Stowed-ton Adventures

7/25/17 - Ninth Session
Sweet revenge, a vision quest, and real politik


The session opened up with the amazing Vorpal Blades heading back to Cragmaw Fort feeling victorious having wiped the floor with Wave Cave Echo and saving another dwarven brother. Upon getting to their fort, they saw over 20 goblins working on putting it back together. One of the goblins then came up to the group demanding they identify them selves. The group told them who they were. The goblin then went and grabbed his boss, Droopy. Droopy had obviously seen a stylist while the group was in wave cave echo becuase he was now decked out in the finest tattered clothes a goblin could buy. He was excited to see his friends return and boasted about the progress that had been made on the fort. He also told them of his dad who had decided to move into the fort as well, Goblin King Moreglop. The group went in to meet this new king.

Moreglop welcomed the group and they discussed the current arrangement of goblins putting Cragmaw fort back together for the chance to make it their new home. The group agreed to give the goblins a wing of the castle in the back if they continued to labor away and reconstruct the fort. Moreglop was pleased with the deal and promised to do his best for the group while they were not there. They also checked in with everyone's favorite goblin chef, Frank!

 Frank had been cooking for the new inhabitants of the fort and everyone seemed to be getting along greatly. The group gave Frank another 1800 GP to continue construction on the fort. With a wave the group left their rebuilding fort in the hands of their goblin friends and continued on to go and reacquaint them selves with an old friend…

The group returned to the tower of Venomfang the green dragon. This green dragon had become an obsession of the Vorpal Blades, ever since he invited them in for bread and moldy cheese once. Instead of being a gracious host, he spit poison in everyones faces and killed the group. Luckily, a bit of DM magic allowed the group to go back 30 mins in time to learn from past mistakes at the cost of a magical halberd that the group just received. Now the group had become more powerful and were ready to rain down holy hell upon this green dragon. But, it would not be easy, for the green dragon is crafty and full of wit.

The group debated how about to get the dragon down to ground level and came up with the most insidious of ideas… that was destined to fail. They tried it anyway. Fox, being the badass ranger she was, cast Pass Without a Trace to make the group more stealthy so they could lay in wait for an ambush. Galthetes, Allora, Gob, Fox and Pantherny hid around the entrance to the fort in the heavy brush while Melfias and Krangor went up the path to talk with the green dragon. Gob made an illusion of treasure near them and Melfias and Krangor offered it to the dragon if he would leave the tower. At that time silly Galthetes made a little to much noise and the dragon was aware of his presence… also the dragon had noticed the fact that the treasure was an illusion. Krangor and Melfias tried to convince the dragon to come down and to take the treasure as a sign of good faith that he would leave. Melfias and Krangor then walked away saying they would leave the treasure there for him cause they trusted. The dragon repeatedly said he would just take the treasure and not leave. Melfias and Krangor didn't really know what to do so they just walked away and hid. At this time, Galthetes realized the dragon kept looking in his general direction, so he decided to give up his position and pretend like he had a little more to add to the treasure and so he could run away and stealth with the group as well. The dragon looked a little dumbfounded at the situation and attitude of the group but still did not come down from his high perch on the tower. 

The group waited an hour for the dragon to take the treasure while they lay in wait for an ambush. He never moved from his spot and instead started juggling rocks to pass the time. Finally, Galthetes had had enough and wanted to force the dragon to move away from the tower. Melfias' had been dropped on his head multiple times as a child forgot he had learned the spell shatter which would have made quick work of the support walls of the tower. Instead, Galthetes went the low tech route and began to walk right to the tower. He planned on smoking out the dragon by throwing flasks of oil and his torch to start fires. Eventually the dragon got pissed enough to begin his assault. 

Galthetes first coarse of action was to run into the tower as to get far away enough from the group so they were not all hit by the poison breath that he knew the dragon possessed. Fox still hiding in the bushes shot a couple of arrows at the dragon and then commanded Pantherny to run into the tower with Galthetes to help him out. Gob attempted to launch some scorching rays at the dragon, but they all missed. Melfias remembered he had shatter and blew apart the front door of the tower, making it easier for people to run and begin attacking the dragon. He also hurt the dragon a bit with the attack. Allora start to climb up the back of the tower and to the top so she could get the jump on the dragon and put the collar on him. The dragon had waited long enough and now planned on taking out that thorn in his side, Galthetes.

He jumped town from the top of his tower and bellowed out a thick plume of poison spray that covered Pantherny and Galthetes. Galthetes was able to take the hit, but poor Pantherny went down for the count. Krangor saw his friends in trouble and pulled out some of the new tricks he had learned. He misty stepped over the thick brush and ran at the dragon with his trusty halberd and got in a nice attack. The dragon though still had plenty of life in him. Fox continued to shoot arrows at the dragon slowly ticking his health down. Allora was finally in position to spring the groups ultimate trap! She jumped down from the top of the tower down to the dragons back and slammed the collar on him. The dragon was not happy with this new predicament and decided it might be time to run away. Allora was still holding into the dragon like the fearless rogue she was as the dragon began to take off.

The dragon started his attempt to fly away, but was met with Melfias' phantasmal force. Melfias tried to make the dragon believe his wings had melted off and it only slightly worked, but did slow the dragon down for a second. Allora started to fear that she was going to fly off with the dragon where she would be subject to donkey and dragon action from Shrek. Little did she know that the noble paladin Krangor was there and ready to make sure this dragon was not able to escape.

Using his misty step again Krangor was able to teleport him self above the dragon and fell on to its back and was able to balance him self by grabbing a wing. With all of his might he took his halberd and jammed its as far into the dragons back and hit a vital organ. The dragon took significant damage..but it was not over. Krangor then summed up the power of his god to make the hit become a divine smite burning away the flesh around where the halberd entered the dragons body, causing even more damage.

The dragon was starting to waiver. How much more punishment could it take? Krangor didn't give a fuck and was ready to end this now. He pulled the halberd back out of the dragons back and this time slashed for the side of its neck. He again summoned help from the gods and with his glowing halberd he slashed half way through the dragons throat instantly killing it. The dragon began plummeting back to the ground. Allora and Krangor were scared their lives would end from the fall. Luckily, Melfias had kept secret another spell he had also recently learned called feather fall. He made Krangor and Allora light and float like a feather and they were able to land back on the ground safely. The group had finally did it. They had laid waste to the deceitful, unwelcoming, abhorrent, bitch-ass, dragon! The group wasted no time in dismembering the dragons body. They took the claws to make weapons, the scales to make armor, the teeth for jewelry, and the head to show to the rest of the world how bad ass they were.

The group then ransacked the dragons horde. They found some treasure and scrolls, but also a bunch of rusted weapons. Fox started to feel uneasy about one of the weapons. She could sense it was magical and gave it to Gob to identify. He discovered it was Hue, the plant destroying halberd. Krangor not only was able to make waste of the dragon, but was able to get a new weapon! O happy days for Krangor indeed!  Krangor was officially given the title of Dragon Slayer for his bravery and kick ass ability at destroying dragons! Feeling satisfied, the group preceded to the old druids house who wanted the dragon gone in the first place, and left a note and a dragon tooth showing they had taken care of the dragon. They then preceded to Stowedton.

The group arrived at Stowedton with the dragons head on Krangors halberd so they could show it off to the towns folk. Everyone was excited to see and touch a real dragons head and people wanted to have a celebration. The group decided to go on a vision quest fueled by drugs that Fox was able to procure from the forest. The group asked all of their closest friends and allies to come with them. They also brought along alcohol and pizza so people had stuff to eat and drink. They went to a nice mossy hill that Fox knew about and every dosed them selves and let the good vibes roll. Most people dreamed about riches and things that made them happy, except for Melfias who continued to have brutal nightmares. Gob and the group had an intense discussion about ducks, family trees, and money. Everyone just was able to relax for a while thinking happy thought and it brought everyone closer together. The main members of the group did all have one dream they shared. They could see giants in a pit fighting surrounded by storming clouds. What could it mean? Maybe someday we shall see! After the drugs wore off the group returned to town refreshed and ready to take on the world!

The group took this time to work on some of their personal goals. Melfias went out and tried to get loans to help rebuild Cragmaw Fort. He was only able to get around 9000 GP which was only about 20% of what he needed. He will have to continue to whore him self for more money to support the fort.

Galthetes and Gob went to wave cave echo to learn what they could about re-energizing the magical forge. They discovered that its power comes from the cave its self and that roots of energy go deep into the rock. There are currently many roots blocked and if they were able to maybe somehow remove those blockages the forge could become more powerful. Galthetes wanted to do more research so he headed to Neverwinter and to use their library to discover more about powering forges. He did not learn much more. 

Gob also helped out with some of the repairs at Cragmaw Fort just to get that moving along. He also went and acted as Su Chef for Frank to help him cook in an upcoming mayoral event. We will get more to that later.

Fox disappeared from the group and went out on a quest of her own. Not much else is known about this, but it probably has something to do with the old druid we met and killed the dragon for.

