Stowed-ton Adventures

9/16/17 - Thirteenth Session
Side questing and too many espresso martinis

WARNING THIS NIGHT WE MADE ESPRESSO MARTINIS. I HAD ABOUT 7-8 OF THEM. THERE WILL BE MANY MISSING OR CLOUDY DETAILS

The group started up by interrogating the last ogre that was left over from the battle. He didnt have many details to offer the group, but Galthetes though it might be fun to ride him into battle. The ogre agreed to allow him self to be chained up to the cart and help pull everyone around, and when Galthetes wanted to, he could use him as a battle mount. 

The group then continued on their way along the path and came across a wandering merchant who was traveling with some mercenaries. Gob sense that a wand of his was magical and created magical items. The group wanted it and debated if they should kill him for it or do an actual trade for it. After a bunch of back and forth the group decided to do a trade and gave him a dragon head, heart, and 200 gold in return for the wand. The merchant happy with the trade traveled off. The group excited to see how this new wand worked tried it out. It instantly created a new magical wand and the old wand died. The group tried it again and the same thing happened. The group had gotten a wand of magic wand creation. the group was PISSEDDDDDDD. They decided to turn their cart around and go hunt down this merchant. 

The tracked him all the way into the near by woods, until they found a place where the trails split into three. The group sense where some humanoids were and decided to go that way. They found a lone monastery out in the woods. The people living in there claimed to be of the enclave. Fox got really excited about this and they had a long ass pow wow and talked for a while. About what I have no idea but i am sure it was important and Fox can give you all the details. 

The group, now really pissed off, decided to just head back along to their original destination. There they found the harper contact that Gob was supposed to meet. The contact showed Gob his network of teleportation devices that would allow easier travel for the group around the map. This was actually pretty awesome and would become very helpful.

Next the group headed up to where Fox was supposed to get her bow. We couldnt find the guy with the bow, but found out he traveled to another city that our new teleportation system could get us to instantly. We got to that city and Fox using her bad ass investigation skills found the house of the guy she was after. Inside she found her nice new bow and 1000 gold.

After that the group returned to Cragmaw castle and gave Frank the 10,000 gold in black mail money the group had stolen from the trust fund brothers. That will bring them much closer to their goal of rebuilding the castle. The group then went back to triboar and then continued north.

The group went to the place where Alloras assassin was supposed to be. Out of no where she started to get hurt badly by wind. The group could not see the invisible enemy. Krangor started swinging wildly and was able to hit the cloaked assassin. He ran away and the group healed up their wounds. Melfias was dumb and forgot to use fairie fire to make invisible enemies into focus.

The group packed up their shit and ran away as well. They went up to help Krangor with his friends quest. There they found the wanted dwarf. Krangor used zone of truth on him and interrogated him to confirm he was in fact the dwarf from the wanted posted. He used hold person on the dwarf and tied him up. The group then dragged him to the local authorities. The group was given 5,000 gold as an award!

Somewhere along the way Gus got a new flying cat as a pet. Also, we tried to communicate with the flying castle by saying that we had Fox here with us. They sent us back a message that was written in gibberish. We learned a ton about the history of giants and the pecking order and how they dictate who has power.

It was at this time that your unscrupulous author began to feel the affects of the martinis and went and threw up. He did make it to a toilet and did throw up on purpose, and it was a good thing he did as it helped him greatly the next morning. Fox was also passed out by this time. Melfias went and snuggled up next to Fox and both went to sleep prematurely ending the session. This was the best and worst session we have ever had. There are many details I am missing from this recap. Also, we got to see Allora dance on you tube that was great. And we debated if 4 people are having sex is it a 4some or an orgy. The world may never know.

NEXT TIME ON VORPAL BLADE ZZZ!!! HOPEFULLY IT WAS BE MORE COHERENT THEN THIS!!!!

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Twelfth Session - 9/4/17
Letters, Questing, and Choosing a Path

This session opened up in the aftermath of our last great battle against the hill giants. We had managed to protect the town and we discovered what the giants were going after. On one of the giants we found a rod of finding that led us to a 11 ft adamantine rod. We had no idea what the purpose of it was, but we figured it must be important if many giants were willing to sacrifice their lives for it. We discussed excavating it and storing it in the town with the town leader. They agreed to help.

The town leader then told us all she was a part of the group known as The Harpers and she needed our help. They were a group of people that worked in the shadows for the betterment of the citizens of the country. She needed us to bring a badge to a half orc located in a distant city. We agreed to help.

The rest of the group that still had a living friend that they fought the battle with, were each given a request. Melfias was to go and bring leather products to a nearby town. Gob was to bring the badge for the Harpers. Fox was to go and find a weapon master about a nice bow of giant slaying. Krangor was to go and collect on a very large bounty. 

While in town the group also got mail from their friend, Clark from Stowedton. Krangors letter was about Neverwinter requesting troops and workers to help along the sword coast. He agreed to send the skilled workers working on Fort Cragmaw to the Sword Coast. Fox discovered that her grandfather had passed away, but left a great treasure for her somewhere. Gus got an SOS message from an old teacher of his from a near by town. Galthetes got a letter. Not much else is known. Allora got death threats from the thieves guild. Melfias got a letter from his parents which he fully ignored. 

After the group rested up and helped out the town for a bit. They needed to decide where to head next. On one path to the north they could help out Krangor and Allora in their quests. If they decided to go to the East they could help out Melfias, Gob, and Fox with their quests. It was decided for the good of the group to head to the East and help out Gobs friend with the SOS message first.  

The group arrived at the town listed on the letter and were stopped by some guards. They demanded to look through our stuff for any contraband. After some disagreements on whether we should allow this or not the group relented and let them look. They found nothing and we were allowed inside. We went to the chapel and found George an old teacher of Gob's. He began telling Gob about how he got caught up with a local group called The Krakens, and they had his family hostage. He owed them some sort of debt and to get out of the debt he had to smuggle in three creates into the town. The group asked about the crates, but got no extra information. The group decided to help out anyway. 

Back outside the group found the three creates near a river. After some discussion they decided that the best coarse of action was to hide the creates in Alloras bag of holding, then kill a deer and stuff the bag inside the deer. Fox went out and hunted for the nearest deer and the plan was in affect. The group stuffed the bag real deep inside that deer and went back to the guards.

The guards seemed much more interested in searching the group then last time. The did very invasive searching and somehow found a bag of fairy dust in the back of the cart. Everyone looked at Melfias thinking it was his, but he promised he did not place it there. The guards demanded 200 gold to overlook the indiscretion. After trying to negotiate with the guards the group forced Gob to pay up the 200 gold cause this was for his friend. He agreed. 

Inside the group met up with George, who brought everyone to a sketchy looking house. Galthetes and Gob took out one of the crates and went down into the basement with George. At the bottom landing was a locked door with a peep slide that opened. George said some weird words and the door was opened. Inside they found a man with a hooded robe on. He said he was the darkness and all kinds of other weird emo shit. He demanded to have the other two creates brought to him. Melfias and Krangor brought them down. He then said that George's debt was paid. Gob began to talk to The Kraken member about potentially hiring him for an assassination attempt and he gave us his calling card for the future. The group left with George and headed back to the church.

George seemed like he was happy to have this task done and relieved for his family. With nothing else going for him the group invited him to stay with them at Fort Cragmaw among the goblins. George would agreed if he could bring his family and if we hired some mercenaries to watch him during his travels. Gob ponied up about 200 gold for this. The group then got 1200 gp from George for for filling the task, 200 of which he stole from the church collection plate. The group didn't care where the money came from and then left the town.

The next town the group went to was a hunting village near a forest. Melfias ran right into town and found the person he was supposed to deliver the saddles to. He got his money and got to keep the cart he was given to deliver the merchandise. While Fox went around to the locals to see if they knew anything about her grandfather. One guy mentioned that he had heard his name before and they he had been seen talking with a wizard in a floating castle. Fox began trying to investigate whatever she could about this castle. She found someone from her group, The Emerald Enclave, and he said he had seen the castle land a couple times in some near by areas. 

While staying at the inn the group met 3 brothers who were going out to hunt for hill giants. That is a pretty extreme thing to hunt, but the group wished them good fortune and they went on their way. After spending the day in the town the group decided to rest up for the night. There was a curfew in the town and if you are out past it, some bullshit hunter ghost attacked you, but the group didn't have time for this crap so they just went and got a good nights sleep.

The next morning while trying to leave, they noticed that two of the brothers returned to town and they looked like they were in rough shape. Melfias went to talk with them to see if they were ok. He asked them where the third brother had gone and they said a hill giant had killed him and also had attacked them. He then showed his wound which he claimed came from a giant club. Fox sent Panterny MD over to lick the wound and make it all better. He noticed something was fishy and brought it to Fox attention. The group noticed the wound was much to small to be from a club, but looked like a hit from a thin sword like a rapier that the brothers were using. Melfias demanded to know the truth of what happened and the brothers spilled their guts. They had made a brotherly pact to go out into the woods and hunt hill giants and whoever killed one first would get all of their families inheritance. The missing brother had killed one, but the other two brothers didn't want to give him their inheritance, so they killed him.

This disgusted Melfias and the rest of the group. Melfias demanded some details on the inheritance involved and wanted some hush money. They agreed to pay up 10000 gold to the group to keep them quiet. The group agreed and they followed the brothers back to their room where the gold was hidden. Once inside Allora took over and sliced both of their throats and searched the room. They were able to find some documents on the inheritance. She also took their faces as she might be able to make it into a disguise. They then cleaned up the room and put the bodies into the bag of holding. They then went to the near by inn and slept till the following day.

The next day the group continued on their path to the next town in need of their services.  Along the way they found a hill giant walking the road picking up random debris. The group planned a trap that was sure to work! Allora unloaded the two dead brothers bodies in the middle of the road and Melfias used prestidigitation to make the smell of the bodies entice the hill giant. Then, Allora and Fox held a rope to try and trip the giant while Krangor and Galthetes hid behind them ready to pounce on the coming hill giant. Gob and Melfias hung out in the back ready to sling some spells. 

