Melfias walked over it!! Only to fall into another spiked pit on the other side taking massive damage. Turok pulled him out of the pit. Melfias and the rest of the group began throwing stones, dirt, and more magic wands around the room trying to find any other traps. After they got a sense of the lay out of the room Melfias did a running jump using his boots of striding to make it to the other side of the pits and to the chest. He then used mending to create a small walk bridge for the rest of the group to get to the chest as well. They then opened up the glowing chest. Inside they found an ornate magic wand and a large 100 sided green rolly rock. Gob cast identify on the wand and discovered it was a magic wand of wonder! He was so excited to roll his green rolly rock and magic wand of random magic affects! The group then went to the end of the hall way and opened the door to the next room feeling elated as they had found a awesome shiney.
In the next room was a long hall way covered with ice and spikes. There was also a button and a door at the end of the hall way. Gob cast spider walk on Fox. She climbed along the non-iced walls to get to the door and to press the button. The door was obviously locked. When pressing the button dwarven runes appeared stating "The pathway of icy fangs". The group then began to try and get the door open. First they tried to use fire magic on the iced spikes, but they would just grow right back. They then tried to melt the ice covering the ramp, but it would just quickly refreeze again. They then decided that everyone should try to climb to the top of the icy ramp. One by one the group worked their way up. Melfias and Turok sadly were not able to make it and fell back to the bottom of the ramp hitting some spikes on the way. After the pit room and the magic door handle room they were both hurting pretty badly. Melfias cast Aura of Vitality and healed them both back up. Galthetes, Gob, and Fox began working on making a climbing rope for two stuck at the bottom of the ramp. They were able to get pitons into the side of the wall and make a sort of human chain rope to make the climb easier for Melfias and Turok. Upon them all getting to the top they found the door to still be locked. The group had run out of ideas. Melfias though maybe we have to go the direction the spikes are pointing and sent Fox back down to the bottom of the ramp and try to go out the in door. It didn't work and now she had to make the treacherous climb once again. She had a few issues getting back up and feel a few times, but eventually she was able to make it back. The group was stumped again. This time Melfias thought he should try and use dispel magic on the door. This sadly ended up opening a hole in the door that cause a ton of water to rush out of it and attempt to push the group back down to the bottom through the dangerous spiked ramp. Luckily for the group the only one to actually be affected by this was Fox. She took some more damage, but was able to make her way back up. She was not pleased after her many tumbles through the jagged iced spikes. Again the group had no idea what to do and in a moment of desperation Krangor prayed to his god for advice, but got nothing in return. Galthetes eventually said fuck it and tried to lock pick the door. The door opened. I fucking hate this place. Pissed off once again the group walked to the next room.
In the middle of this room stood a pillar about 5 feet high with a door at the end. The room had some tight quarters compared to the other rooms. The group walked to the pillar and found a button at its top. They pushed the fateful button of doom… As soon as they pushed the button two stone golems appeared in the room. Before this fight even started many of the group was already injured and many of Gob and Melfias spells were used up. These were hulking slag monsters were out for blood and seemed like they would be the most formidable opponents the group had ever faced.
They started off the battle by affecting Krangor, Galthetes, and Turok with slow. Fox made the red hued stone golem her enemy and shot some arrows into him, but it wasn't very effective. Panthony also tried to slash at it, but again it just was not up to snuff. Melfias cast bless to make it so the slowed people could at least have a chance of doing something with their limited action. Krangor divine smited as hard as he could against the white hued golem and did some decent damage, but it barely made a crack. Galthetes did all he could with his cutlasses, but again barely made any head way. Gob, all excited to use his fancy new wand, gave it a rip. He ended up casting fireball in the tight quartered room and burned both the golems and the majority of his team. Turok slammed his axe into the golem as well and the white stone golem's body began to give a little. Sadly, now it was their turn to bring the pain. The stone golems targeted Krangor and Galthetes as they were the closest to them. Both was smashed into pieces and dropped almost instantly. Soon their spirits transformed into a new visage that had never been seen before. The group though they had hope and that this would be a second chance for them against the golem menace. They were dead wrong. The spirits of good old friends Galthetes and Krangor began attacking the party. It was now 4v4 with the group in very rough shape. Melfias began to scream in incoherent anger. He used phantasmal force to make the red hued golem believe his body was falling apart so he couldn't concentrate on hurting the group. The rest of the group focused on the white golem hoping its death would make their friends return to their side. The white golem had had some decent damage done to it so there was a chance. Turok knew he had to step up for the group and show them what he could do! With the keen sense of his warrior eye, Turok noticed what seemed like an extra vulnerable area on the white stone golem. Making a quick prayer to his ancestors and with the force of 1000 Conan's Turok rushed forward to send as much of his metal battle axe through the stone golem's body as humanly possible. As his brutal hit was about to hit the, ghostly visage of Kragnor had a smile creep across as he knew Turok had left him self open for a quick hit. Krangor reacted perfectly and slashed Turok right across the chest making Turok fall to his knees in pain not allowing to get off the group saving attack. The group was doom. Melfias swore and berated the ghosts of his former friends using the most filthy vocabulary he could muster, but it didn't matter. One by one the golems and the two risen fiends killed off the rest of the group. This was the end. They had come all this way and now it would soon be over, as they would all be embraced by the loving touch of deaths sweet kiss…. or so they thought. As soon as deaths lips were about to reach their soul each member of the group woke up in the stale, cold, room with the giant pillar. Like Dallas it had been a dream. Not all of this nightmare… just the golem part, but the group was alive and well. Pissed off… but still among the living. The group decided this might be a good time to take a break and catch their breath.
NEXT TIME ON VORPAL BLA… FUCK THAT!! FUCK YOU KEVIN!! YOU SUCK! THE SHIT YOU PULLED IN THIS ONE WAS THE MOST FUCKING RAGE INDUCING, FRUSTRATING, BORDERLINE SOCIOPATHIC, AWESOME SHIT EVER. WHAT A GOOD FUCKING SESSION. WE GOT A TON OF QUESTIONS. TO MANY TO LIST. LETS HOPE AT LEAST A COUPLE GET ANSWERED AND SOME MORE SWEET SHIT HAPPEN IN THIS DWARVEN HELL HOLE. ALSO THANKS FOR LETTING US AT YOUR LAKE HOUSE. IT WAS BITCHIN.