Krangor started to push his mayoral election campaign into high gear. He discovered he had a challenger that goes by the name Fatman. Fatman was a local farmer and he had gone to Neverwinter to get the Lords Alliance to help Stowedton. He was beloved by many of Stowedton and had grown up there all his life. Krangor met him at his place and challenged him to a debate one week before the election. Fatman agreed. Krangor then went around town doing good deeds, kissing baby, helping orphans, and put up fliers to help his campaign.

Allora being the super sneaky lady she is, went off to Neverwinter to dig up dirt on Fatman. She was able to find out that he might have some shady money and contacts but didnt find anything else really. What she did do instead was forge a letter framing Fatman for the black mail of the old mayor and blaming him for forcing him to leave. 

When polling came out it was found that Krangor was losing to Fatman 70/30 in the vote and the most hot topic issue was the fact that Krangor had allowed Goblins to live and work for him over at Cragmaw fort. Most residence of Stowedton hated goblins as they had been attacking them for centuries. 

Krangor and Gob decided that they should have a giant benefit for the town and allow Frank to secretly cook for it. They wanted to show the people of the town that Goblins were people and had just as much talent as humans. Melfias also started a Goblin lives matter campaign to help fight goblin discrimination. 

Krangor began preparing for the party by getting a new cashmere suit with a purple cape made for him so he looked more mayoral. Gob went and became a Su chef for Frank and helped in cooking his feast of sushi, shrimp, vegetable medley, a surf and turf of swordfish and boar, and sorbet. The rest of the group went and made sure boosters that supported Krangor were at the party. Melfias was put in charge of the bar so he could hob knob with the guests and convince them to support Krangor. He also used his skeleton band to play some great banquet hall music which everyone loved. The party was going great. Krangor was shaking hands and making new friends and people seemed to really support his run for mayor. It was time for the big reveal.

Krangor made a toast and began to talk about how Goblins are people and deserve our respect.  Humans should learn to work with them not always attack them. He also said they could be as talented and do things as well as any human. Many people began to become apprehensive. Krangor then went and asked everyone how they enjoyed their meals. The town people clapped saying they thought it was very good. Krangor then went and pulled down the curtains showing everyone who was the true chef of the meal. The town folk were stunned. Krangor told them to realize Frank could be as good as humans at cooking and we should come to peace with the goblins. For a couple of seconds there was complete silence, until Krangors group and their boosters started a slow clap. Which started to build louder and louder until the majority of the room were clapping. There were also some dissenting boos in the crowd as well, but fuck them.

Frank then took the microphone and talked about how his clan had always been peaceful and not all goblins were bad. His people just wanted acceptance from the humans. Some people started to agree with Frank, while others began to leave. Those that stayed were invited to party with the goblin. Melfias then made his skeleton band start to play some up beat techno music. He used prestidigitation to make lights and flashes appear around the dance floor and then Thaumaturgy to really make the beat drop. Everyone that stayed at the party had a great night and the polls the next day showed it, as Krangor was now winning 70/30! 

Krangor discovered the letter that Allora  had made for him inside the breast pocket of his cashmere suit. He decided to keep it until 2 days before the election. He would then give it to the town newspaper anonymously and hopefully hurt Fatmans chances in the election. With the party done all that was left to prepare for was the coming debate with Fatman. Krangor better go brush up on his debate skills cause Fatman will not be a push over!!




Eight Session 7/15/15
Gourmet Cows and Bitch Ass Wizards

This session opened up with the group taking a short rest to recover from the flaming skull fight. The group was definitely starting to get exhausted after trekking through this mine filled with ghastly horrors for many hours.

They then continued into the next room which looked like a banquet hall with many dead skeletons in it. The group did a quick search of the surrounding bodies. Fox and Krangor went to search one very mysterious looking group of skeletons. Once they got close enough a group of ghouls nearby erupted from a near by area and started their attack on the exhausted group! The ghouls first started to attack Krangor and Galthetes. Little did they know the punishment they would be in for not all attacking Krangor. Krangor made the ghouls really hurt for trying to attack his friends. He slashed them apart with his halberd while Galthetes sliced them up into a nice ghoulash with his cutlasses of light. The few that did attack Krangor tried to poison him but his powerful body was able to fight off the poisons. Fox, Pantherny, and Allora also continued to bring the pain. They brought many of the ghouls to within inches of their life only for Krangor or Galthetes to get the actual glory of the kill. 

Melfias and Gob just chilled in the back lobbing firebolts and making fun of the ghouls moms cause thats what they do. They thought they had it easy. They were wrong. All of the sudden a follower of the house of Cosby dropped from the ceiling. The pudding monster attacked the poor spell throwers who just liked to be annoying dicks and chill in the back. The pudding bitch slapped Gob across the face and he pussied out and ran away. Sildar thinking he was a bad ass attack the pudding by cutting it in half. Sadly, this now created two puddings. Melfias being the brave bard he is decided to up his insult game and made fun of the pudding right to his face. He told the pudding that Bill Cosby loves pudding… pudding his dick where it doesnt belong! The pudding was so distracted he couldn't land a hit on Melfias. Eventually the rest of the group came and stomped out the puddings for the frail magic users. The group, victorious, continued back to the scary pools they avoided so long ago. 

After coming back to the pool the group argued who should go into the dark murky water. They used Galthetes new shining sword of light as a light source, but still could not see the skeleton they knew was down at the bottom of the pool. After some debate, Melfias begrudgingly said fuck it I will go but I am going to bitch the whole time. Allora then took up the mantle and went in with Melfias. They felt along the skeleton and felt something hard stick out form his crotch. They also found some metal rings on his fingers. They grabbed the rings and the hard stick at his crotch and brought them back to the surface. They found the rings to have some monetary value and the stick to actually be a wand! Excited they were not eaten by sharks while in the water the group pressed onward into the cave.

They headed back to the banquet hall as from there was the only path they had not gone into yet. They went up to the only unopened door and listened in to the other side. They could hear Bugbears complaining about being hungry. The group began to devise a glorious scheme. 

Allora took out the dead rotting cow she had been carrying around now for a few weeks and laid it on the table. Gob using his illusion magic to make it look like a succulent cow ready to be eaten. Allora then doused the cow with poisons she had found previously. Krangor and Fox went up to the door to offer the blighted bovine to the bewildered bugbears. 

The bugbears at first questioned what these two were doing, but they explained them selves as slaves of nezcar, and that he had asked them to prepare a meal for them. They at first questioned the group and the quality of the meat but, Krangor and Fox tried to convince them everything was ok. Melfias then used his prestidigition to make the aroma of delicious steak fill the air and made the bugbears even more hungry. They demanded Melfias to kiss their rings before they would eat and Melfias did while having an evil smirk on his face. The bugbears then proceeded to pig out on the poisoned heifer. Allora and Galthetes hid under the tables as to spring an attack when the time was right. 

After 30 mins of eating, the bug bears began to get sick and Allora and Galthetes sprang into action. Galthetes tried to trip two of the bug bears and Allora began stabby stabby time. The bugbears were far to poisoned to put up to much of a fight and the group easily dispatched them. The group got more use out of a rotting cow carcass then most would have thought.

After this concluded the group continued on and found an open room with pillars and a locked door. The group went inside the open room and found a wizard, a couple bug bears, 4 spiders, and a statue with emeralds for eyes. The group began their assault. Melfias and Gob stayed in the hallway area shooting off spells to assist the group. Gob blessed the fighters of the group and then placed an area of grease to trip up the spiders. Melfias cast crown of madness on one of the spiders so that he may begin attack his friends. Allora ran up to the statue to go get those gleaming emerald eyes. Krangor got webbed in place, but luckily he had a weapon with long reach and was able to still attack the monsters. Fox sent Pantherny in to attack and she began shooting arrows at the bug bears. The drow wizard drank a potion of invisibility and started to shoot spells from the shadows. 

Allora was able to get up to the emerald eyes and giggled with glee as she snatched one out of the statue. As soon as she did this, the room began to crack and collapse. The falling rocks and debris took out Krangor and Galthetes and Pantherny. It also took out a bug bear and 2 spiders. Soon the mage tried to take advantage of this by climbing on the walls and shooting spells at the group. They were damaged and exhausted but it was time for Gob and Melfias to finally shine. First both quickly cast healing word on two of their fallen brethren. Then Melfias went and really fuck up the wizards day. He cast hold person and paralyzed the wizard in place while stuck to the wall about 15 feet in the air. While it was nice to have him not fucking with the group now the issue is no one really had the range to attack him in melee to do real damage… or so they thought….

With a glint in her eye and some pep in her step Allora scrambled down the statue, sprinted across the room dodging out of the way of the spider and bug bear, ran up the wall like some sorta ninja, and drove her short swords into the throat of the paralyzed drow wizard. She left a gaping hole that the wizard would never be able to recover from. He slowly bled out and died while still paralyzed and helpless and attached to the wall. The group turned their attention to the remaining bugbear and spider and made quick work of them. With everything dead the looted the bodies.   