As soon as the group tried to spring the trap the giant saw Krangor and ran right for him. Krangor and Galthetes ran behind the rope and the giant followed tripping of the rope. Allora ran up a near by tree that appeared out of no where and jumped down with all of her might slamming her venomfangs into the back of the giant. Krangor started letting off smites and Galthetes slashed his way through the hill giants face. A few feet away a group of 3 orges and 4 bug bears appeared as they apparently had been following the hill giant as well. Melfias ran up and cast shatter right in the middle of the group hurting all of them. Gob released some grease to trip them up. The rest of the group ended the hill giants life. Fox and Panthony ran into battle and began to claw and shoot at the ogres. Melfias let off another shatter and Gob released a devastating barrage of scorching rays. Soon all that was left to stand in their way was one lonely ogre who was hurt, prone, and covered in grease. Melfias asked him if he wanted to die or live and to start telling him everything. The ogre screamed at the sight of the intimidating bard and began to spill all of his secrets. 

NEXT TIME ON VORPAL BLADEZ Z WHAT WILL THE OGRE SAY?! WHY WAS HE WITH THE HILL GIANT?! HAVE YOU EVER DREAMED OF CASTLES IN THE SKY?! DOES ALLORA REALLY KNOW HOW TO WEAR SOMEONES FACE? HOW IS FRANK DOING?? I FEEL LIKE WE HAVENT HEARD FROM HIM IN A WHILE. THE GM ADDED SOME REALLY NICE TOUCHES THIS WEEK WITH LETTERS PRINTED OUT FOR US AND REAL TRINKETS. MAJOR KUDOS. ALSO THE NEW MAP IS BAD ASS! WILL WE FIND OUT MORE ABOUT THAT GIANT GIANT'S DILDO WE FOUND BURRIED AT TRIBOAR?! FIND OUT THIS AND MORE ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF VORPAL BLADES Z!!!

 

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Eleventh Session - 8/10/17
Giants, Orcs, and Flaming things OH MY!

This session began with the group meeting their new best friends that would accompany them around town. The peace around the town did not last long as soon after getting our new found friends, it started to rain boulders from the sky. Hill Giants were seen in the distance throwing stones at people and homes. Also, there were orcs riding axebeaks running around town slicing up civilians. It was time for The Vorpal  Blades and their new found friends to to deal with this unsightly menace. Melfias played his war drums to increase morale of the town villagers and the fight began.

The battle started with two hill giants far from the group throwing rocks and little balls of flaming rock appearing around the town. Allora ran up a near by house to deal with one of the flamers, while Krangor ran over to deal with the other flamer on the other side of the town. Galthetes and his partner ran to the front lines and splashed oil in the streets to hopefully trip up the giants as they came closer. Fox, her partner, Melfias partner, Gob, Gobs partner, and Panthery all ran to the near by fort to get better line of sight and to shoot ranged attacks at the coming foes.

Allora was able to get a good hit on the flamer and Melfias partner was able to finish him off with an arrow. Krangor was able to also destroy the flamer that he was trying to ram with his long stick. Fox and her partner began shooting arrows at the hill giants that were tossing boulders. One giant tossed a boulder for Galthetes, but missed and crushed another poor civilian. Galthetes used the rock as cover and shot things with his longbow. Many orcs riding Axebeaks appeared around the town and starting slaughtering the fleeing town folk. 

Allora, taking none of their shit, jumped from the top of the house she was on, did a triple lundy in the air and landed, shanks first, into an orc riding an axebeak. She was able to knock the orc off the mount and take control of the mount herself and briefly tame it. She also did heavy damage to the orc. Her and the mount then proceeded to slice up the injured orc. The mount got pissed at Allora and bucked her off and ran off because it was also badly injured, but not before the orc died. Allora then went and positioned her self on top of the house laying wait for his next prey. She had her partner hide in an alley as he was a weak sorcerer that could die very easily. Her partner finally wanted to try his best and cause some havoc so he ran out into the open and shot a witch bolt at a near by hill giant. Sadly, it was not enough to kill the hill giant and the giant crushed the poor frail wizard like an ant under a shoe. The sorcerer died but his actions would not be in vain.

Fox and her partner stayed in the confines of the roof of the small fort, plucking arrows and shooting giants and orcs in the face from safety. She sent out Panthery to attack some of the mounted orcs from the ground and they were able to land many coordinated attacks mixing claw and arrow in perfect harmony to cause massive damage helping the group.

Gob began the fight by blessing Allora, Galthetes, Krangor, and Galthetes partner. He then had his partner jump onto her near by war horse and she went off and attacked the orcs around the town kicking them in the face with the horses hooves and ending lives with her great sword. Gob used Hooty as his spell vessel and shocking grasped a couple giants. He then moved up and used scorching ray to great affect on a group of orcs killing one in the process with scorching licks of flame that melted away their leathery skin. 

Krangor went in balls deep to the front lines and attacked the rushing in orcs. He was able to dodge many attacks but did take many blows, but remained standing as a true tank does using every ounce of his life force. He slashed many orcs with both ends of his polearm, while laying down a few divine smites. He partner snuck in the shadows behind him and was able to sneak attack a few orcs as well. He took some great damage though and had to run back to hide from certain death. 

Galthetes stayed hidden behind his boulder shooting arrows from his long bow doing his best impression of Fox that he could. His partner, who has a giant rage boner for orcs and giants, ran right into battle with the orcs and began crushing heads. He caused much damage and fought valiantly against the things he hated most, but eventually he succumbed to the onslaught and dropped. His actions will not be forgotten as he did much to help save the town.  Galthetes eventually mustered up the courage and ran into the front of battle and went toe to toe with a fire giant. He drew his two shining cutlasses and unleashed a flurry of attacks to one of the fire giants. He made the giant trip and just continued to pummel him while he was on the ground. Galthetes was back in his natural habitat and all felt right in the world again for him. That was until he just took much of a beating from the orcs and giants and dropped. He did well to cling on to life though until Melfias was able to get near by and give him a heal to get him back on his feet.

Melfias got in the middle of the group and did his best to control the enemies and heal the group. He used his mean cutting words to make some enemies miss their mark and not attack his allies. Melfias told his partner to go up to the tower with the rest of the archers and to shoot arrows to support the group.  Reluctantly his partner agreed. The partners first shot actually was able to kill a flamer and his partner was filled with pride. In fact he would not shut up about it for the next 10 mins. He continued proclaiming how great he was, instead of helping the group, because of one easy kill against a floating fire rock. Melfias really did not like that guy, but a kill is a kill. Melfias got back to work trying to keep the enemy at bay. Another fire giant had shown up that was very close to the front lines and he knew they could cause great damage to his friends. Melfias created a phantasmal force of water snakes that covered the fire giants skin. The fire giants spent the majority of the fight thinking it was being eaten by water snakes and concentrated on pulling them off herself instead of attacking the group. Melfias also was able to release some heals to help keep his friends alive. Melfias then used his power of command to control the mind of two Hill Giants to belly flop on to two unsuspecting orcs, crushing one, and making the giants fall prone in the middle of the streets.

Slowly but surely, the tide of battle began to turn. The Vorpal Blades were doing their jobs and doing them well. Gob went to where the hill giants were laying after doing their belly flop and noticed it happens to be in the oil that Galthetes had splashed on the streets. He then made some grease to connect the oil patch to where the other giant was also laying down. Allora then dropped a flask of alchemy fire into the oil and set ablaze the two prone giants burning their sagging fatty flesh.

Out of no where 8 new flamers appeared and surrounded the front lines of the group and Allora. The group killed one of them and found out these flamers exploded upon death hurting all those around them. Gob released magic missiles at the two that were near Alloras position, killing them quickly before they could do any real damage. There were still 4 left surround Galthetes and Krangor and they couldn't attack them without killing them selves. 

Melfias knew what actions he had to take to help the group survive. He yelled for his friends to disengage from the flamers and he moved close enough to get off a spell that will change the tide of the battle. Without a second though he released a shatter spell which instantly killed the 4 flamers, but 3 of the explosions hit Melfias. He was able to dodge some of the damage, but it still took a great toll on his life. Also, he lost concentration on his spell of phantasmal snakes and the other fire giant was now back in the fight. 

The two remaining hill giants then surrounded Melfias getting ready to beat his brains in. Melfias then used command on the two hill giants and the one flame giant causing them to do a giant pig pile on each other. This allowed Melfias to escape and set up the rest of the group to attack prone enemies. Pantherny, Allora, Krangor, Galthetes, and some of the new partners moved in on the hill giants, with arrow support from Fox and her merry group of archers in the tower. They were able to quickly take down one of the giants, while Gob finished off the other one with another set of scorching rays that proceeded to burn the last hill giant down to the bone, causing him to die while his horrific screams pierced the ears of everyone in the town.

The group getting tired and desperate then went to kill their only remaining foe, the now sane female fire giant. The fire giant was pissed at the group and went to crush the leader of the town. He was able to crush the town leaders body with her burning club and the town leader dropped. The group mourned her loss, but in return brought sweet destruction upon the fire giant. Melfias using his shiny new wand of magic missile killed two more flamers and attacked the flaming giant.  Krangor, who was barely holding on by a thread, mustered up all the energy he could and plunged his polearm into as hard as he could, into the fire giants stomach. The Hlaberd tore through her flesh and her muscles, rupturing her small intestines, and coming out through her spinal column. It was enough to bring down the hulking fat flaming bitch who dropped like a dysfunctional new years eve ball. 

With the fight over and with not much time to spare the group used their scroll of revivify on the fallen town leader as someone had to take control of the situation now that the current giant menace was slain. The group exhausted, driven to the brink of life, but alive, decided it was time for a rest. They could deal with the ramifications of what happened during this fight after some punch and pie… and sleep.

NEXT TIME ON VORPAL BLADE Z!!!! GIANTS REALLY SUCK WOW! AND THAT WASN'T EVEN THE QUEEN OF THE GIANTS! THESE WERE JUST SOME NORMAL, ALL THOUGH FLAMING, SHITTY GIANTS. SHIT IS GETTING REAL. GALTHETES DROPPED AND WE LOST 3 ALLIES, BUT BROUGHT ONE BACK TO LIFETHATS NOT TO TERRIBLECOULD BE WORSE! WILL MELFIAS AND HIS DUDE KIss AND MAKE UP? MAYBE ITS TIME TO PULL OUT THE ANAL BEADS AS A TOKEN OF SORRINESS? WHAT MYSTICAL CRAZY QUESTS WILL THE SURVIVING NEW ALLIES GIVE US?! BETTER BE GOOD WE ALMOST JUST DIED FOR THEIR DAMN TOWN! FIND OUT ALL THIS AND MORE ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF VORPAL BLADE Z!!!

 

 

 

 

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8/5/17 - Tenth Session
Debate, Silly Incestuous Cottontails, and GIANTS!!!

Warning I was drunk for this session so details might be… skewed…

This session began with Fox returning from her private quest of god knows what, with her warning the group of a band of giants pillaging along the country side and attacking a village. She stated that she believes the giants were headed for Stowedton and they were also killing all the trees and animals in their path. She demanded the group go right away to solve this issue, but the group had other plans. 

The rest of the group had been working diligently on making Krangor the mayor of Stowedton and they had their own problems to deal with. After claiming the goblins were people too, a family was attacked by a group of them on the road and it upset the town folk of Stowedton. The group went to investigate the attack sight and found some interesting clues. They found what looked like new bloody armor that could fit a goblin which is a very rare thing. They also found many human tracks along with goblin tracks at the site. The group decided that they should go and question the local leather smith to see what he knew.

While Melfias, Allora, and Fox went to question the leather smith, Gob was working on a secret quest from the town wizard that no one else knows about. Galthetes spent his time turning the dragon claws from Venom fang into Venom Shanks for Allora, and Krangor continued his pursuit of becoming mayor by helping out the Poor and kissing babies.

Melfias, Allora, and Fox went to visit the leather smith to get some answers. They begun questioning him on the new leather armor and everyone could sense he was holding something back. Melfias began to threaten his life for information and the leather smith start to spill like a New Orleans levee. He said that he was contracted to make the armor by the Cottontail brothers and told us where their house was. Melfias, Allora, and Fox went to go and visit these newly discovered brothers.

In the dead of night, Melfias hid outside away from where the action was, while Fox and Allora used their skills of skulduggery to break into the house. They found no one inside when they entered and began searching for information. In a desk they found a letter in a language that they could not read, but kept it as it seemed suspicious. They also found a locked safe behind a painting. They went searching for the key and found it hidden near the bed. Inside the safe they found a ledger also written in the same language as that mysterious letter and a picture of the two brothers naked, giving each other reach-arounds. The brothers were obviously very close. The group took all of the info and decided to confront the brothers when they got home. 

The next day both brothers got home and the group began their interrogation. The brothers were not giving away any answers so Melfias and Fox took it to the next level. Melfias cast hold person on one of the brothers and Fox had her panther go and place its claws next to his junk. Melfias threatened to have the panther castrate the brother unless he started to spill his info. The brother afraid to lose both his lover and brother began to speak. 

Krangor was able to translate the found letters as they were written in Draconic, which Krangor specialized in. He discovered that the Cottontail Brothers were working with the Seinfeld group of the Lords Alliance. Something foul was afoot and the group knew somehow Fatman was connected.

After this was finished it was time for the big debate. While Krangor and Gob prepared for the debate Melfias went around town to recruit people for the audience that would be on Krangors side. With that the debate began between Fatman and Kragnor!

There were many tough questions asked like what to do about the goblins, how will the town become more secure, who will benefit from the new mine, who would be better for the town between a life long resident or a new person that just showed up, and if the incoming threat of giants was real. The crowd seemed to go back and forth in their opinion on who to vote for, but in the end it seemed like slightly more people backed Fatman… for now…

To help out Krangor, the rest of the group went around and talked to local citizens showing them that they could be educated in new trades like blacksmithing and it could greatly benefit the town. It helped sway a bit of the vote. 

With 2 days before the election and the debate concluded the group went to the local newspaper and gave them the ledger, the mysterious letter, and the letter that Allora had made showing Fatman as the reason for the last mayor to leave. These letters greatly benefited Krangor as he was voted in as the new mayor of Stowedton!

The celebration was short lived as the growing threat of the giants was immanent. Krangor placed Clark the Cleric Clerk in charge of the town while he was away ,as Kragnor and the group needed to go deal with this growing menace. 

While in town celebrating Krangor was overcome with a sudden uncontrollable urge to attack Gob. Gob could sense some sort of power coming from the ring that Kragnor was wearing and he wanted it for him self. Gob cast hold person on Krangor and while he was paralyzed went and took the ring from him. He could then sense that the ring was cursed and he knew they had to do something to get rid of the curse. Melfias said they should bring the ring to his Cleric teacher. They brought the ring to hear and she agreed to remove the curse. To do so she took out a sword and put Gobs hand on a table. She then procedded to slam down with the sword as if to cut off Gobs finger but instead she tapped the ring and the curse disapated. The ring had become uncursed and felt even stronger. Gob gave the ring back to Krangor. Gob also discovered that he had a very strong repulsion to getting balls in his mouth. After this, the group packed up thier things and set foot to go and stop the giants.

The group got to the threatened town and met many new people there that were willing to help out in the coming battles against the giants. The group would have to get along with these people as for some reason they felt connected…

NEXT TIME ON VORPAL BLADES Z!!!! CAN THE GROUP GET ALONG WITH THE NEW BUNCH OF ASSHOLES THAT THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO WORK WITH?! DID KRANGOR BECOME MAYOR AND 5 SECONDS LATER LEAVE THE TOWN BEFORE DOING ANYTHING FOR THE TOWN AND NOW CLARK IS IN CHARGE?! THEY DIDN'T VOTE HIM IN AND I COULD SEE SOME POLITICAL PROBLEMS IN THE FUTURE CAUSE OF THAT! IS THE GROUP ABOUT TO POUND SOME GIANT ASS… YA DAMN RIGHT THEY ARE!! GET PUMPED FOR SHIT IS ABOUT TO GET REAL REAL!!!

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7/25/17 - Ninth Session
Sweet revenge, a vision quest, and real politik

AS A TEST TO SEE WHO ACTUALLY READS THIS I WANT YOU TO WHATS APP ME THE WORD SNICKER DOODLE!

The session opened up with the amazing Vorpal Blades heading back to Cragmaw Fort feeling victorious having wiped the floor with Wave Cave Echo and saving another dwarven brother. Upon getting to their fort, they saw over 20 goblins working on putting it back together. One of the goblins then came up to the group demanding they identify them selves. The group told them who they were. The goblin then went and grabbed his boss, Droopy. Droopy had obviously seen a stylist while the group was in wave cave echo becuase he was now decked out in the finest tattered clothes a goblin could buy. He was excited to see his friends return and boasted about the progress that had been made on the fort. He also told them of his dad who had decided to move into the fort as well, Goblin King Moreglop. The group went in to meet this new king.

Moreglop welcomed the group and they discussed the current arrangement of goblins putting Cragmaw fort back together for the chance to make it their new home. The group agreed to give the goblins a wing of the castle in the back if they continued to labor away and reconstruct the fort. Moreglop was pleased with the deal and promised to do his best for the group while they were not there. They also checked in with everyone's favorite goblin chef, Frank!

 Frank had been cooking for the new inhabitants of the fort and everyone seemed to be getting along greatly. The group gave Frank another 1800 GP to continue construction on the fort. With a wave the group left their rebuilding fort in the hands of their goblin friends and continued on to go and reacquaint them selves with an old friend…

The group returned to the tower of Venomfang the green dragon. This green dragon had become an obsession of the Vorpal Blades, ever since he invited them in for bread and moldy cheese once. Instead of being a gracious host, he spit poison in everyones faces and killed the group. Luckily, a bit of DM magic allowed the group to go back 30 mins in time to learn from past mistakes at the cost of a magical halberd that the group just received. Now the group had become more powerful and were ready to rain down holy hell upon this green dragon. But, it would not be easy, for the green dragon is crafty and full of wit.

The group debated how about to get the dragon down to ground level and came up with the most insidious of ideas… that was destined to fail. They tried it anyway. Fox, being the badass ranger she was, cast Pass Without a Trace to make the group more stealthy so they could lay in wait for an ambush. Galthetes, Allora, Gob, Fox and Pantherny hid around the entrance to the fort in the heavy brush while Melfias and Krangor went up the path to talk with the green dragon. Gob made an illusion of treasure near them and Melfias and Krangor offered it to the dragon if he would leave the tower. At that time silly Galthetes made a little to much noise and the dragon was aware of his presence… also the dragon had noticed the fact that the treasure was an illusion. Krangor and Melfias tried to convince the dragon to come down and to take the treasure as a sign of good faith that he would leave. Melfias and Krangor then walked away saying they would leave the treasure there for him cause they trusted. The dragon repeatedly said he would just take the treasure and not leave. Melfias and Krangor didn't really know what to do so they just walked away and hid. At this time, Galthetes realized the dragon kept looking in his general direction, so he decided to give up his position and pretend like he had a little more to add to the treasure and so he could run away and stealth with the group as well. The dragon looked a little dumbfounded at the situation and attitude of the group but still did not come down from his high perch on the tower. 

The group waited an hour for the dragon to take the treasure while they lay in wait for an ambush. He never moved from his spot and instead started juggling rocks to pass the time. Finally, Galthetes had had enough and wanted to force the dragon to move away from the tower. Melfias' had been dropped on his head multiple times as a child forgot he had learned the spell shatter which would have made quick work of the support walls of the tower. Instead, Galthetes went the low tech route and began to walk right to the tower. He planned on smoking out the dragon by throwing flasks of oil and his torch to start fires. Eventually the dragon got pissed enough to begin his assault. 