With the group done fighting with the wizard and his cronies they all of the sudden heard a door slam and the sound of a scuffle. Inside the previously locked room they found two dwarven brothers both of which looked exactly the same, but one had a black eye. The group separated the twins and began questioning them. They asked them both things that they thought only the real brother would know, but both knew the answers to these questions. Eventually they figured that the real one would have a black eye from when the clone ran in and tried to steal his identity. The group figured fuck it and chopped off the head of the uninjured clone. andddd luckily he melted into the goo! The group got it right! With that they released the tied up brother and began their escape out of the mine! Gob spent some time identifying the objects they had found and discovered they had looted a ring of damage, a wand of magic missile, and a spider staff! The group left the mines triumphant excited to see the benefits this mine would bring them!



Seventh Session - 6/15/17
Forge of Souls and Flaming Skull

The group began todays session in the room where they destroyed the wizard wraith. Some of the members were exhausted and wanted to take a short rest. After some debate the rest happened but not before a group of mosquitoes came and tried to feast on the blood of the party. The group were ready to stab the shit out of these silly useless bugs.

The group used their ranged attacks to take them out one by one. Galthetes was able to line up a perfect shot and took two out with one arrow. Krangor layed in wait to react to any that came to close to the group and smashed one to pieces when it ventured too near. Slowly the group whittled down their numbers, but one was able to bite Fox. Luckily her trusty companion, Pantherny, plucked it off and crushed it beneath its paws. The group eventually killed the rest of them with relative ease. Fox could feel a tingling sensation where she was bitten and knew that the bite could eventually lead to a disease. Krangor put his hands all over Fox and made the disease go away cause he has that magic touch. 

The group finally were able to take their short rest and heal up. Gob used an illusion at the doorway to make it look like a wall so the group couldn't be detected while they rested. At the end of their rest they then continued on to the next room where they could feel a very powerful presence behind the door. They also could sense a very powerful undead. 

Inside the room they found what looked like a giant blob head with eye balls. The group went up to talk to it as they realized it was a spectator and they hoped to reason with it. Melfias began to talk to it about what it was doing in this area. He mentioned that he had a contract to watch the forge of spells and was hired by some dwarves. Melfias and Krangor began telling the spectator that they were given permission to go into the forge by those dwarves and showed them a dwarven sigil as proof. The spectator bought into their lies and disappeared allowing them safe passage into the forge.

Inside the room they found a brazier with a green magical flame. After investigating it they discovered that it was a flame that could improve the quality of their items. Galthetes took peoples weapons one by one and placed them into the forge to make them stronger. The rest of the group searched the room and found a magical breastplate and cutlass. Gob used his identification ritual and discovered that he found a dragon scale breast plate and a sun cutlass of Lathander! Gob took the breast plate as he was the most frail of the group and could use the added defense and Galthetes of coarse took the cutlass even though it was a sword representing Melfias' main squeeze of a god. The group rejoined…. but not for long, cause soon after they could hear a bunch of assholes outside the door demanding that we come out. The group prepared for battle.

The group readied attacks for the first people that stuck their head through the front door. Sadly, the group of enemies appeared through the back door. Gob tried to make an illusion of the spectator demanding that they not intrude, but the bugbears were not fooled and started their assault. They quickly ran in and surrounded Melfias and he took some damage. Two spiders were found to be crawling on the ceiling and they spit webbing at Krangor and Galthetes but luckily missed. Gob placed a grease spell on the wall making one of the spiders come crashing down to the ground. The group then began to swarm the enemies. Krangor ran up next to Melfias to guard him and get any free hits he could when they attempted to attack Melfias. Allora started jumping around sneak attacking bitches like a pro. Fox and Pantherny used team work to shoot and claw fuckers. Galthetes got to use his fancy new sword and cut down many people. Melfias made fun of people and made them feel bad. It was sorta effective. Soon after, they were left with only one bug bear who was attempting to run away. Little did they know Pantherny is a fucking panther and is fucking fast. Also, Allora is a fucking rogue and is also fast. Both caught up to the poor guy ready to kill him. Melfias instead demanded the guy drop his weapons and give up if he wanted to live. He agreed and the fight was over.

The group began to interrogate the bugbear and got some locations on the map and were told of some things to look out for in the caverns. After that Melfias bestowed the greatest gift a member of the Vorpal Blades can give to an enemy. He cut off his head and added his head into our fancy bag of holding. The group then continued to the next room.

The group proceeded down the path to the next room in a 1×2 × 2 x 2 formation with Sildar out front cause fuck that guy. in the next room that saw a large furnace that looked like it had not been used for many years. Above that, they saw a floating skull covered in green flame. Knowing it was scary and undead Fox got ready to shoot an arrow at its face, but the green skull now dubbed "Total Fuckwad Johnson" shot the most bad ass fireball the group has ever seen right in their faces and man did it hurt. Melfias and Allora were thankfully able to dodge all damage. Fox was able to take half damage and Gob, Krangor, and Galthetes took the full brunt of the force of the fireball. Melfias used is cutting words to make the damage slightly less, but man did it still hurt. Gob dropped like a sack full of elephant poop. Krangor and Galthetes were at very limited health. To make things even better 8 zombies appear with the flaming skull to really ruin our day. It was time for the Vorpal Blades to step the fuck up. 

Since Fox was able to survive the blast she was able to get off her arrow that she shot, but it did very little damage to the green flaming skull. The rest of the group moved in to take on the zombies. Panthery ran in first and pounced on the first one he saw. Melfias threw a heal to Krangor and mocked the zombie's mothers to make them distracted. Allora, being the bad ass thief/healer that she is, was able to bring back up Gob and sneak attack a zombie by shanking it in the back. Glathetes ran into the heat of battle and started to slice the zombies up using his new glowing sword of holy awesome. Krangor even though injured, bravely went to the front lines and sliced and bashed zombies down while protecting his friends. Fox also ran up with her two short swords and began to stab the zombies as well. Gob casted a much needed bless on the group and then hid in a corner as to not die as he was holding on for dear life. 

Total Fuck wad Johnson had different plans for the group. He summoned a globe of fire that he used to slam into the group and give 3rd degree burns. He slammed it into Krangor and Fox. Krangor was on the precipitous of death while Fox would have died, but used her absorb elements spell to negate some of the damage and power up her next attack with fire magic. As the group dwindled down the Zombie horde numbers the groups focus began to turn to Total Fuckwad Johnson!

Melfias began to conjure a phantasmal force of an ice net to force the flaming flying skull to the ground so the rest of the group could reach it. The rest of the group had different plans. The flaming skull was hiding behind a 20 ft high forge which the group climbed up to get the high ground. Krangor ran behind the forge to find the exact location of the flaming skull and got near him so he couldnt run away. Fox and Pantherny rushed up to the top of the forge ready to jump down an attack but they would be to slow for we had a pro climber in Allora. Allora being a bad ass thief easily climbed the side of the forge, ran across the roof, high jumped into the air, did a triple axel in the air, and slammed her sword onto the flaming skull and drove him to the ground. At ground level Krangor and and Galthetes were waiting to end Mr Total Fuckwad Johnsons life. Krangor slashed and bashed it with his halberd, while Galthetes used all his adrenaline and slammed it twice with his holy sword of death. Mr Total fuckwad Johnson was no more… or was he? 

After killing the flaming skull the group could still feel a magical presence inside the skull. They began to try and crush it as much as possible and came up with all kids of ways to permanently kill Mr Johnson. Melfias then remember that holy water can permanently kill undead and luckily for us, Allora had one more bottle of holy water left. She splashed it on him and the last flick of flame in the skulls eyes went dead. The group had destroyed Mr Total Fuckwad Johnson, but at a heavy cost to their life force.  

The group rejoiced and began to explore the room they were in. Melfias went inside the non-active furnace and checked for any goodies and found some platinum beads! Maybe he can put them on a string and have some great fun with some classy escorts with the beads later. The group exhausted wanted to find a place to rest and ended the night.


Sixth Session - 6/9/17
Wave Cave Echo and Shia!!

Warning: Melfias was very drunk during this session and so many details might be off and or missing. Feel free to let me know to add in anything.

The group opened up todays session by making final preparations in Stowedton before they left for wave cave echo. Allora got some sweet holy water cause you never know what you are going to find at the bottom of a dark cave.

The group first went to check in on Cragmaw castle as that was along the way to see how their best friends Frank and Droop were doing. Sadly, when they arrived at the castle they could see signs of battle and all they could hear was silence. They ran into the kitchen to find Frank barely holding on to dear life and a few of the goblin servants dead. The group inquired about Droop and Sildar. Droop had apparently gone off to visit his parents while Sildar was in a room nearby also grasping for life. The group healed both of them up.