Galthetes first coarse of action was to run into the tower as to get far away enough from the group so they were not all hit by the poison breath that he knew the dragon possessed. Fox still hiding in the bushes shot a couple of arrows at the dragon and then commanded Pantherny to run into the tower with Galthetes to help him out. Gob attempted to launch some scorching rays at the dragon, but they all missed. Melfias remembered he had shatter and blew apart the front door of the tower, making it easier for people to run and begin attacking the dragon. He also hurt the dragon a bit with the attack. Allora start to climb up the back of the tower and to the top so she could get the jump on the dragon and put the collar on him. The dragon had waited long enough and now planned on taking out that thorn in his side, Galthetes.

He jumped town from the top of his tower and bellowed out a thick plume of poison spray that covered Pantherny and Galthetes. Galthetes was able to take the hit, but poor Pantherny went down for the count. Krangor saw his friends in trouble and pulled out some of the new tricks he had learned. He misty stepped over the thick brush and ran at the dragon with his trusty halberd and got in a nice attack. The dragon though still had plenty of life in him. Fox continued to shoot arrows at the dragon slowly ticking his health down. Allora was finally in position to spring the groups ultimate trap! She jumped down from the top of the tower down to the dragons back and slammed the collar on him. The dragon was not happy with this new predicament and decided it might be time to run away. Allora was still holding into the dragon like the fearless rogue she was as the dragon began to take off.

The dragon started his attempt to fly away, but was met with Melfias' phantasmal force. Melfias tried to make the dragon believe his wings had melted off and it only slightly worked, but did slow the dragon down for a second. Allora started to fear that she was going to fly off with the dragon where she would be subject to donkey and dragon action from Shrek. Little did she know that the noble paladin Krangor was there and ready to make sure this dragon was not able to escape.

Using his misty step again Krangor was able to teleport him self above the dragon and fell on to its back and was able to balance him self by grabbing a wing. With all of his might he took his halberd and jammed its as far into the dragons back and hit a vital organ. The dragon took significant damage..but it was not over. Krangor then summed up the power of his god to make the hit become a divine smite burning away the flesh around where the halberd entered the dragons body, causing even more damage.

The dragon was starting to waiver. How much more punishment could it take? Krangor didn't give a fuck and was ready to end this now. He pulled the halberd back out of the dragons back and this time slashed for the side of its neck. He again summoned help from the gods and with his glowing halberd he slashed half way through the dragons throat instantly killing it. The dragon began plummeting back to the ground. Allora and Krangor were scared their lives would end from the fall. Luckily, Melfias had kept secret another spell he had also recently learned called feather fall. He made Krangor and Allora light and float like a feather and they were able to land back on the ground safely. The group had finally did it. They had laid waste to the deceitful, unwelcoming, abhorrent, bitch-ass, dragon! The group wasted no time in dismembering the dragons body. They took the claws to make weapons, the scales to make armor, the teeth for jewelry, and the head to show to the rest of the world how bad ass they were.

The group then ransacked the dragons horde. They found some treasure and scrolls, but also a bunch of rusted weapons. Fox started to feel uneasy about one of the weapons. She could sense it was magical and gave it to Gob to identify. He discovered it was Hue, the plant destroying halberd. Krangor not only was able to make waste of the dragon, but was able to get a new weapon! O happy days for Krangor indeed!  Krangor was officially given the title of Dragon Slayer for his bravery and kick ass ability at destroying dragons! Feeling satisfied, the group preceded to the old druids house who wanted the dragon gone in the first place, and left a note and a dragon tooth showing they had taken care of the dragon. They then preceded to Stowedton.

The group arrived at Stowedton with the dragons head on Krangors halberd so they could show it off to the towns folk. Everyone was excited to see and touch a real dragons head and people wanted to have a celebration. The group decided to go on a vision quest fueled by drugs that Fox was able to procure from the forest. The group asked all of their closest friends and allies to come with them. They also brought along alcohol and pizza so people had stuff to eat and drink. They went to a nice mossy hill that Fox knew about and every dosed them selves and let the good vibes roll. Most people dreamed about riches and things that made them happy, except for Melfias who continued to have brutal nightmares. Gob and the group had an intense discussion about ducks, family trees, and money. Everyone just was able to relax for a while thinking happy thought and it brought everyone closer together. The main members of the group did all have one dream they shared. They could see giants in a pit fighting surrounded by storming clouds. What could it mean? Maybe someday we shall see! After the drugs wore off the group returned to town refreshed and ready to take on the world!

The group took this time to work on some of their personal goals. Melfias went out and tried to get loans to help rebuild Cragmaw Fort. He was only able to get around 9000 GP which was only about 20% of what he needed. He will have to continue to whore him self for more money to support the fort.

Galthetes and Gob went to wave cave echo to learn what they could about re-energizing the magical forge. They discovered that its power comes from the cave its self and that roots of energy go deep into the rock. There are currently many roots blocked and if they were able to maybe somehow remove those blockages the forge could become more powerful. Galthetes wanted to do more research so he headed to Neverwinter and to use their library to discover more about powering forges. He did not learn much more. 

Gob also helped out with some of the repairs at Cragmaw Fort just to get that moving along. He also went and acted as Su Chef for Frank to help him cook in an upcoming mayoral event. We will get more to that later.

Fox disappeared from the group and went out on a quest of her own. Not much else is known about this, but it probably has something to do with the old druid we met and killed the dragon for.

Krangor started to push his mayoral election campaign into high gear. He discovered he had a challenger that goes by the name Fatman. Fatman was a local farmer and he had gone to Neverwinter to get the Lords Alliance to help Stowedton. He was beloved by many of Stowedton and had grown up there all his life. Krangor met him at his place and challenged him to a debate one week before the election. Fatman agreed. Krangor then went around town doing good deeds, kissing baby, helping orphans, and put up fliers to help his campaign.

Allora being the super sneaky lady she is, went off to Neverwinter to dig up dirt on Fatman. She was able to find out that he might have some shady money and contacts but didnt find anything else really. What she did do instead was forge a letter framing Fatman for the black mail of the old mayor and blaming him for forcing him to leave. 

When polling came out it was found that Krangor was losing to Fatman 70/30 in the vote and the most hot topic issue was the fact that Krangor had allowed Goblins to live and work for him over at Cragmaw fort. Most residence of Stowedton hated goblins as they had been attacking them for centuries. 

Krangor and Gob decided that they should have a giant benefit for the town and allow Frank to secretly cook for it. They wanted to show the people of the town that Goblins were people and had just as much talent as humans. Melfias also started a Goblin lives matter campaign to help fight goblin discrimination. 

Krangor began preparing for the party by getting a new cashmere suit with a purple cape made for him so he looked more mayoral. Gob went and became a Su chef for Frank and helped in cooking his feast of sushi, shrimp, vegetable medley, a surf and turf of swordfish and boar, and sorbet. The rest of the group went and made sure boosters that supported Krangor were at the party. Melfias was put in charge of the bar so he could hob knob with the guests and convince them to support Krangor. He also used his skeleton band to play some great banquet hall music which everyone loved. The party was going great. Krangor was shaking hands and making new friends and people seemed to really support his run for mayor. It was time for the big reveal.

Krangor made a toast and began to talk about how Goblins are people and deserve our respect.  Humans should learn to work with them not always attack them. He also said they could be as talented and do things as well as any human. Many people began to become apprehensive. Krangor then went and asked everyone how they enjoyed their meals. The town people clapped saying they thought it was very good. Krangor then went and pulled down the curtains showing everyone who was the true chef of the meal. The town folk were stunned. Krangor told them to realize Frank could be as good as humans at cooking and we should come to peace with the goblins. For a couple of seconds there was complete silence, until Krangors group and their boosters started a slow clap. Which started to build louder and louder until the majority of the room were clapping. There were also some dissenting boos in the crowd as well, but fuck them.

Frank then took the microphone and talked about how his clan had always been peaceful and not all goblins were bad. His people just wanted acceptance from the humans. Some people started to agree with Frank, while others began to leave. Those that stayed were invited to party with the goblin. Melfias then made his skeleton band start to play some up beat techno music. He used prestidigitation to make lights and flashes appear around the dance floor and then Thaumaturgy to really make the beat drop. Everyone that stayed at the party had a great night and the polls the next day showed it, as Krangor was now winning 70/30! 

Krangor discovered the letter that Allora  had made for him inside the breast pocket of his cashmere suit. He decided to keep it until 2 days before the election. He would then give it to the town newspaper anonymously and hopefully hurt Fatmans chances in the election. With the party done all that was left to prepare for was the coming debate with Fatman. Krangor better go brush up on his debate skills cause Fatman will not be a push over!!

NEXT TIME ON VORPAL BLADES Z!!!!!! KRANGOR THE DRAGON SLATER VS FATMAN THE TUB OF LARD!!! WHAT WILL HAPPEN IN THIS BATTLE OF DEBATE!!! WHY DOES THE GROUP KEEP DREAMING ABOUT DAMN GIANTS?!? IS FRANKGREAT GOBLIN CHEF OR THE GREATEST GOBLIN CHEF EVER?!!? WILL ALLORA AND FOX EVER GET A MAGIC WEAPON?!! HOW IS MOREGLOP GOING TO FUCK THINGS UP FOR THE GROUP!!?? NO WAY HE DOESN'T CAUSE SOME SHIT!! WILL GOB EVER STOP ROLLING 3'S?!? FIND OUT ALL THIS IN MORE IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF VORPAL BLADES Z!

 

 

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Eight Session 7/15/15
Gourmet Cows and Bitch Ass Wizards

This session opened up with the group taking a short rest to recover from the flaming skull fight. The group was definitely starting to get exhausted after trekking through this mine filled with ghastly horrors for many hours.