The group also found out that Sildar and the Goblins encountered the Black Spider, a drow wizard of impeccable talent who was the one behind originally kidnapping Gundren and Sildar as well as taking the map to Wave Cave Echo. The Black Spider told the group to stay away from wave cave echo. The group said fuck that attempted to kill the wizard. After several blatant misses from the group, someone finally hit and found the wizard to be an illusion. After getting things back together the group set out to do the opposite of what the wizard asked cause that is basically who the Vorpal Blades are. A rag tag group of rule breakers.

With the group ready, they went and hit the road. Along the way a little girl looking very rough ran up to the group shouting for help. She said some evil force was attacking her village and pleaded for help. After some debate on whether it was worth it to help them the group decided fuck it and went to the village. There they talked to her family about the missing people from the village and were told that the monster was somewhere in the forest. The group ran over to the forest to investigate.

Upon reaching the forest, they discovered that it was covered in a giant static aura that would hurt anyone using metal of any kind. Seeing as how most of our group used metal armor and weapons that basically left Fox and her bad ass panther, Panthery, to go investigate! 

Fox slowly and stealthily entered the forest and started to search around until they finally found what looked like a beast man eating some bones. Fox and Panthery attempted to surprise attack the wild looking man and were able to cause some damage. The man then went and tried to attack Fox. Fox ran up a tree to get some space between him and the man and was able to shoot him with her arrows. Panthery also went and clawed the shit out of him. Eventually the beast man decided the fight was not going well and tried to run away. Also, when he did this the aura of static disappeared and the group was able to run into the forest to help out. 

The group followed the beast man to a clearing that had a cabin. The group surrounded the cabin and inside they saw what looked like a human sharpening an axe. Gob thought the best course of action would be to burn him out of the cabin so we could finish him off once he got outside. Allora agreed and threw an alchemist fire at the cabin as well. She then climbed up on the roof to do a sneak attack from above. The rest of the group blocked the doors and windows. The beast man ran out of the cabin where he was met by a slice of Galthetes sword. Allora then jumped from the roof with the full force of her swords and body and slammed them into his back for critical damage! Soon after the rest of the group went and decapitated him. With his dying breath the beast called out " Shia…. Surprise….!"

With an audible sound of gasp the group came to realized they had just killed Shia Labeouf an actual cannibal! The town rejoiced at his death and praised the group for their good deeds, except for Muriel Cleaves because the party decided to berate and slap her around for answers instead of being, like, totally nice to her since her son died and all. The group made a deal with the town that they would help with the construction of cragmaw fort.  With that the group left and ventured forward to Wave Cave Echo!

Warning: This is where the alch really hit and details get cloudy

Upon entering wave cave echo the group found the remains of a dead dwarf. He was Gundro’s brother, Nundro. The group checked the corpses for loot and found some boots of striding! They let Melfias have them as they would allow him to use heavy armor with no restrictions. The group saw a rope leading down deeper in to the cave and went on in. 

They started to explore many of the caverns of the cave but hit repeated dead ends. Eventually they followed the trail to a pool of dark water that the group was too afraid to jump into. Gob reached around with his mage hand and found a skeleton beneath the depths. Fearing what lay beneath, the group then decided to backtrack to the cavern they dropped in on and head East. They eventually found a door and inside was a room with a lock box. The lock box was much too hard to crack open at the time so they deiced to drag it with them. 

Next they went to a room right next door and were ambushed by a group of skeletons and the group kicked the shit out of them. How i am not totally sure but ya everything is dead and we are ok so we must have done well.

Next we found a room that was filled with poisonous fungi. we ran across to the other side after checking the room for a bit and finding nothing. In the next room we found the ghost of what looked like a wizard. Allora wanting to try out her new holy water threw a flask of it at his face. It hurt him pretty bad and the rest of the group got in on the action. They killed the old ghost wizard and took his treasure. At this time the group and esp Meflias were starting to get very tired and decided to call it a night.


Fifth Session - 6/1/17
Cragmaw, Town stuff, and FRANK!!!

Cragmaw, Town stuff, and FRANK!!!

1 JUN 17

Note!! Anything with (()) means this action was done outside of the live session.

The group started off the session by finishing up their short rest in a room with a passed out dwarf. They chilled with the guy for about 10 mins while they patched themselves up and he slept peacefully in what seemed like a concussed state.

After the group was ready they began to try and wake him up. It was a little harder then expected but after a few smacks and having beer thrown in his face he finally was alert. He happened to be the dwarf, Gundren Rockseeker, who the group was on the look out for. He told us of a map that he had with him originally, but could not find on him at the moment.

The group tore the room apart and ended up finding it hidden under a bed. They also found a magical leather sack that held a ton of gold and could hold o so much more! Gundren requested the map be returned to him and the group debated for a while whether to trust the dwarf or not.

They also debated whether or not to bring the dwarf with him. Eventually Gundren forced their hand and tagged along for the duration of their journey. The group was starting to get a little full of NPCs, with Hooty, Pantherny, Gundren, and Droop all tagging along with the 6 actual cool people. They began to explore the rest of the castle…

The next room they entered was a run down church with 3 goblins praying to some whacked out goblin god. One of the goblins was obviously the leader and was saying how his god Msdahgwueihgegpiuhg would smite us. That obviously did not happen! Instead the group easily killed the goblins friends and then interrogated the leader.

After telling him about the damn owl bears and bear owls that were already dead, he finally gave some good info about a treasure inside a brazier(not to be confused with Dairy Queen!).

For being so helpful the group decided that it would allow the fanatic goblin to meet its precious God Mfiudfdsiuaghafg by stabbing the shit out of his belly. Inside the Brazier they found a statue of a half elf that allowed a person to get quicker movement! Huzzah! The group then continued on.

In the next room the group found many weapons and armors hung along the wall including short swords and cutlasses. They also checked out some crates and were able to find Sildar's gear and a bottle of dwarven brandy, containing twenty servings of premium spirits. The group finished checking out all of the rooms and decided it was time for the big showdown in the kitchen.

Upon entering the kitchen the group found a large fat goblin chef who introduced him self as Frank, 5 helper goblins, and 4 body guards. Frank invited the group to sit down and eat with them. The group was obviously apprehensive about this invite as the last time a random monster asked them to sit down for dinner they all got their faces melted off.

Frank said he wished to cause no harm and could hear the commotion. Melfias pulled out the lead bug bear's head with the crown mended to its skull so it wont fall off when using it for intimidation purposes.

Frank recognized the head and knew his boss had been killed. He again asked for the group to eat. The group said no at first but asked if the goblin was in fact a good cook. He said he was great but it was tough for him to perform with the shitty ingredients he was given at this castle. He mostly made things out of rats and trash, but stated if given the right ingredients and tools, he could fashion wonderful meals. He again asked the group to try his food.

The group started to trust Frank more and sent in the the group's food tester, Droopy, cause if he died people would get over it pretty quickly. He went in for a bite of the food and absolutely loved what he tasted… and he didn't die.

The group, starting to trust Frank more, asked if he would be interested in staying at the fort and could have room and board if he and his followers helps do repairs around the castle and became the castle chef. Frank excitedly agreed and to show his loyalty went and cut the throats of the 4 body guard goblins.

The group was pumped they had just become best friends with Frank the classically trained goblin chef! The group decided to party hard with the goblins for the night to celebrate their new friendship and everyone got to take shots of dwarven brandy and get sloppy drunk. It was a real bonding moment and I am sure will deter Frank from ever betraying the group. The group then left Frank 120 GP for repairs and payment for the goblins work, and left Droopy as the fort's consigliere.(Frank assured them that Droopy would remain unharmed) Satisfied with the state of the fort, they headed to town to return Gundren, Sildars gear, and deal with town's issues…

In town, the group returned Gundren to Sildar, and discussed their upcoming plans for Wave Cave Echo. Gundren wanted to help at Wave Cave echo to clear it out and find his brothers. Sildar wanted the groups help to further help the lords alliance and make things better for the town. The group also returned Sildars gear.

Sildar said he would need 7-10 days to recruit people to the cause of venturing into wave cave echo. The group then went on their merry ways and did their individual tasks. Also, many members of the group had put in orders for new armors and many of them arrived. Krangor got some bad ass plate armor. Melfias, Glathetes, and GOB all got really sexy breast plates! Woo WOO!

First and foremost, the group decided it needed to get rid of the mayor. He sucked, was not good for the town, and did not help the group at all. They devised a devious plan to get rid of him.

Using the spider letter they had found in the Red Brand house, Allora used her skills in forgery to make another letter stating that the Redbrands were planning on killing the Mayor. They also discussed potentially kill the mayors family, having Melfias fuck his wife and letting the mayor find out, framing the mayor for killing and fucking young orphan boys and then paying off an orphan boy to be a fake witness, somehow getting his kids taken from him, and basically any way they could to make the mayors life a living hell. These ideas mind you were though up exclusively by Jillian and Monica. If Tony and Nathan were ever to cross Jillian and Monica not even God may be able to help them. They will probably find them selves in a prison cell with Bill Cosby and Jared from Subway.

Anyways…. after bringing things down a notch and not involving children and/or rape, the group delivered the letter as is to him. Melfias told the mayor that the group could hide him out in their new fort while they get a boat prepared to ship him away to a distant land. The mayor agreed, but demanded that his family come with him. Another debate ensued very similar to the previous one but eventually we allowed that to happen and the mayor and his family were shipped out of town using Melfias's family connections.

With the mayor gone it was time for a new man of the people to rise the town ranks and Make Stowedton Great Again! Krangor went to the town clerk and met clark who also happened to be a cleric. He was given a form to fill out that needed 10 signatures to be able to run for Mayor. Krangor enlisted the help of Melfias and together they set out for signatures!

The first place they went to was visiting the town cleric that trained Melfias. Krangor told her of his plans to help the homeless orphans, increase security by building a wall and making the goblins pay for it, and increasing trade in the area. She eventually signed.

Next they visited the local item store. The owner said if he was allowed to move to the Cragmaw fort he would be willing to sign. They agreed.

Finally in a flash of brilliance Melfias said they should go and get signatures from the whores that Melfias had been frequenting. The hookers were very excited to see the pair of men and with a few coins were willing to sign the paper as well. They also gave free hand jobs on the side to both because they were paid a decent amount and actually did like Krangors plans for the future. Life was good.

With 10 signatures in hand Melfias and Krangor returned to Clark the Cleric Clerk and to hand in the form. He said that only 6 out of the 8 whores were legitimate citizens and he still needed 2 more signatures. This is when the group learned a very good life lesson: never trust bitches who suck dick for money. They asked Clark if he would be interested in signing and gave him the same spiel. He actually seemed interested in signing and stated both his wife and mistress in the other room would probably sign the form as well. Who woulda though Clark was a straight OG pimp. In the next room the two ladies were having cups of tea and agreed to sign the form as well. The task was complete and Krangor was on his way to becoming the next mayor of Stowed-ton!

Once the Mayor left town, Allora and Fox decided they wanted to investigate what the mayor had been up to. Allora went to his home which was pretty empty, but did find a shopping list and a fake gold coin with the mayors face on it.

Allora then left the house as there was nothing else of importance. Fox went to his office and found a bunch of useless files… but under his desk she found a torn up picture of a man with some cutesey writing on the back. Who was this mysterious man?

While at the Clark the Clerk's Office, Melfias started to find out who owned the land of Cragmaw Fort, and if he could take it over to start to build on it. There were some minor things that needed to be done but it didn't look like anyone could stop him. He then began preparing for the rebuild of Cragmaw Fort!

Melfias said for rights to the land, he would help protect the roads and the town of Stowedton. ((Clark offered his services to Melfias for keeping track of the books of the fort and after asking the local town people about the opinion of Clark he agreed. He also showed clark the mysterious coin the group had found in the Mayors safe and Clark said he knew nothing of it but would check to see if the mayor had been swapping out money with fake money and seeing if it circulated to any other near by towns.))

Allora then wanted to start to get into the practice of making and using poisons and visited the local thieves guild for someone looking to take on a new apprentice. She found a man who was willing to train her that had a disgusting face from all the fuck ups that come from making poison. Allora was willing to take the risk. She became a novice of using the poison kit!

Fox wanted to become a master of Alchemy and needed to find someone to become her master as well. The only known person she knew of was the wizard at the local magic shop. The wizard hated her and would never train her in such things. After digging deep and trying to find some inspiration she heard rumors of another man in town that was known to dabble in the alchemist arts. She went and visited him and she became a novice in the alchemist arts!

Galthetes was all excited to start to use his new smithing abilities by seeing what he could make out of the bodies of the worm monsters that attacked at Cragmaw. He went with Melfias to the local magic shop to see about the special properties of the monsters. The wizard said if he agreed to give him the innards of the bodies he could keep the outside and some magic dust to make a nice new set of bracers out of them. Galthetes agreed and was able to make a fancy set of bracers that reduced incoming damage! He also at the behest of Melfias agreed to make an iron collar that could fit around the neck of a dragon. What on earth could that be for?

GOB being the man of books went to the local library to do some research on the local Fauna and animals. He also was finally able to decipher the ancient runes on his trinket he had found, and discovered they had said to his delight "dead bird inside". He also went and tried to find out any information he could on the other trinkets that the group was carrying. He found a few sparse details.

Melfias's trinket might have to do with a demon or some sort of entity that possess. Fox's trinket looks like a regent for some sort of spell or magic. Galthetes's trinket belonged to an archmage who may be now a lich. Allora's obsidian was warm when generally it is supposed to be cool to the touch. Krangor's trinket was a doll. What will come of this information?!

As the group finished their in-town business, they spent one final night camping and discussing preparations for wave cave echo. While camping a white magical bunny appeared with the number 4 printed on its side. It also only kept saying 4!, 4! Not 5, not 3, but 4!!!

The group tried to befriend the rabbit but it clearly wasn't working. Finally they opted to lay some carrots on the ground. Fox went over and attempted to pick it up and pet it. As soon as she began to give it cuddles the bunny's spirit started to disperse and everyone all of the sudden felt a tiny bit stronger… strong enough to feel like LEVEL 4 BITCHES!!!! WOOO!!!

With the group all done and time over the group did final preparations for Wave cave echo!!












5/18/17 Fourth Session
Crawgmaw castle 1st half and Gob does a hell of a Job

The session opened up with the group meeting Gob, the high elf illusion mage, along the road and him deciding we seemed decent enough and could lead to some exciting stories. The group continued on the path to Cragmaw Castle. From the outside of the castle Fox and Allora decided to stealthily look into the windows of the castle to see what they could view inside. They saw some hobgoblins and bug bears and an alter where a few robed goblins were praying to their god, M[gfdyguidhgdfhgjkdsgsh. They also noticed a side door that might be a worth while way to get into the castle without being detected. Gob their new friend created an illusion at one of the windows so that the group was able to sneak by undetected.  Allora picked the lock to the door and then Allora, Fox, Pantherny, and Gobs best friend Hooty went up to the roof to scout what was going on inside. 

At the roof they used a crowbar to pull up some planks and peak their heads in. Soon after Panthery was able to smell owl and started to get excited. The group though he was smelling hooty.. little did they know how wrong they were. 

The main group continued on deeper into the castle while being directed by the scout team. They eventually found a bunch of barred up doors and Krangor had to use his might to break them down. The continued down the hall to another room with barred doors. They knew there were some sort of beasts inside and without a second though Krangor broke that door down as well. 

Inside stood 2 giant Owlbears and 6 little bitch ass bearowls. Seeing as how the Owlbear was part owl the group thought it would be a good idea to send fragile Hooty into the room with the owl bears to try and become friends. As hooty was just an owl and not a diplomat it did not go very well. As a last ditch effort Fox tried to use her animal acumen with them but it just pissed them off more. It was time for battle.

Krangor stood in the door way at the choke point as to try and tank the owl bears. It was very cramped and hard for the rest of the group to get any action so they all feel back and readied actions. All of the owl beasts tried to attack Krangor but only the little shitty bear owls were able to cause any damage. Soon after Gob used his bad ass bless to help out Krangor, Fox, Galthetes, and Allora. Melfias tried to faire fire the group of owl beasts, but as per tradition it missed. 

With the group backed up into a more open area the owl beasts made chase and began to get slaughtered. Krangor struck one and released his divine smite in its face. Allora sneak attacked another and really cause some pain. Fox and Galthetes also attacked the shit out of them. Gob used fire bolt to try to bring them down. Melfias sang his songs and sucked. One of the owl bears thought it would be a great idea to leap over the main group and try to crush Gob who was chilling in the back. Luckily, he failed miserable and smashed his face in the ground. The rest of the group ganged up and destroyed his soul. With the big owlbears taken cared of the group went after the stupid annoying bearowls and ruined them quickly. They then checked out the room from wince they came from for treasure.

Inside Gob and Galthetes noticed a treasure up high near the ceiling and they tried to slyly devise some way to steal it from the group. After spending about 5 mins trying to come up with some silly reason of why they needed to go to the roof Allora noticed the treasure as well and, to Gob and Galthetes dismay, the group decided to share its contents. They found some gold, potions, and scrolls.  They then continued on deeper into the castle.

In the next room Krangor and Melfias went into talk to the lone Goblin they saw. Melfias, with the help of Gobs illusions, tried to act as a harbinger from the goblin god Mahasioughiuhreqgiuavguixc. The goblin did not buy it and started to try and run away. Krangor chased him down and tackled him. The other 2 unseen hobgoblins in the room fired upon Melfias hurting him quite bad. The group rushed in and took care of them easily. The goblin that Krangor had tackled refused to help the group and instead called to its master that we were there. The master talked from his enclosed room saying we were all going to die. The group could hear footsteps coming for their room as their toughest battle yet was about to start.

There were 3 entrances into the room and the group was basically surrounded. Galtheres went to one entrance to hold them off, Krangor went to another, and Melfias stupidly stood in front of the last. The group quickly disposed of the first two enemies to show their faces, but little did they know there were many more behind them. Also, the bugbear king, his wolf, and drow companion came from their room to join in the onslaught. 