They then continued into the next room which looked like a banquet hall with many dead skeletons in it. The group did a quick search of the surrounding bodies. Fox and Krangor went to search one very mysterious looking group of skeletons. Once they got close enough a group of ghouls nearby erupted from a near by area and started their attack on the exhausted group! The ghouls first started to attack Krangor and Galthetes. Little did they know the punishment they would be in for not all attacking Krangor. Krangor made the ghouls really hurt for trying to attack his friends. He slashed them apart with his halberd while Galthetes sliced them up into a nice ghoulash with his cutlasses of light. The few that did attack Krangor tried to poison him but his powerful body was able to fight off the poisons. Fox, Pantherny, and Allora also continued to bring the pain. They brought many of the ghouls to within inches of their life only for Krangor or Galthetes to get the actual glory of the kill. 

Melfias and Gob just chilled in the back lobbing firebolts and making fun of the ghouls moms cause thats what they do. They thought they had it easy. They were wrong. All of the sudden a follower of the house of Cosby dropped from the ceiling. The pudding monster attacked the poor spell throwers who just liked to be annoying dicks and chill in the back. The pudding bitch slapped Gob across the face and he pussied out and ran away. Sildar thinking he was a bad ass attack the pudding by cutting it in half. Sadly, this now created two puddings. Melfias being the brave bard he is decided to up his insult game and made fun of the pudding right to his face. He told the pudding that Bill Cosby loves pudding… pudding his dick where it doesnt belong! The pudding was so distracted he couldn't land a hit on Melfias. Eventually the rest of the group came and stomped out the puddings for the frail magic users. The group, victorious, continued back to the scary pools they avoided so long ago. 

After coming back to the pool the group argued who should go into the dark murky water. They used Galthetes new shining sword of light as a light source, but still could not see the skeleton they knew was down at the bottom of the pool. After some debate, Melfias begrudgingly said fuck it I will go but I am going to bitch the whole time. Allora then took up the mantle and went in with Melfias. They felt along the skeleton and felt something hard stick out form his crotch. They also found some metal rings on his fingers. They grabbed the rings and the hard stick at his crotch and brought them back to the surface. They found the rings to have some monetary value and the stick to actually be a wand! Excited they were not eaten by sharks while in the water the group pressed onward into the cave.

They headed back to the banquet hall as from there was the only path they had not gone into yet. They went up to the only unopened door and listened in to the other side. They could hear Bugbears complaining about being hungry. The group began to devise a glorious scheme. 

Allora took out the dead rotting cow she had been carrying around now for a few weeks and laid it on the table. Gob using his illusion magic to make it look like a succulent cow ready to be eaten. Allora then doused the cow with poisons she had found previously. Krangor and Fox went up to the door to offer the blighted bovine to the bewildered bugbears. 

The bugbears at first questioned what these two were doing, but they explained them selves as slaves of nezcar, and that he had asked them to prepare a meal for them. They at first questioned the group and the quality of the meat but, Krangor and Fox tried to convince them everything was ok. Melfias then used his prestidigition to make the aroma of delicious steak fill the air and made the bugbears even more hungry. They demanded Melfias to kiss their rings before they would eat and Melfias did while having an evil smirk on his face. The bugbears then proceeded to pig out on the poisoned heifer. Allora and Galthetes hid under the tables as to spring an attack when the time was right. 

After 30 mins of eating, the bug bears began to get sick and Allora and Galthetes sprang into action. Galthetes tried to trip two of the bug bears and Allora began stabby stabby time. The bugbears were far to poisoned to put up to much of a fight and the group easily dispatched them. The group got more use out of a rotting cow carcass then most would have thought.

After this concluded the group continued on and found an open room with pillars and a locked door. The group went inside the open room and found a wizard, a couple bug bears, 4 spiders, and a statue with emeralds for eyes. The group began their assault. Melfias and Gob stayed in the hallway area shooting off spells to assist the group. Gob blessed the fighters of the group and then placed an area of grease to trip up the spiders. Melfias cast crown of madness on one of the spiders so that he may begin attack his friends. Allora ran up to the statue to go get those gleaming emerald eyes. Krangor got webbed in place, but luckily he had a weapon with long reach and was able to still attack the monsters. Fox sent Pantherny in to attack and she began shooting arrows at the bug bears. The drow wizard drank a potion of invisibility and started to shoot spells from the shadows. 

Allora was able to get up to the emerald eyes and giggled with glee as she snatched one out of the statue. As soon as she did this, the room began to crack and collapse. The falling rocks and debris took out Krangor and Galthetes and Pantherny. It also took out a bug bear and 2 spiders. Soon the mage tried to take advantage of this by climbing on the walls and shooting spells at the group. They were damaged and exhausted but it was time for Gob and Melfias to finally shine. First both quickly cast healing word on two of their fallen brethren. Then Melfias went and really fuck up the wizards day. He cast hold person and paralyzed the wizard in place while stuck to the wall about 15 feet in the air. While it was nice to have him not fucking with the group now the issue is no one really had the range to attack him in melee to do real damage… or so they thought….

With a glint in her eye and some pep in her step Allora scrambled down the statue, sprinted across the room dodging out of the way of the spider and bug bear, ran up the wall like some sorta ninja, and drove her short swords into the throat of the paralyzed drow wizard. She left a gaping hole that the wizard would never be able to recover from. He slowly bled out and died while still paralyzed and helpless and attached to the wall. The group turned their attention to the remaining bugbear and spider and made quick work of them. With everything dead the looted the bodies.   

With the group done fighting with the wizard and his cronies they all of the sudden heard a door slam and the sound of a scuffle. Inside the previously locked room they found two dwarven brothers both of which looked exactly the same, but one had a black eye. The group separated the twins and began questioning them. They asked them both things that they thought only the real brother would know, but both knew the answers to these questions. Eventually they figured that the real one would have a black eye from when the clone ran in and tried to steal his identity. The group figured fuck it and chopped off the head of the uninjured clone. andddd luckily he melted into the goo! The group got it right! With that they released the tied up brother and began their escape out of the mine! Gob spent some time identifying the objects they had found and discovered they had looted a ring of damage, a wand of magic missile, and a spider staff! The group left the mines triumphant excited to see the benefits this mine would bring them!

NEXT TIME ON VORPAL BLADES ZZZZ THE GROUP NOW HAS PARTIAL OWNERSHIP OF A BAD ASS MINE WHAT COULD THAT LEAD TO?! TIME FOR A VACATION!! WE JSUT SAVED A DOWN AND FOUGHT A BUNCH OF BITCHES!! GOT A MINE!! TIME TO GO RELAX AND DO WHATEVER WE WANT FOR A MONTH!! THERE IS ONLY REALLY 1 MATTER OF BUSINESS THAT REALLY IS A ISSUE AND THAT IS KILLING THAT FUCKING DRAGON!!! HE WILL FUCKING DIE! DIE DIE DIE!! WE HIT LEVEL 5 AND ARE NOW SO READY TO FUCK THAT DRAGONS DAY UP REAL FAST. BUT YA BACK TO TOWN NOW WE I CAN DO STUFF THROUGH CHAT CAUSE WE ARNT STUCK IN A DAMN CAVE WOO WOO!! GIANTS HERE WE COME!! AND WAIT HOW HAS FRANK BEEN WE HAVENT SEEN HIM A DAMN WHILE I HOPE HE IS OK!!

 

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Seventh Session - 6/15/17
Forge of Souls and Flaming Skull

The group began todays session in the room where they destroyed the wizard wraith. Some of the members were exhausted and wanted to take a short rest. After some debate the rest happened but not before a group of mosquitoes came and tried to feast on the blood of the party. The group were ready to stab the shit out of these silly useless bugs.

The group used their ranged attacks to take them out one by one. Galthetes was able to line up a perfect shot and took two out with one arrow. Krangor layed in wait to react to any that came to close to the group and smashed one to pieces when it ventured too near. Slowly the group whittled down their numbers, but one was able to bite Fox. Luckily her trusty companion, Pantherny, plucked it off and crushed it beneath its paws. The group eventually killed the rest of them with relative ease. Fox could feel a tingling sensation where she was bitten and knew that the bite could eventually lead to a disease. Krangor put his hands all over Fox and made the disease go away cause he has that magic touch. 

The group finally were able to take their short rest and heal up. Gob used an illusion at the doorway to make it look like a wall so the group couldn't be detected while they rested. At the end of their rest they then continued on to the next room where they could feel a very powerful presence behind the door. They also could sense a very powerful undead. 

Inside the room they found what looked like a giant blob head with eye balls. The group went up to talk to it as they realized it was a spectator and they hoped to reason with it. Melfias began to talk to it about what it was doing in this area. He mentioned that he had a contract to watch the forge of spells and was hired by some dwarves. Melfias and Krangor began telling the spectator that they were given permission to go into the forge by those dwarves and showed them a dwarven sigil as proof. The spectator bought into their lies and disappeared allowing them safe passage into the forge.

Inside the room they found a brazier with a green magical flame. After investigating it they discovered that it was a flame that could improve the quality of their items. Galthetes took peoples weapons one by one and placed them into the forge to make them stronger. The rest of the group searched the room and found a magical breastplate and cutlass. Gob used his identification ritual and discovered that he found a dragon scale breast plate and a sun cutlass of Lathander! Gob took the breast plate as he was the most frail of the group and could use the added defense and Galthetes of coarse took the cutlass even though it was a sword representing Melfias' main squeeze of a god. The group rejoined…. but not for long, cause soon after they could hear a bunch of assholes outside the door demanding that we come out. The group prepared for battle.

The group readied attacks for the first people that stuck their head through the front door. Sadly, the group of enemies appeared through the back door. Gob tried to make an illusion of the spectator demanding that they not intrude, but the bugbears were not fooled and started their assault. They quickly ran in and surrounded Melfias and he took some damage. Two spiders were found to be crawling on the ceiling and they spit webbing at Krangor and Galthetes but luckily missed. Gob placed a grease spell on the wall making one of the spiders come crashing down to the ground. The group then began to swarm the enemies. Krangor ran up next to Melfias to guard him and get any free hits he could when they attempted to attack Melfias. Allora started jumping around sneak attacking bitches like a pro. Fox and Pantherny used team work to shoot and claw fuckers. Galthetes got to use his fancy new sword and cut down many people. Melfias made fun of people and made them feel bad. It was sorta effective. Soon after, they were left with only one bug bear who was attempting to run away. Little did they know Pantherny is a fucking panther and is fucking fast. Also, Allora is a fucking rogue and is also fast. Both caught up to the poor guy ready to kill him. Melfias instead demanded the guy drop his weapons and give up if he wanted to live. He agreed and the fight was over.

The group began to interrogate the bugbear and got some locations on the map and were told of some things to look out for in the caverns. After that Melfias bestowed the greatest gift a member of the Vorpal Blades can give to an enemy. He cut off his head and added his head into our fancy bag of holding. The group then continued to the next room.

The group proceeded down the path to the next room in a 1×2 × 2 x 2 formation with Sildar out front cause fuck that guy. in the next room that saw a large furnace that looked like it had not been used for many years. Above that, they saw a floating skull covered in green flame. Knowing it was scary and undead Fox got ready to shoot an arrow at its face, but the green skull now dubbed "Total Fuckwad Johnson" shot the most bad ass fireball the group has ever seen right in their faces and man did it hurt. Melfias and Allora were thankfully able to dodge all damage. Fox was able to take half damage and Gob, Krangor, and Galthetes took the full brunt of the force of the fireball. Melfias used is cutting words to make the damage slightly less, but man did it still hurt. Gob dropped like a sack full of elephant poop. Krangor and Galthetes were at very limited health. To make things even better 8 zombies appear with the flaming skull to really ruin our day. It was time for the Vorpal Blades to step the fuck up. 

Since Fox was able to survive the blast she was able to get off her arrow that she shot, but it did very little damage to the green flaming skull. The rest of the group moved in to take on the zombies. Panthery ran in first and pounced on the first one he saw. Melfias threw a heal to Krangor and mocked the zombie's mothers to make them distracted. Allora, being the bad ass thief/healer that she is, was able to bring back up Gob and sneak attack a zombie by shanking it in the back. Glathetes ran into the heat of battle and started to slice the zombies up using his new glowing sword of holy awesome. Krangor even though injured, bravely went to the front lines and sliced and bashed zombies down while protecting his friends. Fox also ran up with her two short swords and began to stab the zombies as well. Gob casted a much needed bless on the group and then hid in a corner as to not die as he was holding on for dear life. 

Total Fuck wad Johnson had different plans for the group. He summoned a globe of fire that he used to slam into the group and give 3rd degree burns. He slammed it into Krangor and Fox. Krangor was on the precipitous of death while Fox would have died, but used her absorb elements spell to negate some of the damage and power up her next attack with fire magic. As the group dwindled down the Zombie horde numbers the groups focus began to turn to Total Fuckwad Johnson!

Melfias began to conjure a phantasmal force of an ice net to force the flaming flying skull to the ground so the rest of the group could reach it. The rest of the group had different plans. The flaming skull was hiding behind a 20 ft high forge which the group climbed up to get the high ground. Krangor ran behind the forge to find the exact location of the flaming skull and got near him so he couldnt run away. Fox and Pantherny rushed up to the top of the forge ready to jump down an attack but they would be to slow for we had a pro climber in Allora. Allora being a bad ass thief easily climbed the side of the forge, ran across the roof, high jumped into the air, did a triple axel in the air, and slammed her sword onto the flaming skull and drove him to the ground. At ground level Krangor and and Galthetes were waiting to end Mr Total Fuckwad Johnsons life. Krangor slashed and bashed it with his halberd, while Galthetes used all his adrenaline and slammed it twice with his holy sword of death. Mr Total fuckwad Johnson was no more… or was he? 

After killing the flaming skull the group could still feel a magical presence inside the skull. They began to try and crush it as much as possible and came up with all kids of ways to permanently kill Mr Johnson. Melfias then remember that holy water can permanently kill undead and luckily for us, Allora had one more bottle of holy water left. She splashed it on him and the last flick of flame in the skulls eyes went dead. The group had destroyed Mr Total Fuckwad Johnson, but at a heavy cost to their life force.  

The group rejoiced and began to explore the room they were in. Melfias went inside the non-active furnace and checked for any goodies and found some platinum beads! Maybe he can put them on a string and have some great fun with some classy escorts with the beads later. The group exhausted wanted to find a place to rest and ended the night.

NEXT TIME ON VORPAL BLADES Z!!!! IS MR FUCKWAD JOHNSON REALLY COMPLETELY 100% DEAD?! WE FOUND A FUCKING SPELL FORGE THATS PRETTY SWEET!! AND THOSE MAGIC LOOTS WOO WOO!! WHERE IS THIS FUCKING SPIDER MAGE AND GLASS STAFF!?! WHAT OTHER HORRORS LIE IN WAIT IN THE CAVERNS?1111!!1 WHAT REALLY HAPPENS IN THE BOOM BOOM ROOM! AND WTF WE STILL HAVE NOT GONE BACK TO THE POOL!!! FIND THE ANSWERS TO ALL THIS AND MORE NEXT TIME ON VORPAL BLADE ZZZZZZZFFFSSSZZZZZZ!!!!!//??111!!!

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Sixth Session - 6/9/17
Wave Cave Echo and Shia!!

Warning: Melfias was very drunk during this session and so many details might be off and or missing. Feel free to let me know to add in anything.

The group opened up todays session by making final preparations in Stowedton before they left for wave cave echo. Allora got some sweet holy water cause you never know what you are going to find at the bottom of a dark cave.

The group first went to check in on Cragmaw castle as that was along the way to see how their best friends Frank and Droop were doing. Sadly, when they arrived at the castle they could see signs of battle and all they could hear was silence. They ran into the kitchen to find Frank barely holding on to dear life and a few of the goblin servants dead. The group inquired about Droop and Sildar. Droop had apparently gone off to visit his parents while Sildar was in a room nearby also grasping for life. The group healed both of them up.

The group also found out that Sildar and the Goblins encountered the Black Spider, a drow wizard of impeccable talent who was the one behind originally kidnapping Gundren and Sildar as well as taking the map to Wave Cave Echo. The Black Spider told the group to stay away from wave cave echo. The group said fuck that attempted to kill the wizard. After several blatant misses from the group, someone finally hit and found the wizard to be an illusion. After getting things back together the group set out to do the opposite of what the wizard asked cause that is basically who the Vorpal Blades are. A rag tag group of rule breakers.

With the group ready, they went and hit the road. Along the way a little girl looking very rough ran up to the group shouting for help. She said some evil force was attacking her village and pleaded for help. After some debate on whether it was worth it to help them the group decided fuck it and went to the village. There they talked to her family about the missing people from the village and were told that the monster was somewhere in the forest. The group ran over to the forest to investigate.

Upon reaching the forest, they discovered that it was covered in a giant static aura that would hurt anyone using metal of any kind. Seeing as how most of our group used metal armor and weapons that basically left Fox and her bad ass panther, Panthery, to go investigate! 

Fox slowly and stealthily entered the forest and started to search around until they finally found what looked like a beast man eating some bones. Fox and Panthery attempted to surprise attack the wild looking man and were able to cause some damage. The man then went and tried to attack Fox. Fox ran up a tree to get some space between him and the man and was able to shoot him with her arrows. Panthery also went and clawed the shit out of him. Eventually the beast man decided the fight was not going well and tried to run away. Also, when he did this the aura of static disappeared and the group was able to run into the forest to help out. 

The group followed the beast man to a clearing that had a cabin. The group surrounded the cabin and inside they saw what looked like a human sharpening an axe. Gob thought the best course of action would be to burn him out of the cabin so we could finish him off once he got outside. Allora agreed and threw an alchemist fire at the cabin as well. She then climbed up on the roof to do a sneak attack from above. The rest of the group blocked the doors and windows. The beast man ran out of the cabin where he was met by a slice of Galthetes sword. Allora then jumped from the roof with the full force of her swords and body and slammed them into his back for critical damage! Soon after the rest of the group went and decapitated him. With his dying breath the beast called out " Shia…. Surprise….!"

With an audible sound of gasp the group came to realized they had just killed Shia Labeouf an actual cannibal! The town rejoiced at his death and praised the group for their good deeds, except for Muriel Cleaves because the party decided to berate and slap her around for answers instead of being, like, totally nice to her since her son died and all. The group made a deal with the town that they would help with the construction of cragmaw fort.  With that the group left and ventured forward to Wave Cave Echo!

Warning: This is where the alch really hit and details get cloudy

Upon entering wave cave echo the group found the remains of a dead dwarf. He was Gundro’s brother, Nundro. The group checked the corpses for loot and found some boots of striding! They let Melfias have them as they would allow him to use heavy armor with no restrictions. The group saw a rope leading down deeper in to the cave and went on in. 

They started to explore many of the caverns of the cave but hit repeated dead ends. Eventually they followed the trail to a pool of dark water that the group was too afraid to jump into. Gob reached around with his mage hand and found a skeleton beneath the depths. Fearing what lay beneath, the group then decided to backtrack to the cavern they dropped in on and head East. They eventually found a door and inside was a room with a lock box. The lock box was much too hard to crack open at the time so they deiced to drag it with them. 

Next they went to a room right next door and were ambushed by a group of skeletons and the group kicked the shit out of them. How i am not totally sure but ya everything is dead and we are ok so we must have done well.

Next we found a room that was filled with poisonous fungi. we ran across to the other side after checking the room for a bit and finding nothing. In the next room we found the ghost of what looked like a wizard. Allora wanting to try out her new holy water threw a flask of it at his face. It hurt him pretty bad and the rest of the group got in on the action. They killed the old ghost wizard and took his treasure. At this time the group and esp Meflias were starting to get very tired and decided to call it a night.