Gob tried to take care of these 3 new enemies by hitting them with grease which was pretty effective. It made all of them trip up and go prone. Sadly, right after doing such an awesome spell a hobgolin came in and crit smashed Gobs face in. He dropped harder then the Falcons win chances with 2:12 left in the 3rd quarter of a certain football game. 

Soon after they went after their next easy target… Melfias. Little did they know that knocking him out would have little to no effect on the outcome of the battle cause he had done shit the whole time anyways. But ya Melfias got BTFO. He stabilized him self though so he has that going for him. Sometimes though I think he wishes for the cold embrace of death to take him so he does not have to live his embarrassing life as a shitty musician any longer. 

With the group down to 4 people and a panther things were not looking good. Luckily the group used all of their resolve and might and started to turn the tables. Krangor and Fox were able to bring the pain to the bugbear with a crown and he dropped soon after. Then Galthetes and Allora brought down the wolf working with the goblin assholes. All this time a worm monster thing had been trying to attack Fox and just kept missing cause Fox has mad skillz. The group slowly but surely and by the skin of their teeth one by one killed the rest of the group of enemies. After the fight the group saw the dwarven brother being held captive in the room the bugbear came from. Exhausted they said fuck it lets take a 10 min rest before we talk to this asshole. And rest they did and it was the sweetest of rest for it was the rest that comes after victory that so closely was not.


5/4/17 Third Session
Dont fuck with Dragons

(warning I had written up a very detailed rebrand basement section then my computer lost it. I really did not want to rewrite the whole thing. Sorry here is a shorter version)


This session began with the group needing to clear out one more room in the Redbrand basement. The group put on their capes on, picked the lock to the door, and inside found 4 bug bears beating the shit out of a poor little goblin. The group tried to pretend to have been sent by Teddy, but the bugbears could smell their bullshit so Melfias initiated combat by casting Fearie Fire.  It went terribly. All the bugbears were able to dodge the spell and the only one affected was poor Kragnor who now lit up like a survivor of the Chernobyl disaster. The bug bears surrounded him and beat him within one inch of his life. The group realized they were fighting in tight quarters and ran back into a more open room. The bug bears followed all excited cuase they were currently winning the battle. BUT The tide was about to turn. As soon as they walked into the new room Hermoine paralyzed the shit out of two of them and made another go to sleep. Melfias trying to be an over confident dick tried to play with his food and suggested to one of the bug bears to go look in the monster pit for the run away goblin, hoping the monster inside would eat him. That did not happen. The rest of the group surrounded the paralyzed bugbears. All they could do was watch as halberds, scimitars, and daggers were slowly eviscerating their bodies. The group tore apart the two paralyzed bug bears. At Melfias' suggestion Krangor went off to go and push the bug bear near the monster into the actual pit. It did not go so well and broke his hypnosis and he attacked Krangor knocking him unconcience. Hermoine seeing this happen knew she had to defend her man. She conjured a fire bolt and blasted the bug bears face and dropped him. The rest of the group interrogated the sleeping bug bear who gave very little info and then killed him. They then went and talked to the poor pathetic goblin whose name was Droopy. He had no friends and was a sexual slave for the redbrands in the basement. The group took pity on droopy and Fox asked if he can come wiht us. The group agreed. Melfias then played a bitchin solo on his pan flute to make Droopy feel better and Melfias got his first groupy. 

Krnagor was healed soon after by Melfias and he noticed a treasure box in the monsters pit. Melfias made a deal with the monster to give him bodies for food in exchange for the treasure box. Inside was a Talon Halberd! Krangor took the halberd knowing this was his first magical item ever and he would go on to slay many foes and have great adventures with it!

The group knew it was time to leave and headed back to town. There they went to the mayors house and told him of what they had done to the Redbrands. He was not pleased. Sildar was also there and he was very excited. The group told him about the spider symbol and about glass staff. Sildar went to do more reaserch on this stuff and told the group to go and find a druid at a run down town to get info on Cragmaw Castle.

The group decided to call it a night and went to sleep in their rooms. When Galthetes woke up he found a note signed by TTG to meet him in a back alley behind the inn. Galthetes decided to go and to bring Krangor with him. The rest of the group would be near by in case anything went down. While there Galthetes met two figures in hooded cloaks. They said they had been the ons that really stole his money and they left the red cloth there to give him incentive to go and kill the Redbrands. They gave him back his 29 measly gold. They also said there were prices on his and Alloras head. They wanted Galthetes to work with them to keep the town safe. Galthetes did not trust this but had no real choice and decided to help them out. They said that we should go to Cragmaw castle as well. 

The group packed up their belongs and headed to the town where the lone druid was with no issue. When they arrived they could sense undead, humans, and see a vacant village with a large tower in the back. They decided to head to sneak up to the large tower. When they got close enough they could see a green dragon sitting atop the tower. As Krangor knew draconic the group decided that he should be the one to go and talk to him. He asked the dragon about the druid they were looking for and he said that he had been by recently. They also did not notice this dragon starting to smirk more and more as he gained the groups trust. The dragon invited the group into his tower for a nice friendly dinner and the group being a bunch of dumb asses decided sure why not go eat dinner up close with a dragon who smirks a bunch. 

Inside the group was sat at the finest run down table they had ever seen, with broken chairs and beautiful run down tower decor. The chef dragon offered the best stale bread and rancid milk the world had ever seen. This was a glorious dinner that the dragon obviously put a ton of time in planning for. The dragon was so sweet he even allowed Allora to get up REALLLLLLL close so that she make take some of his venom. The group again found this to be A-OK and got together and watched with excitement as Allora got right next to his mouth to get some of the venomous drippings. Just when Allora was about to get her first drop into the vial… the dragon became not so friendly anymore. It unleashed a huge acid breath attack on the group of dumb asses and melted everyones face off with highly corrosive acid. The only one to survive was Fox who was soon after chased down and destroyed as well.

Well that is the story of a group of dicks that enjoyed beheading anyone that crossed their path, that did a whole bunch of awesome shit, and then got raped in about 5 secs of hanging out with a dragon. THE END. THE SHOW IS OVER!

….or is it….

Out of no where, Krangors fancy new halberd which he never even got to swing, began to glow and shattered into a million pieces. Time magically reversed and the group found them selves back at the beginning of when they first got to town. The group had become slightly wiser and now had a severe case of PSTD of dragons. The group vowed to never go and eat with a dragon again even if it pinky squared double dog promised not to breath weapon their faces.

The group this time started to look into the other houses it had ignored before. Inside one of them they found an old man by peering into his window. The old man peered back very confusingly. The group asked if he was a druid and he said he was. The group introduced them selves and said they heard he could help them get to Cragmaw castle. The druid agreed he could help, but he wanted the group to go and kill the near by dragon on the tower. FOR SOME FUCKING REASON THE GROUP DEBATED FOR ABOUT 10 MINS IF THIS WAS A VIABLE AND OK THING TO DO. IT WAS NOT. THEY OBVIOUSLY HAD LEARNED NOTHING AND WAS WILLING TO WASTE THIER SECOND CHANCE AT LIFE. LUCKILY, the group said they could not do that at all and mentioned that they wanted to go and rescue the dwarf brothers and had talked to Sildar. This made the druids ears perk up and he agreed to help. He gave the group the exact location of the castle, a map, and some other detials, and like that the group was off again.

On their way to the castle the group was attacked by a group of 6 hobgoblins. After their embarrassment at the last area, they were they were determined to redeem them selves by cleaving the faces off all these hobgoblins. Even Droopy got in on the action. The Hobgoblins started things off by rushing up to attack poor Hermoine and Fox. They missed luckily and those two released their counter attacks. Hermoine paralyzed two of them and shocking grasped another that tried to attack her. Fox sent her new bad ass panther Panthery to attack another one. She fired arrows into thier skull. Krangor and Galthetes and Allora jammed their weappons really far up their collective assholes. Melfias did his stuff… you know singing, healing, and debuffing and shit. Whatever that fruit who does no damage likes to do. The group ruined these hobgoblins day. They received another map to Cragmaw castle… but they really didnt need it. The group ended their night at the steps of the castle ready to fight the dangers inside…..



4/22/17 Second Session (Marathon)
First time in Town, killing orcs, and meeting the red assholes

This session started out with everyone reaching level 2. Hazzah! We also were finally able to take our new Human friend, Sildar Hallwinter, whom we saved from the goblin cave to StowedTon with us. 

When we arrived, Sildar told us about the happenings of the town and the surrounding areas. There was a mage , Iarno Albrek, who was sent by the Lord's Alliance to set up shop at the town and help restore order, but he has not been seen in a while. Also, there was a mine, Wave Cave Echo, which MAY OR MAY NOT  be filled with magical items. To get to the mine, Sildar said that we should find the dwarf, Gundren Rockseeker as he has a map of the location of Wave Cave Echo. Sildar said hat he heard Klarg and the goblin gang talking about sending Gundren to Cragmaw Castle. Sildar then said that he would go into town to get some more information and to get us our damn money that is owed for delivering the goods and saving his dumb HUMAN  ass from the goblins.