NEXT TIME ON VORPAL BLADES Z11<wbr />1111!!!!11 DOES MELFIAS HAVE A<wbr /> DRINKING PROBLEM AND NEEDS TO GO TO REHAB? IS THIS HISSAD CRY FOR HELP? D<wbr />ID THE WIZARD HAVE ANYTHING TO<wbr /> SAYBEFORE THE GROUP JUST WENT<wbr /> AND THREW THE EQUIVALENT OF A<wbr />CID IN ITS FACEWHO KNOWS FUC<wbr />KERS DEAD NOWWHATOTHER HORRO<wbr />RS LIE IN WAIT IN THE CAVERN?!<wbr />? IS FRANK OK?! GOD I HOPE SO I WOULD BE SO PISSED IF HE JUST DIEDDROOP… MEH..  I THINK WE ALL COULD GET OVER<wbr /> THAT ONEWHO WASTHAT OTHER W<wbr />IZARD?! ARE WE ABOUT TO FIGHT <wbr />2 FUCKINGWIZARDS AT ONCE?! WAS<wbr /> ANYTHING IN THAT DARK SCARY P<wbr />OOL OF WATER THE GROUP PUSSIED<wbr /> OUT OF LOOKING INTO?! HOWABOU<wbr />T THE POISON ROOM?! YOU WILL H<wbr />AVE TO TUNE IN NEXTWEEK TO FIN<wbr />D OUT ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF V<wbr />ORPAL BLADES!!

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Fifth Session - 6/1/17
Cragmaw, Town stuff, and FRANK!!!

Cragmaw, Town stuff, and FRANK!!!

1 JUN 17

Note!! Anything with (()) means this action was done outside of the live session.

The group started off the session by finishing up their short rest in a room with a passed out dwarf. They chilled with the guy for about 10 mins while they patched themselves up and he slept peacefully in what seemed like a concussed state.

After the group was ready they began to try and wake him up. It was a little harder then expected but after a few smacks and having beer thrown in his face he finally was alert. He happened to be the dwarf, Gundren Rockseeker, who the group was on the look out for. He told us of a map that he had with him originally, but could not find on him at the moment.

The group tore the room apart and ended up finding it hidden under a bed. They also found a magical leather sack that held a ton of gold and could hold o so much more! Gundren requested the map be returned to him and the group debated for a while whether to trust the dwarf or not.

They also debated whether or not to bring the dwarf with him. Eventually Gundren forced their hand and tagged along for the duration of their journey. The group was starting to get a little full of NPCs, with Hooty, Pantherny, Gundren, and Droop all tagging along with the 6 actual cool people. They began to explore the rest of the castle…

The next room they entered was a run down church with 3 goblins praying to some whacked out goblin god. One of the goblins was obviously the leader and was saying how his god Msdahgwueihgegpiuhg would smite us. That obviously did not happen! Instead the group easily killed the goblins friends and then interrogated the leader.

After telling him about the damn owl bears and bear owls that were already dead, he finally gave some good info about a treasure inside a brazier(not to be confused with Dairy Queen!).

For being so helpful the group decided that it would allow the fanatic goblin to meet its precious God Mfiudfdsiuaghafg by stabbing the shit out of his belly. Inside the Brazier they found a statue of a half elf that allowed a person to get quicker movement! Huzzah! The group then continued on.

In the next room the group found many weapons and armors hung along the wall including short swords and cutlasses. They also checked out some crates and were able to find Sildar's gear and a bottle of dwarven brandy, containing twenty servings of premium spirits. The group finished checking out all of the rooms and decided it was time for the big showdown in the kitchen.

Upon entering the kitchen the group found a large fat goblin chef who introduced him self as Frank, 5 helper goblins, and 4 body guards. Frank invited the group to sit down and eat with them. The group was obviously apprehensive about this invite as the last time a random monster asked them to sit down for dinner they all got their faces melted off.

Frank said he wished to cause no harm and could hear the commotion. Melfias pulled out the lead bug bear's head with the crown mended to its skull so it wont fall off when using it for intimidation purposes.

Frank recognized the head and knew his boss had been killed. He again asked for the group to eat. The group said no at first but asked if the goblin was in fact a good cook. He said he was great but it was tough for him to perform with the shitty ingredients he was given at this castle. He mostly made things out of rats and trash, but stated if given the right ingredients and tools, he could fashion wonderful meals. He again asked the group to try his food.

The group started to trust Frank more and sent in the the group's food tester, Droopy, cause if he died people would get over it pretty quickly. He went in for a bite of the food and absolutely loved what he tasted… and he didn't die.

The group, starting to trust Frank more, asked if he would be interested in staying at the fort and could have room and board if he and his followers helps do repairs around the castle and became the castle chef. Frank excitedly agreed and to show his loyalty went and cut the throats of the 4 body guard goblins.

The group was pumped they had just become best friends with Frank the classically trained goblin chef! The group decided to party hard with the goblins for the night to celebrate their new friendship and everyone got to take shots of dwarven brandy and get sloppy drunk. It was a real bonding moment and I am sure will deter Frank from ever betraying the group. The group then left Frank 120 GP for repairs and payment for the goblins work, and left Droopy as the fort's consigliere.(Frank assured them that Droopy would remain unharmed) Satisfied with the state of the fort, they headed to town to return Gundren, Sildars gear, and deal with town's issues…

In town, the group returned Gundren to Sildar, and discussed their upcoming plans for Wave Cave Echo. Gundren wanted to help at Wave Cave echo to clear it out and find his brothers. Sildar wanted the groups help to further help the lords alliance and make things better for the town. The group also returned Sildars gear.

Sildar said he would need 7-10 days to recruit people to the cause of venturing into wave cave echo. The group then went on their merry ways and did their individual tasks. Also, many members of the group had put in orders for new armors and many of them arrived. Krangor got some bad ass plate armor. Melfias, Glathetes, and GOB all got really sexy breast plates! Woo WOO!

First and foremost, the group decided it needed to get rid of the mayor. He sucked, was not good for the town, and did not help the group at all. They devised a devious plan to get rid of him.

Using the spider letter they had found in the Red Brand house, Allora used her skills in forgery to make another letter stating that the Redbrands were planning on killing the Mayor. They also discussed potentially kill the mayors family, having Melfias fuck his wife and letting the mayor find out, framing the mayor for killing and fucking young orphan boys and then paying off an orphan boy to be a fake witness, somehow getting his kids taken from him, and basically any way they could to make the mayors life a living hell. These ideas mind you were though up exclusively by Jillian and Monica. If Tony and Nathan were ever to cross Jillian and Monica not even God may be able to help them. They will probably find them selves in a prison cell with Bill Cosby and Jared from Subway.

Anyways…. after bringing things down a notch and not involving children and/or rape, the group delivered the letter as is to him. Melfias told the mayor that the group could hide him out in their new fort while they get a boat prepared to ship him away to a distant land. The mayor agreed, but demanded that his family come with him. Another debate ensued very similar to the previous one but eventually we allowed that to happen and the mayor and his family were shipped out of town using Melfias's family connections.

With the mayor gone it was time for a new man of the people to rise the town ranks and Make Stowedton Great Again! Krangor went to the town clerk and met clark who also happened to be a cleric. He was given a form to fill out that needed 10 signatures to be able to run for Mayor. Krangor enlisted the help of Melfias and together they set out for signatures!

The first place they went to was visiting the town cleric that trained Melfias. Krangor told her of his plans to help the homeless orphans, increase security by building a wall and making the goblins pay for it, and increasing trade in the area. She eventually signed.

Next they visited the local item store. The owner said if he was allowed to move to the Cragmaw fort he would be willing to sign. They agreed.

Finally in a flash of brilliance Melfias said they should go and get signatures from the whores that Melfias had been frequenting. The hookers were very excited to see the pair of men and with a few coins were willing to sign the paper as well. They also gave free hand jobs on the side to both because they were paid a decent amount and actually did like Krangors plans for the future. Life was good.

With 10 signatures in hand Melfias and Krangor returned to Clark the Cleric Clerk and to hand in the form. He said that only 6 out of the 8 whores were legitimate citizens and he still needed 2 more signatures. This is when the group learned a very good life lesson: never trust bitches who suck dick for money. They asked Clark if he would be interested in signing and gave him the same spiel. He actually seemed interested in signing and stated both his wife and mistress in the other room would probably sign the form as well. Who woulda though Clark was a straight OG pimp. In the next room the two ladies were having cups of tea and agreed to sign the form as well. The task was complete and Krangor was on his way to becoming the next mayor of Stowed-ton!

Once the Mayor left town, Allora and Fox decided they wanted to investigate what the mayor had been up to. Allora went to his home which was pretty empty, but did find a shopping list and a fake gold coin with the mayors face on it.

Allora then left the house as there was nothing else of importance. Fox went to his office and found a bunch of useless files… but under his desk she found a torn up picture of a man with some cutesey writing on the back. Who was this mysterious man?

While at the Clark the Clerk's Office, Melfias started to find out who owned the land of Cragmaw Fort, and if he could take it over to start to build on it. There were some minor things that needed to be done but it didn't look like anyone could stop him. He then began preparing for the rebuild of Cragmaw Fort!

Melfias said for rights to the land, he would help protect the roads and the town of Stowedton. ((Clark offered his services to Melfias for keeping track of the books of the fort and after asking the local town people about the opinion of Clark he agreed. He also showed clark the mysterious coin the group had found in the Mayors safe and Clark said he knew nothing of it but would check to see if the mayor had been swapping out money with fake money and seeing if it circulated to any other near by towns.))

Allora then wanted to start to get into the practice of making and using poisons and visited the local thieves guild for someone looking to take on a new apprentice. She found a man who was willing to train her that had a disgusting face from all the fuck ups that come from making poison. Allora was willing to take the risk. She became a novice of using the poison kit!

Fox wanted to become a master of Alchemy and needed to find someone to become her master as well. The only known person she knew of was the wizard at the local magic shop. The wizard hated her and would never train her in such things. After digging deep and trying to find some inspiration she heard rumors of another man in town that was known to dabble in the alchemist arts. She went and visited him and she became a novice in the alchemist arts!

Galthetes was all excited to start to use his new smithing abilities by seeing what he could make out of the bodies of the worm monsters that attacked at Cragmaw. He went with Melfias to the local magic shop to see about the special properties of the monsters. The wizard said if he agreed to give him the innards of the bodies he could keep the outside and some magic dust to make a nice new set of bracers out of them. Galthetes agreed and was able to make a fancy set of bracers that reduced incoming damage! He also at the behest of Melfias agreed to make an iron collar that could fit around the neck of a dragon. What on earth could that be for?

GOB being the man of books went to the local library to do some research on the local Fauna and animals. He also was finally able to decipher the ancient runes on his trinket he had found, and discovered they had said to his delight "dead bird inside". He also went and tried to find out any information he could on the other trinkets that the group was carrying. He found a few sparse details.

Melfias's trinket might have to do with a demon or some sort of entity that possess. Fox's trinket looks like a regent for some sort of spell or magic. Galthetes's trinket belonged to an archmage who may be now a lich. Allora's obsidian was warm when generally it is supposed to be cool to the touch. Krangor's trinket was a doll. What will come of this information?!

As the group finished their in-town business, they spent one final night camping and discussing preparations for wave cave echo. While camping a white magical bunny appeared with the number 4 printed on its side. It also only kept saying 4!, 4! Not 5, not 3, but 4!!!

The group tried to befriend the rabbit but it clearly wasn't working. Finally they opted to lay some carrots on the ground. Fox went over and attempted to pick it up and pet it. As soon as she began to give it cuddles the bunny's spirit started to disperse and everyone all of the sudden felt a tiny bit stronger… strong enough to feel like LEVEL 4 BITCHES!!!! WOOO!!!

With the group all done and time over the group did final preparations for Wave cave echo!!

NEXT TIME ON THE VORPAL BLADE (YA THAT IS WHAT I AM GOING WITH. THE GROUP NEEDS A NAME AND THIS ONE SOUNDS COOL CAUSE WE ARE KNOWN FOR CUTTING OFF PEOPLES HEADS.) IF YOU DONT KNOW WHAT A VORPAL BLADE LET ME TAKE GOOGLE OUT OF THE EQUATION. IT IS THE SWORD USED IN THE POEM JABBERWOCKY THAT IS USED TO CUT OFF ITS HEAD. YA REAL DEEP SHIT. IF PEOPLE WANT A DIFFERENT NAME FIGHT ME OR WE CAN PUT IT UP FOR A VOTE.)

ANYWAYSSSS NEXT TIME ON VORPAL BLADES!!!

WAVE CAVE ECHO CHOO CHOO?!

WHAT WILL BE INSIDE?

WILL WE FIND THOSE BROTHERS?!?

WILL FRANK MAKE HIS OWN COOKING SHOW?! HE COULD PROB SHIT IN A BUCKET AND IT STILL

WOULD COME UP BETTER THEN GUY FIERI'S FOOD.

ARE WE EVER GOING TO GET OUR SWEET REVENGE ON THAT PIECE OF SHIT DRAGON?!

WERE OTHER MEMBERS OF THE GROUP APPROACHED BY RANDOM PEOPLE TO JOIN SOMEGROUPS!?

ARE JILLIAN AND MONICA SECRETLY PSYCHOPATHS OR IS THIS REALLY A TRUE LIFE GLIMPSE INTOWOMANS PSYCHE?!

FIND OUT THE ANSWERS TO ALL THIS AND MORE NEXT TIME ON VORPAL BLADES ZZZZZZ

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5/18/17 Fourth Session
Crawgmaw castle 1st half and Gob does a hell of a Job

The session opened up with the group meeting Gob, the high elf illusion mage, along the road and him deciding we seemed decent enough and could lead to some exciting stories. The group continued on the path to Cragmaw Castle. From the outside of the castle Fox and Allora decided to stealthily look into the windows of the castle to see what they could view inside. They saw some hobgoblins and bug bears and an alter where a few robed goblins were praying to their god, M[gfdyguidhgdfhgjkdsgsh. They also noticed a side door that might be a worth while way to get into the castle without being detected. Gob their new friend created an illusion at one of the windows so that the group was able to sneak by undetected.  Allora picked the lock to the door and then Allora, Fox, Pantherny, and Gobs best friend Hooty went up to the roof to scout what was going on inside. 

At the roof they used a crowbar to pull up some planks and peak their heads in. Soon after Panthery was able to smell owl and started to get excited. The group though he was smelling hooty.. little did they know how wrong they were. 

The main group continued on deeper into the castle while being directed by the scout team. They eventually found a bunch of barred up doors and Krangor had to use his might to break them down. The continued down the hall to another room with barred doors. They knew there were some sort of beasts inside and without a second though Krangor broke that door down as well. 

Inside stood 2 giant Owlbears and 6 little bitch ass bearowls. Seeing as how the Owlbear was part owl the group thought it would be a good idea to send fragile Hooty into the room with the owl bears to try and become friends. As hooty was just an owl and not a diplomat it did not go very well. As a last ditch effort Fox tried to use her animal acumen with them but it just pissed them off more. It was time for battle.

Krangor stood in the door way at the choke point as to try and tank the owl bears. It was very cramped and hard for the rest of the group to get any action so they all feel back and readied actions. All of the owl beasts tried to attack Krangor but only the little shitty bear owls were able to cause any damage. Soon after Gob used his bad ass bless to help out Krangor, Fox, Galthetes, and Allora. Melfias tried to faire fire the group of owl beasts, but as per tradition it missed. 

With the group backed up into a more open area the owl beasts made chase and began to get slaughtered. Krangor struck one and released his divine smite in its face. Allora sneak attacked another and really cause some pain. Fox and Galthetes also attacked the shit out of them. Gob used fire bolt to try to bring them down. Melfias sang his songs and sucked. One of the owl bears thought it would be a great idea to leap over the main group and try to crush Gob who was chilling in the back. Luckily, he failed miserable and smashed his face in the ground. The rest of the group ganged up and destroyed his soul. With the big owlbears taken cared of the group went after the stupid annoying bearowls and ruined them quickly. They then checked out the room from wince they came from for treasure.

Inside Gob and Galthetes noticed a treasure up high near the ceiling and they tried to slyly devise some way to steal it from the group. After spending about 5 mins trying to come up with some silly reason of why they needed to go to the roof Allora noticed the treasure as well and, to Gob and Galthetes dismay, the group decided to share its contents. They found some gold, potions, and scrolls.  They then continued on deeper into the castle.

In the next room Krangor and Melfias went into talk to the lone Goblin they saw. Melfias, with the help of Gobs illusions, tried to act as a harbinger from the goblin god Mahasioughiuhreqgiuavguixc. The goblin did not buy it and started to try and run away. Krangor chased him down and tackled him. The other 2 unseen hobgoblins in the room fired upon Melfias hurting him quite bad. The group rushed in and took care of them easily. The goblin that Krangor had tackled refused to help the group and instead called to its master that we were there. The master talked from his enclosed room saying we were all going to die. The group could hear footsteps coming for their room as their toughest battle yet was about to start.

There were 3 entrances into the room and the group was basically surrounded. Galtheres went to one entrance to hold them off, Krangor went to another, and Melfias stupidly stood in front of the last. The group quickly disposed of the first two enemies to show their faces, but little did they know there were many more behind them. Also, the bugbear king, his wolf, and drow companion came from their room to join in the onslaught. 

Gob tried to take care of these 3 new enemies by hitting them with grease which was pretty effective. It made all of them trip up and go prone. Sadly, right after doing such an awesome spell a hobgolin came in and crit smashed Gobs face in. He dropped harder then the Falcons win chances with 2:12 left in the 3rd quarter of a certain football game. 

Soon after they went after their next easy target… Melfias. Little did they know that knocking him out would have little to no effect on the outcome of the battle cause he had done shit the whole time anyways. But ya Melfias got BTFO. He stabilized him self though so he has that going for him. Sometimes though I think he wishes for the cold embrace of death to take him so he does not have to live his embarrassing life as a shitty musician any longer. 

With the group down to 4 people and a panther things were not looking good. Luckily the group used all of their resolve and might and started to turn the tables. Krangor and Fox were able to bring the pain to the bugbear with a crown and he dropped soon after. Then Galthetes and Allora brought down the wolf working with the goblin assholes. All this time a worm monster thing had been trying to attack Fox and just kept missing cause Fox has mad skillz. The group slowly but surely and by the skin of their teeth one by one killed the rest of the group of enemies. After the fight the group saw the dwarven brother being held captive in the room the bugbear came from. Exhausted they said fuck it lets take a 10 min rest before we talk to this asshole. And rest they did and it was the sweetest of rest for it was the rest that comes after victory that so closely was not.

NEXT TIME ON STOWEDTON ADVENTURES…. WILL THE GROUP HAVE PTSD CAUSE THEY ALMOST WIPED? WHAT WILL THEY SAY TO THIS DWARF. HE BETTER HAVE SOME GOOD DAMN ANSWERS AFTER THE GROUP WENT THROUGH A TON OF BULLSHIT TO SAVE HIM. WILL MELFIAS EVER GET A SPELL OFF THAT WORKS? HOW DOES FOX KEEP DODGING PEOPLE? IS SHE TAKING PERFORMANCE ENHANCING DRUGS LIKE DEER ANTLER AND ELEPHANT TESTICLE? FIND OUT THE ANSWERS TO THESES QUESTIONS AND MORE NEXT TIME ON STWOEDTOWN ADVENTURES Z!!!!

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