Inside the town the group decided that they wanted to do a few things. Melfias decided to go and visit a local temple to see if he could begin training as a cleric. The cleric was a bit eccentric and some loved her while others seemed to fear her.  She said she would teach Melfias in the ways of the cleric if he went and did some tasks for her like getting rid of the red asshole guild that had taken over the town. 

Fox decided that her vial of nail clippings must be the most important discovery since sliced bread and wanted to talk to whoever would listen to her about them. She heard of an old wizard who could maybe give her some answers about them.  When she showed him the clippings he looked at her like she was deep down in the autistic spectrum and said to get out of his shop. Fox threatened him and demanded answers. She apparently forgot this guy was an old ass wizard and he owned her face hard with some paralyze magic. Luckily Melfias was near by and heard the commotion, apologized for his special friend, and dragged a stiff as a board Fox out of the wizards shop. 

Hermoine took her time to go study books. Huge shock. While studying Galthetes was interested in doing some research on a handkerchief he found with a wizards name on it. Hermoine tried to look this person up in the library and did find some info. He was a very old mage who may be dead now. He had some dealings with a Lich and has not been seen in many years. It didnt give Galthetes all of his answers, but it gave him a place to start. Hermoine continued her studies and read up about the local fauna in the area. 

Allora heard about a bank in town and wanted to go scope it out to see if there were any weaknesses in its security. She also found out that is where the head of the town lived. She did not find anything super helpful, but she at least had a target for her next robbery.

Krangor helped bring the cart into town and started to realize the town was filled with many children without homes which made him angry.

After the group did their individual tasks the group decided to go to bulbuss supply shop and bring them the merchant cart. The guy paid everyone for their services and was happy to have all the materials to help the town. He told the party of a nice inn to stay at that had excellent duck. He also said to go and visit the town master as he might have some work for us.

We decided to go to the town master who was a very skittish man. There was a poster of wanted orcs on the wall and the group inquired about it. He gave us a general location in the Krag and we also heard there might be a map there to the magical mine. Weirdly after accepting the job he told us whatever we do, do not mess with the red ass hole clan. This was a very odd request and made messing with the red ass holes a top priorities of the groups… after the orcs.  While there Fox and Allora decided to check the inside of the building out seeing if they could find a safe or where any money was stored. They could not. Fox decided to loiter around the outside of the building to scope it out some more and was awkwardly seen by the town master. She did a shitty job playing it off but the town master was a little bitch and was not going to call her out on it. 

The group then decided to go to the local inn and ask the towns people about the orcs and the red asshole thieves. Inside they met a man and a bar tender who told them that they did not know much about the orcs but there were a band of them and the general location. We also found out that everyone hated the red asshole clan and that they might be holding something over the mayor and that is why he did not want us to attack them. Soon after the bartender asked if we would like to hear a nice story from the local bard. Melfias was pumped as he appreciated very much seeing the craft of other bards.

A rickety old bard appeared and began to tell a story of an ancient evil that lives beneath the town and the legend of a group that stopped his evil once before. They used 3 stones, one each located in a different near by town to help in their fight. Ominous? foreshadowing? only time will tell

After that everyone decided it was time for bed. Melfias paid for rooms drinks, and food for everyone cause he is a boss and everyone else was poor as shit. Krangor and Hermoine got their own room where THEY. GOT. IT. ON. Galthetes demanded to have his own room cause he doesnt even trust his own shadow. Fox attempted to sleep with Melfias, but he did not trust her as they just met and she could be a gold digger trying to get some of his golden sperm to make an anchor baby. He got 4 hookers instead. Fox and Allora ended up sleeping with each other. MEOW!

In the middle of the night Galthetes woke up to find that all of his precious gold had gone missing. In a fit of rage he bashed open Alloras door and blamed her for the theft. She said hey fuck you I didnt take it I wouldnt waste my thief talents on a measly 25 gold that you had. He thought that actually made sense and went to wake up Melfias. When the door was opened the 4 fully pleased hookers were startled and ran away. Melfias angrily asked what was wrong and once Galthetes told him he said to ask Allora to go check him room out as she was good at that kinda stuff. In his room they found a piece of red cloth which obviously belonged to the red asshole club. Galthetes was ready to go and rip the town apart for his 25 gold. The group calmed him down reminded him they had already promised to go and kill the orcs . They promised that after the orcs were taken cared of they would come back and take care of the red douche bags. Galthetes reluctantly agreed. 

The next day the group got ready for their journey. They bought supplies before they left and Allora got some nice tools for thieving. The group rented a wagon and set off for their adventure. 

The group was soon attacked by a bunch of dumb ass mosquitoes. Melfias and Hermoine had the great idea of making an illusion of a dead animal that was on fire that the mosquitos might be interested in. They were for a bit till they realized it was fake and then they went back after the group.  The group then wrecked their shit and Fox was able to extract some poison from the mosquitoes for Allora. They continued on.

Next they were interrupted by a giant ogre holding a tree trunk as a weapon. Melfias tried to bargain with him by offering him a mace and 5 shineys. He didnt take it and it was a mistake…. for the ogre. Hermoine then made an illusionary chest filled with treasure to distract the Ogre. When the orge went to grab from the chest the group stabbed the ever living shit out of him. It was a blood bath. Krangor made him explode into a radiant mist with his divine smite. The ogres whore of a wife heard the commotion and saw the death of her husband, and in a rage she charged the group. Soon she met the same fate as her dim witted husband. An entire family killed in an instant. For good measure they took the orges head cause he wasnt going to need it anyways. They continued on. 

Soon they found tracks that looked like they belonged to orcs. Fox was able to track them back to a cave. Out side the cave was one lone orc on watch. Fox, Allora, and Galthetes tried to sneak up to the orc to capture him for interrogation. Galthetes was seen and the orc tried to make a break for the cave. Hemoine put that sucka to sleep in a blink of an eye. The group caught up to the sleeping orc and tied him up. They then questioned him about who and what was inside the cave. He was not that helpful and for his actions the group also took his head. 

Soon the group positioned them selves outside the cave and Allora took point as she usually does to scout the area ahead. Inside she found a group of 6 orcs, another ogre, and a lead orc. She got their attention and ran out of the cave while leaving ball bearings at the entrance. The ogre was the first to run out and he met his fate very quickly. The rest of the orc group were behind him. One slipped on the ball bearings while the rest poured out the cave. They surrounded Galthetes and knocked his ass out. The rest of the group was luckily able to fend them off and kill all of the orcs. They then went and as a trophy and proof of the kill took the orc leaders head. They then went and filled their pockets with all the treasurer and gold that they could. They sadly inside in the cave did not find a map or a dwarven brother.

Victorious the group headed back to town. Along the way the group decided to play a bit of victory stump and get drunk. A strange person appeared, and played with them.  The group was excited and didnt care and agreed to let him play. The group did all they could to fuck Melfias out of the game as quick as possible and it worked. Slowly it dwindled down until only Krangor and the strange man were left. The strange man was able to win the game, but as a parting gift for how Krangor played he gave him a magical mug that filled with beer once the keeper of the mug said stump. He then vanished. Weird. The group continued along their path.

There were some road blocks along the way like some wolves who wanted a piece, but Fox calmed them down and made them turn away. They made the right choice. They would have made a fine coat. When they got back to town they gave the master of the town the head and told him his issues were dealt with. For doing this the group got more gold and LEVELED UP TO 3!!!!!

Everyone got trained in new bad ass skills, hit points were raising, people were getting naked having sex in the streets. shit gets wild when people hit level 3! After that was done the group decided it was time to deal with the red band of dingalings. They were told they frequent the sleeping giant inn. The group headed there to investigate.

At the inn Allora wanted to use her new awesome grappling hook to climb up to the attic of the inn to see what was going on. Fox also snuck into the in through the back door. Allora was able to find some red cloaks that could be used as disguises. After waiting a while and getting bored the rest of the group decided to barge in and start to try and party with the crew of red fuckers. They were able to gain their trust by showing them this awesome new mug they had and bringing in a bunch of women for them to enjoy. They started to spill all their secrets like where they head quarters was, who their leaders were, and how they were holding the town hostage. The party then asked if they could join the group. The red uncle fuckers went and got their lead recruiter, Jim. He came back and gave the party a stupid hard task to join their crew that was never going to happen. For his dumb behavior the party decided it was time to end this night of fun and kill everyone. Melfias put the magic kill sign above Jims head and the group got ready to fight. During this time Fox wanted to go and scout ahead at the head quarters to see what she could find. 

While scouting at the head quarters Fox could hear the whimpers of what sounded like some sort of cat like animal. She got excited as she loves cats. She decided it would be best if the rest of the group was here before she went exploring further and she headed back to the Inn.

At the inn a brawl was happening. Hermoine was paralyzing people and Krangor was fucking them up. Galthetes was slicing dudes in half. Allora was sneaking around stabbing bitches in the face. But Melfias.. he was getting a little too excited. After killing the leader, Jim, and a few others Melfias deiced to intimate the rest of the group into a surrender by showing them the bag of heads the group had collected. They did and he had them all tied up. He began interrogating them one by one demanding to know what was at their head quarters, what traps there were, etc. and if people were to slow to answer he killed them. He killed 3 of them very quickly which made the last one start to have a panic attack. Melfias demanded a map of the house be drawn, but all he could do was scribble. Melfias had enough of his shit and kill him as well. With the little new info the group got they headed over to the red bitch club house. They ran in to Fox along the way.

Fox showed them the doorway she used to get into the house and the group began exploring. Going in the direction of the cat cause Fox was all giddy about finding a kitty. In the first room they found 3 coffins which they of coarse decided needed to be open so they could steal from the dead. The inhabitants of the coffins were not impressed and 3 skeletons attacked. They were wrecked in the face. The group continued on. 

They soon found a room filled with arms and armor. They kill the guys in the room and took what they wanted and continued on. The next room was a room filled with soldiers gambling. Using the red cloaks that Allora had collected from the attic of the sleeping giant inn the group disguised them selves to take part of the game. Allora tried to use her weighted dice to take advantage of the game… but it didnt work to well. As a way to make up for her mistake in cheating all of the red shit bricks had to die. And die they did. Allora got all her money back and then some. The group continued on.

In a secret hall, the call of the kitty cat began to grow louder. Fox could feel its presence was close. She soon found a fake wall and a secret rom behind it. There in a cage stood the most magnificent beast she had ever laid eyes on, Panthey the black panther. She called him down and released him from his cage. The panther was grateful but not ready to fight yet. He followed the group around as he did not know what else to do. 

The group continued into a secret basement room that was huge and had a ravine in the middle with a bridge. On the other side of the bridge hidden behind a pillar, Allora saw a mysterious figure. Using telepathy the figure told her if she left him alone she would give her gold. She accepted and she found a mysterious chest filled with gold. The group did not really  notice it and they continued on in to a bedroom that was obviously the living quarters of a wizard. They found a little mouse inside the room who ran off as soon as they entered. Inside they found some sweet items and treasurer.  They found that this was the room of the wizard Yarno, the one told to watch over the town for the trade guild. Why would that wizard have a room with the red sluts? things were starting to get interesting… and this plot is getting realll reallll thick.

4/7/17 First Session
Creation and first Meeting

This session started with all players forming the details of their back stories. You can read each story by clicking the following links:







After this was completed and every found out who they loved, hated, and what weird trinket we started the game with and guess what they were for. Like those clippings what they hell are they going to do?

Play started with all the PCs, but fox in the town of rockton meeting with two dwarves. They had a job for the party to bring a wagon of supplies to the town of Stowed-ton. The group agreed to the task. The dwarves headed out first as they had to make arrangements at Stowed-ton while the rest of the group began travel with the wagon. 

Shortly, into their journey, Fox, noticed the traveling wagon and also the goblins waiting in ambush. Before the Goblins could attack Fox shot an arrow though one of the Goblin archers skull. The rest of the goblins began their assault of the wagon and the party got ready for a fight. Fox decided to help out the party as she recognized someone in the group and they were attacked unprovoked. 

The party beat the shit out of the 4 goblins. Hermoine shot a fire bolt right through a goblins chest, Krangor threw an axe into another ones head, and Allora got off a few sneak attacks but got slightly injured. The group kept one goblin alive who told them of a cave where they were keeping all the loot they had been stealing from passing carts. They also noticed that there were 2 dead horses in the street. They investigated the horses and realized they belong to the two dwarves that had set out to Stowed-ton ahead of them. They also saw a trailed of dragged bodies off in the direction of the cave the goblin talked about.

After much debate the group decided to go to the cave. First though, Fox wanted to scout ahead and took the goblin with her for directions to the cave and to make her aware of any traps. She found the cave which was 5 miles away. She then killed the goblin that gave her the info as he was a liability.  She ran back to the group to let them know what she had found. The group decided to head to the cave after they were able to convince Galthetes that there was money to be had in the cave and they wouldn't get paid if the people that gave them the job were dead. What a dick face.  Tony played some music to try and calm the group, but he sucked and just made the group more angry.

The group arrived at the mouth of the cave which was surround by a thick brush. Fox, Hermoine, and Allora decided to sneak up to see what they could find. They found 2 goblins in a tower and they were able to kill them before the realized what was happening. They then sent Allora up ahead to scout and see if they could find a mysterious bridge that the goblin had mentioned, that was set on fire if they found invaders. Instead she found a room with 3 wolves. Fox being the animal lover that she was went up to them to calm then down, which she gave them a red rocket, and then Krangor pulled out their chains and released them. The wolves ran out of the cave very happy.

In the back of the wolf area there was a poop chute chimney. Allora snuck up it to see what was on the other side, and there she found the bug bear who was the boss of the goblins. The group devised a plan to have Hermoine place an illusion of treasure near the poop chute to distract them while the rest of the group went to attack from behind. Krangor would guard Hermoine. When fox shot an arrow at the near by wall they knew to set off the trap. 

The rest of the group continued down the cave until they found a bridge. This must be the bridge that goes on fire they thought! The group could see a Goblin at the top of the bridge with an axe, probably to cut the bridge down. Allora decided to climb up to the top of the bridge sneak behind the goblin and attempt to take him out. She missed terribly. The other members tried to shoot arrows at th goblin. They also all missed. The goblin yelled flood and water started to rush down the cavern. Allora, fox, and Galthetes were able to climb up to the bridge with no issues, but the unathletic Melfias was not so lucky. He was not able to get up in time,but luckily was able to acrobatically dodge the rushing stream of water. He was able to get pulled up to the bridge and was safe. The only issue was that all the goblins now knew the party was there. 

Fox went and fired her arrow at the wall to signal to start the trap from Krangor and Hermoine. She next went first into the new room and saw 3 goblins ready to fire their arrows into her.  She was able to hit one of them. Next Allora entered the room and tried to attack a goblin, but missed. The goblin soon after hit her and caused a moderate injury.  Galthetes was next and went and butchered a goblin. Stabbed the mother fucker right in the face. He felt like the man. Melfias was able to go soon after and tried to viciously mock the poor goblin. Instead he complicated the goblin and the goblin felt even stronger then normal. He was able to heal up Allora which was helpful. The goblin then attempted to shoot at fox, but she dodged, returned fire, and killed another Goblin. The final goblin was taken out by an Allora sneak attack while the goblin was attacking Fox. 

Meanwhile with the other pair, Hermoine knew it was time to set her trap. She made a giant golden statue appear near the shoot and Krangor tried to sneak up behind it. Krangor is not so great at sneaking as he is a giant pally in heavy armor and was seen. The bugbear, his pet wolf, and the two goblins decided it was time to attack. Hermoine went and got into a corner with Krangor protecting her. Krangor tried to attack the bug bear but missed but was still able to protect Hermoine. Hermoine began chanting her first major spell ever, Sleep! She casted it on the bug bear and the wolf, but was only able to put the wolf to sleep, but still it was enough. With the rest of the group having taken out the 3 goblins in the other room they began to converge on the bug bear. Melfias was able to cast his first power spell as well, Dissonant whispers! The spell hurt the bug bear and made him run around wildly while giving Krangor another chance to attack… which he missed. No matter! Fox and Allora were able to storm into the room and finish off the bugbear before he could do any real damage. Then as a team building exercise everyone decided to surround the sleeping wolf and stab the shit out of him. Wolf be dead. Like really really dead. 

Krangor, the paladin, a warrior of light then decided the best coarse of action would be the cut off the fucking bugbears head to show proof to the locals that he was dead. Brutal. The group then cut off the bug bears fucking head. Allora meanwhile saw a treasure chest and went to open it. Inside she found a jade figurine, 2 health potions, and money totally about 17 gp. She snuck the 2 health potions into her pocket while Galthetes watched cause she is slick like that. He did not notice. She then showed the group the money and the figurine which was determined not to be magical. The group decided to explore the rest of the cave as they had not found who they were looking for. In another room they found one of the original dwarves they had gotten their task form. He was badly beaten and a goblin held a knife to his neck. Hermoine took the head and said to let him go or their will have the same fate as their leader. She also started to juggle a fire bolt around her fingers to show she meant real business. Melfias also made angry faces to help be intimidating. The goblin agreed if he was allowed to live and leave the cave he would let the prison go. They followed him to the mouth of the cave and he did as he said he would. The group was elated to have everything go pretty smoothly and decided to take loot the cave and bring back the supplies to the wagon. They also took a rest as they deserved one.


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5. Write your first Adventure Log post

The adventure log is where you list the sessions and adventures your party has been on, but for now, we suggest doing a very light “story so far” post. Just give a brief overview of what the party has done up to this point. After each future session, create a new post detailing that night’s adventures.

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